Seriously Funny: Remembering Leslie Nielsen On His 95th Birthday

LBoM: Editorials, LBoM: In Memorandum

Today, the 11th of February, 2021 would’ve been Leslie Nielsen’s 95th birthday. This is an article I’ve actually been meaning to write for a few years now, but it just kept slipping down my ever growing list of an increasing backlog. Still, as a way to say happy birthday to and remember one of the all time great funny men, I thought I’d finally finish this up and get it published.

Early Life

Born in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada on the 11th of February, 1926. Leslie Nielsen’s father was reportedly an abusive man. Often beating both Nielsen’s mother and his two brothers, along with Nielsen himself. Wanting to escape his slap-happy childhood, when he turned seventeen, Leslie Nielsen the Royal Canadian Air Force, despite being legally deaf. Nielsen had to wear hearing aids since he was a young child.

“You know it’s very difficult to be an actor, and to have people depending on you to say the right line, at the right time, and to not be able to hear your cues! I can’t tell you how many times I would’ve had to have said What? if I didn’t have my hearing aids. So my hearing aids are a life saver, and they allow me to practice my craft.”

– Leslie Nielsen

While in the Royal Canadian Air Force, Nielsen trained as an aerial gunner during World War II. After the war ended he enrolled at the Lorne Greene Academy of Radio Arts in Toronto to study acting. It was while studying in Canada when he received a scholarship at the Neighborhood Playhouse, New York. Here, Leslie Nielsen studied theatre and music before landing his first TV appearance on an episode of the anthology show Studio One in 1950.

Early Roles

Through the early fifties, Leslie Nielsen was cast in many small parts as handsome extra and bit part player. He also narrated a few documentaries and commercials just to bring in some much needed cash. However, he wanted more and dreamt of being a big name Hollywood leading man. In 1956, Nielsen landed a small part in his first feature film The Vagabond King. The film was a flop but the producer on the film, Nicholas Nayfack, took a shine the the young and good looking Leslie Nielsen and offered him an audition for a sci-fi film that Nayfack was working on next, Forbidden Planet. Of course Nielsen got the part and the film went on to be a hit too.

In fact, Forbidden Planet (a sort of Shakespeare’s The Tempest… In space!) has been cited as the forerunner to ground-breaking TV show, Star Trek and the birth of real sci-fi entertainment. So great the film was and more importantly, so much liked and impressive Nielsen was that he was given a contract to work at MGM. After several years of bit parts and struggling as an actor, Leslie Nielsen was making a name for himself. Through the mid-fifties, Nielsen made more films for MGM Ransom!, The Opposite Sex, and Hot Summer Night. None of which were big hits and Nielsen started to become a bit jaded with the films he was being offered and even doubting himself as an actor. He landed the lead role in the romantic comedy Tammy and the Bachelor from 1957 from Uniserial Pictures (where he was borrowed from his MGM contract), which did get some positive reviews and still seen today as a pretty good flick. Leslie Nielsen began to realise that perhaps it was MGM who where the problem and not him. Still, MGM had an epic of a film coming up and one that Nielsen very much wanted to be in, Ben-Hur. He auditioned for the role of Messala in the 1959 flick and didn’t get it. By now, that contract with MGM has ended, which left Nielsen free to work elsewhere… So he did.

Leslie Nielsen found himself working for Disney on the 1959 TV miniseries, The Swamp Fox. Being put off by movies the last few years and now finding TV work so much more fun, Nielsen gave up on trying to be a big Hollywood leading man and settled on a career in TV instead. He began to appear in numerous TV shows in the sixties like, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (based on the film), The Virginian, and The Wild Wild West. Over the years, Leslie Nielsen very much became a character actor on TV and kept popping up in supporting roles, never landing a lead. He was pretty much back where he started in the early fifties, small and secondary parts, no leads, only now on TV instead of film.

The thing was, Leslie Nielsen could really act, he was a fantastic serious/dramatic actor, good looking in his youth too. He just wasn’t being offered the parts he could really get his teeth into and prove just how good an actor he was. Then, he landed a role that could’ve proven to be a huge door opening for him. Leslie Nielsen secured a lead role in the 1969 TV show The Bold Ones: The Protectors. He played Deputy Police Chief Sam Danforth, a tough, no-nonsense, straight talking cop with a drive to rid his city of crime. This was gritty drama, a genre that Nielsen was really bloody great at. Sadly, the show only lasted for seven episodes and the big leading break he was striving for never came.

In the seventies, Leslie Nielsen was back playing smaller parts. Appearing in one of the greatest TV shows of all time, Columbo in 1971. Plus, he began to appear in a few movies once more too… especially the popular disaster movies of the decade like 1972’s The Poseidon Adventure and City on Fire from 1979. In fact, it was the smaller roles in those disaster movies that would finally make Nielsen the household name he eventually became…

The Breakthrough

It was the late seventies, two writer brothers, David and Jerry Zucker, along with writer Jim Abrahams (collectively known as Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker… or just ZAZ), all had a zany sense of humour. The trio had a success with the hilarious The Kentucky Fried Movie in 1977, and they wanted to follow up on it with another off the wall comedy. But, they wanted to remake the little known but very serious 1957 disaster flick, Zero Hour! and turn it into a film with their unique brand of humour. That remake was 1980’s Airplane! and playing perhaps the most memorable character in the entire film was Leslie Nielsen as Dr. Rumack.

He was hired for this offbeat comedy because he was such a great serious actor, because of those roles in the disaster flicks of the seventies. ZAZ wanted, not known, but recognisable faces in their film to help sell the fact they wanted people to think that Airplane! had the look and tone of a serious disaster flick. The jokes would do the work while the actors just acted. It was this serious take on comedy that really worked and helped to make Airplane! such a huge hit. No matter how silly the situations in the film got, no matter how stupid some of the lines were, Leslie Nielsen was dead straight in his performance. Just as a quick aside, here’s a video comparing Zero Hour! to Airplane! so you can see how much the two films are similar:

It was also that deadpan approach to humour that led to Nielsen landing a lead role in a new cop show on TV, but unlike his previous starring role in a cop show with The Bold Ones: The Protectors, which was a heavy drama, this would be a comedy. Created by ZAZ again, Police Squad! saw Leslie Nielsen play Sergeant Frank Drebin (a role created just for Nielsen), detective lieutenant of the titular Police Squad! Just like Airplane! being a silly take on the serious disaster movie genre, so to was Police Squad!, but for police TV shows. However, unlike Airplane!, Police Squad! wasn’t a big hit. In fact, only six episodes were ever filmed and of those, only four originally made it to air before the show was cancelled by the ABC network in America. Though the last two episodes were eventually aired. Nielsen just couldn’t get a break and soon found himself struggling to find a lead role. As for why Police Squad! was cancelled? I’ll let Leslie Nielsen explain himself:

“We thought it was gonna be one of the biggest hits of the season, and we realised after it had been on for four [episodes]. It was pulled off [the air] in America because the ratings were not high, they got worse and worse. It’s the kind of humour that doesn’t belong on television, on the small screen because you had to watch it. [Tony] Thomopoulos, who was the head of programming at ABC said ‘it didnlt make it because you had to watch it’. What he meant was, you had to pay attention to it.”

– Leslie Nielsen

It was true too. The trouble was that back then, people didn’t really watch TV like they do now. The TV was just something that would be on in the background while you did something else. The humour in Police Squad! relied on your eyes being transfixed because there was so much going on. Visual jokes, jokes in the background, jokes on signs, jokes any and everywhere. You eyes worked overtime watching an episode of Police Squad! because each one was so tightly packed with so many jokes and jokes within jokes that you would miss most of them if you didn’t sit and actually watch. What worked on the big screen with Airplane! with a captive audience in a cinema, just didn’t translate to the small screen with Police Squad! as it played in the background while you did the ironing, despite being just as (if not) funnier overall.

So, Nielsen was back at square one again (again), with just getting smaller roles on TV and in movies. One such role I’m saving for last. Anyway, Paramount Pictures got the VHS distribution rights to Police Squad! and released all six episodes in 1985. The tapes became a smash hit and Paramount soon realised how popular the show really was, they approached ZAZ with an offer to bring the show back… somehow. Then in 1998, we got The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!, a film version of the cancelled TV show. Of course, Leslie Nielsen was back as Frank Drebin and it was also his first lead role in a movie for over thirty years too. While The Naked Gun still had that ZAZ humour and Nielsen’s brilliant deadpan delivery of the jokes, it also showcased something that neither Airplane! or Police Squad! did before it. It allowed Leslie Nielsen to show off his slapstick comedy too. The Naked Gun became a massive hit, far bigger than Airplane! in fact. At sixty-two years old and after decades of struggling, Leslie Nielsen was finally a lead a worldwide hit movie. After that, studios were commissioning parody films specifically to have Nielsen starring in them and the parody movie craze of the nineties was born.

The sequels, The Naked Gun 2 1⁄2: The Smell of Fear and Naked Gun 33 1⁄3: The Final Insult help cement Nielsen as a genuine Hollywood funny man legend. He’d always pop up on chat shows around the globe armed with his favourite joke, a simple fart machine, which he would sound off in the middle of an interview just to make the audience and himself laugh. By the time the third Naked Gun film was released, Nielsen was sixty-eight years old. An age when people retire and take it easy, but Leslie Nielsen was enjoying himself too much to retire, appearing in more films, making millions of people around the world laugh. Some of his flicks were popular, but they never got to the level of the Naked Gun trilogy. The starring roles began to dry up, but Leslie Nielsen still appeared in the parody film genre that made him famous right up to his death in 2010, aged eighty-four.

Seriously Funny

He struggled to make a name for himself for decades. He tried serious drama, which he was amazing at, but there were just too many good looking men doing the same thing around the same time, so Leslie Nielsen never really stood out. Yet, it was that seriousness of his acting that eventually led him to be loved worldwide for his comedy. All thanks to the trio of ZAZ who saw that potential in the actor when so many others were overlooking his unique talents as an actor and comedian.

Oh, and as for that earlier smaller role of Nielsen’s that I said I was saving until last? It’ from the all time classic horror anthology flick, Creepshow. Leslie Nielsen played Richard Vickers, a rich, slick and charismatic guy who discovers his wife is having an affair. He tracks down his wife’s illicit lover and well… Let’s just say that for me, this is the best Nielsen has ever been. He’s sick, pure evil and still a bad guy you can’t help but fall in love with. For someone so damn funny, he could be even more sadistic and I love it. My all time favourite Leslie Nielsen role.

There never will be another Leslie Nielsen.
Happy birthday.

I’m afraid if I don’t keep moving, they’re going to catch me. I’m eighty-one years old and I want to see what’s around the corner, and I don’t see any reason in the world not to keep working. But I am starting to value my down time a great deal because I am realizing there might be other things to do that I am overlooking.

– Leslie Nielsen

Be Like Water: 80 Years Of Bruce Lee

LBoG: In Memorandum, LBoM: In Memorandum

Eighty years ago, on the 27th of November, 1940, Lee Jun-fan was born. The world didn’t know it then, but a legend had graced the Earth. ‘Legend’, a word I’m not very keen on using myself, as I often find it is over and very much misused by so many…

Still, when talking about Bruce Lee, legend is the absolute perfect descriptive to use. Today marks, what would’ve been, Bruce Lee’s 80th birthday. Now, there’s pretty much nothing I can write that hasn’t already been written and said about the Little Phoenix a hundred times over already. I see little point in writing up a mini-biography to remember someone who’ll never be forgotten. So what to write about? Well, seeing as this is a movie and gaming blog… that’s exactly what I’ll look at. Bruce’s legacy on both the silver screen and in digital form too. So here it is, Bruce Lee’s legacy on film and in gaming.

The Movies

Okay, so I’m not going to get into Bruce’s very early career. He was in quite a few films as a child actor in China before becoming world-famous. Bruce also featured in several T.V. shows when he continued his acting career in the U.S. Most notably, playing Kato, the sidekick to The Green Hornet, which featured an awesome intro tune. Lee’s role may have been relatively small, but it made a hell of an impact. In fact, when shown in Hong Kong, the series was retitled The Kato Show. Lee struggled to find main acting roles in the U.S., so he returned to Hong Kong in the early seventies to star in his first ‘proper’ feature film, The Big Boss.

Now, I can’t remember exactly how or when I was first introduced to Bruce Lee as an actor. My dad used to be big on martial arts and my middle name is Lee, named after Bruce. I’m sure he must’ve watched Bruce Lee films a lot and I most probably watched them with him when I was a toddler. No idea what was going on or who that Bruce Lee fella was at the time. Still, I most definitely became a fan as I got older. Anyway, in The Big Boss, Bruce played Cheng Chao-an, a young Chinese man who moves to Thailand to live with his extended family. Cheng gets a job at an ice factory and when an ice block is accidently broken, Cheng’s cousins discovers drugs hidden within. The Big Boss of the factory wants to keep his drug smuggling ring quiet, so he has Cheng’s cousins killed. When Cheng learns about all that has happened, he goes out for revenge.

Next, Bruce starred in Fist of Fury, and right now, I’m just going to say that this is my favourite Bruce Lee flick, I’m watching it as I write this article. Bruce plays Chen Zhen, who upon returning to his old martial arts school, learns that his master has died. During the funeral, Japanese students taunt Chen Zhen and the others. Not wanting to disrespect his recently deceased teacher and under the scrutiny on the school’s most senior student, Chen does not retaliate… yet. After the funeral, Chen goes to the school of the Japanese students and gives all of them a damn good kicking. This starts a war between the two schools that leads to more violence and Chen Zhen learns exactly what happened to his master.

Way of the Dragon was Lee’s third major film… and the last released while he was still alive. Bruce Lee as Tang Lung travels to Rome to help out his relatives, who are being harassed by a local crime boss. Tang, who has lived in China all his life, is very much a ‘fish out of water’ in Rome. His family that he has been sent to help think he’s next to useless. But when the gangsters turn up to cause some trouble at the family restaurant, Tang Lung sends them packing. Of course, this just annoys the crime boss who hires a world renowned martial artist, Colt (Chuck Norris) to take Tang out.

Finally, we have Bruce’s most famous picture, Enter the Dragon. Bruce plays Mr. Lee, a Shaolin martial artist who is asked to take part in a high-profile martial arts tournament by a British intelligence agent. Crime lord, Han is the person holding said tournament and Lee is tasked to find evidence that Han is involved in drug trafficking and prostitution. He also learns that one of Han’s henchmen was responsible for his sister’s death. Which sloppy synopsis does a bad job of describing one of the most important films ever made. Enter the Dragon premiered in Los Angeles just one moth after Bruce’s untimely death in July of 1973.

And that was it, no more Bruce Lee starring films were ever released. Well okay, there was one I guess. Honestly, I’ve sat here debating if I should include the atrocity that is 1978’s Game of Death. It’s not that it’s a bad film… more so the fact that it’s just a really fucking disrespectful insult to Bruce Lee fans, his family and even the man himself. For those not in the know, Game of Death was a film that Bruce was working on before he died. In fact, he was working on it before he filmed Enter the Dragon. The film was never finished, but Bruce planned on it being a deep and insightful look into Lee’s beliefs regarding the principles of martial arts. But what happed after Bruce’s death was that people got greedy and wanted to make money. What footage Bruce had shot for the film before his death was heavily cut down to almost nothing. The deep and meaningful plot Bruce wanted was thrown out for a bog-standard kung-fu flick. Actors were hired to replace Bruce to shoot the film. And what we got was a cheap and lousy hack-job of a flick that bared no relation to Bruce’s original script notes and concept. Oh yeah… it also included actual footage from Bruce’s real funeral. That’s how disrespectful this film was.

The only saving grace of Game of Death is the edited footage that Bruce actually shot himself… of which, there really is very little in the final film. Still, a few years back and all the footage Bruce shot was found in archives, restored and shown. It’s available from several places if you look around. Trust me, this raw, unedited footage is far, far superior to the actual released Game of Death film. In fact, the only reason I finally decided to mention this monstrosity of a film was just so I could highlight this footage. It’s very much well worth a view.

The Games

Surprisingly , given the man’s massive influence and attraction, Bruce hasn’t been in many video games over the years. The first was the 1984 game, Bruce Lee. A classic action-platformer where you control Bruce who has to navigate the many chambers and obstacles of an evil wizard’s tower. Look, plot-wise, it make no sense (yet still better than Game of Death), but it’s gameplay was top-notch stuff. Fast action and one of the most fondly remembered games of the era.

Next we have Bruce Lee Lives: The Fall of Hong Kong Palace from 1989. Playing as Bruce, you fight various martial arts students and henchmen of the evil Master Po. It’s a one on one fighter that pretty dull to be honest. Interestingly, the game came bundled with the biography book, Dragon’s Tale: The Story of Bruce Lee, which was written by Linda Lee.

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story from 1994, was a game based on the biographical film of the same name. Another one on one fighter… or more accurately, a one on two fighter. The game follows the main action of the film closely with little snippets of the plot in between fights. It was actually a pretty decent fighter, depending on which version you played. Plus, you got to whip out Bruce’s trademark nunchaku and smack people in the face with them.

2002’s Bruce Lee: Quest of the Dragon was a scrolling beat ’em up that plays out like an unreleased Bruce Lee film. Basically, Bruce has to take on an organized crime organization known as Black Lotus. It’s also pretty damn awful too. Terrible controls, awkward camera angles and more make this a real disappointment.

The last ‘proper’ Bruce Lee game was Bruce Lee: Return of the Legend also from 2002. Again, presented as a movie with Bruce playing a character called Hai Feng. It tells a very basic ‘you killed my teacher’ revenge story that’s rather bland. But the game itself is actually pretty damn great. A side-scrolling, platform, beat ’em up thing that has a lot of character. Bruce, or Hai has loads of moves at his disposal, including iconic Bruce Lee moves. Easily the best Bruce Lee game ever made, as well as being the last one too.

Seriously, that’s it. Only five games based on this legend… five! Though Bruce did feature as a fighter in EA Sports UFC 2 from 2016. But still, only five games starring Bruce Lee? The man needs more games based on him. Well I guess I could just quickly mention a few Bruce Lee-like characters from other games. Fei Long from Super Street Fighter II, Marshall Law in Tekken. There was Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat and Kim Dragon in World Heroes. Oolong from Yie Air Kung Fu, plus Jann Lee from Dead or Alive. The list goes on and on. There are actually more Bruce Lee inspired characters in games than Bruce Lee games. That’s both brilliant and disappointing at the same time.

As a keen gamer and Bruce Lee fan, I want more Bruce Lee games. Here’s an idea off the top of my head. Seeing as every one on one fighter has been inspired by Enter the Dragon, why not an actual Enter the Dragon game? Or maybe a game where you follow Bruce’s film career? A game that actually delivers on Bruce’s original concept for Game of Death? Come on game publishers and developers, give this legend a game worthy of his name.

Anyway, that’s about it for me on what would’ve been Bruce Lee’s 80th birthday. I don’t really have a suitable sign-off or clever, insightful remark to leave you with… so I’ll let Bruce handle that for me.

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

– Bruce Lee

In Memorandum: Sean Connery As Not Bond

LBoM: In Memorandum

What a shitty year for James Bond fans eh? Honor Blackman, Diana Rigg, Michael Lonsdale and now Sean Connery. For the last few days, I’ve struggled with trying to write something in way to pay respects to the great Sean Connery. I’ve sat here, just staring at a blank white screen and a blinking cursor for about an hour or so, no idea what to say now that Connery has sadly passed away. It’s not that there’s nothing to write about, just that, I already pretty much said it all back in August for his birthday. The man was an acting legend and one I’ve toughly enjoyed watching over the years. In my eyes, he deserves a memorandum write-up from me, just as I have done with others I admire and we’ve lost. But as I said, I’ve already pretty much covered his career for his birthday.

I suppose I could just be lazy and repost my article, give it a little update. But no, Sean Connery deserves better than that.

Every other article you’ve read about Connery, now that he’s gone, would probably prominently be about James Bond, it’s the character he was best known for and a character that has stood the test of time. He was the first to play James Bond don’t you know? Well technically, he was the third, but let’s not split hairs. But, he was so much more than one character, Sean Connery had a very lengthy career where he played numerous characters. That’s when it hit me, I could write a Sean Connery article that doesn’t mention Bond (except for this intro) So, no James Bond from this point on, but a look at other characters Mr Connery has played over the years instead. In no particular order… except for the first and then saving the best for last, here’s some of my favourite Sean Connery performances that aren’t that famous British spy.

Zed

I had to pick this one to start, I just had to. Just look at that for a striking image of a man! John Boorman’s Zardoz from 1974 is a sci-fi film that is very…. ‘interesting’. The film is set in 2293 and is about how the human race are split into two groups. Immortal ‘Eternals’ and the mortal ‘Brutals’. Connery plays Zed, a Brutal Exterminator, these Brutal Exterminators are ordered by a huge stone head called Zardoz to hunt, terrorise and kill other Brutals.

Look, the film makes no sense and was ravaged by critics at the time. It had a convoluted plot and connects to The Wonderful Wizard of Oz that I really can’t be bothered to get into here. It’s a really stupid film, but one that has gone on to gain cult status among film fans. Plus, it had given us one hell of a great image of Sean Connery to remember him by too.

“Brain emissions refract low wavelength laser light, passing through the crystal in the brain. They’re a code sent to you for interpretation and storage. Yes or no?”

– Zed

Juan Sánchez-Villalobos Ramírez

Or just Ramírez to his friends. Oh how I love the 1986 flick, Highlander. You got Christopher Lambert, an American born actor, raised in France, playing a Scottish 16th century warrior. Then you have the very Scottish Sean Connery, playing an Egyptian from Spain. That’s some brilliant casting. Highlander tells the story if a secret war among immortals, who are destined to battle each other to the death until only one remains. But just how do you kill an immortal? Well, you cut their head of of course. Seriously, Highlander makes no sense… but it’s glorious.

Though I grew up watching certain famous spy movies as a kid which starred Sean Connery, this was the film that really made me a fan of his work. Just hearing that unmistakable Scottish brogue as the voice of a character who is an Egyptian from Spain (?) always made me chuckle. I love that, even though Connery was a truly amazing actor, he just never bothered to chance his voice. But his voice was almost like his trademark, hearing Sean Connery not sounding like Sean Connery just wouldn’t work. Juan Sánchez-Villalobos Ramírez is a perfect example of this.

“You have the manners of a goat and you smell like a dung-heap. And you’ve no knowledge whatsoever of your potential.”

– Juan Sánchez-Villalobos Ramírez

Henry Jones, Sr.

It was my older bother who took me to the cinema back in 1989 to watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. By then, I was a huge Indy fan as well as being an admirer of Sean Connery too. So to have the two meet and for me to watch them on the big screen was a pure joy. When the end credits rolled and as Henry Jones and his son rode off into the sunset, I had a huge smile on my face. The perfect end to a great trilogy (as it was then).

Despite there only being a twelve year gap between Harrison Ford playing Indiana Jones and Sean Connery as his father, the duo and chemistry between the two worked. They bounced of each other perfectly and created a very memorable double act that felt like a genuine father and son. Henry Jones, Sr was more than capable of keeping up with his adventurous son, in more ways than one… just ask Elsa.

“It tells me, that goose-stepping morons like yourself should try reading books instead of burning them!”

– Henry Jones, Sr.

Daniel Dravot

Michael Caine and Sean Connery were very close friends, it really is a shame these two titans of the big screen never did more films together. In fact, they only ever did one, 1975’s The Man Who Would Be King, based on Rudyard Kipling’s 1888 novella of the same name. In it Connery plays Daniel Dravot, a British Army soldier who, along with Peachy Carnehan (Michael Caine) got to Kāfiristān (modern-day Afghanistan) to forcibly take over as rulers.

The Man Who Would Be King is one of those great classics with both Michael Caine and Sean Connery on tip-top form. It is when Connery’s Daniel Dravot is mistaken for a God when things really get underway here. Both Sirs, Caine and Connery put in amazing performances, you can really tell how close they were as friends as their real life chemistry is right there on the screen. In fact both Michael Caine and Sean Connery went on record as saying that working on The Man Who Would Be King was the best experience of their careers.

“Now listen to me you benighted muckers. We’re going to teach you soldiering. The world’s noblest profession. When we’re done with you, you’ll be able to slaughter your enemies like civilized men.”

– Daniel Dravot

Draco

Sean Connery was so damn amazing that he really could play anything, even a dragon! DragonHeart from 1996 saw Connery provide the voice for the last dragon in the world, Draco who teams up with a dragon hunter to take down a tyrannical leader. The twist is that some years before Draco saved this naughty leader when he was a child by giving him half of his heart.

Just as with any of his previous roles, Connery never changed his voice. So we have a very Scottish dragon in this fantasy action-adventure film, but it works. That was the beauty and majesty of Sean Connery’s voice, it just worked. From conveying anger, resentment to more lighter jokey lines, Connery really helped to bring this dragon to life. I mean, you don’t hire Sean Connery for voice work if you don’t want that iconic voice do you?

“You should never listen to minstrels’ fancies. A dragon would never hurt a soul, unless they tried to hurt him first.”

– Draco

King Agamemnon

Terry Gilliam’s Time Bandits is one of those film you either ‘get’ or don’t. A surreal, very Gilliam-esque, time jumping fantasy adventure film. It is when the film’s main character Keven, finds himself in Mycenaean Greece when he crosses paths with King Agamemnon, played by Connery. This really is just an extended cameo and Connery is first hidden behind a helmet to reveal the surprise.

In fact, Terry Gilliam wrote in the script that King Agamemnon takes of his helmet ‘revealing someone that looks exactly like Sean Connery, or an actor of equal but cheaper stature’. Gilliam wanting someone as iconic as Connery, but knowing that having the man himself play the role would be almost impossible due to budget constraints. But the script for the film made its way into Connery’s hands and he loved it, the next thing Gilliam knew, Connery’s agent was on the phone saying how much he wanted to play the part. It really is a joyous performance and you can tell Sean Connery was having a lot of fun with it. A role he was in for the pleasure of acting over the money he was being paid.

“Well… You’re certainly a chatty little fellow, aren’t you?”

– King Agamemnon

John Patrick Mason

He actually looks good with long hair eh? At this point, Connery was in his mid-sixties when he starred in the all action romp, The Rock from 1996. Playing John Mason, ex-SAS, all round bad-ass and the only man to have ever escaped Alcatraz Island. A bunch of of rogue U.S. Force Recon Marines take control of Alcatraz, holding tourists as prisoners and threatening San Francisco with missiles armed with toxic VX gas. Mason is forced to team up with the FBI’s top chemical weapons specialist to stop them.

I love this film, it’s just a great slice of action nonsense. It really is Sean Connery’s performance as the ageing John Mason that lifts this above just being another bog-standard action film. His chemistry with Nicolas Cage as FBI agent, Stanley Goodspeed really works. Connery almost becomes mentor-like to the inexperienced and nervous Cage, both on and off screen.

“I’ve been in jail longer than Nelson Mandela, so maybe you want me to run for President?”

– John Patrick Mason

Captain Marko Ramius

The Hunt for Red October from 1990 is one of Connery’s most talked about roles… mainly for the fact he still used his thick Scottish accent to play a Russian submarine Captain. Set in 1984, Marko Ramius takes command of nuclear missile armed submarine, Red October. Making the sub seemingly ‘disappear’, the U.S. believe that Ramius is planning a renegade nuclear strike on U.S. soil. However, he actually wants to defect.

I’ve not seen this is a long time, yet I always remember it as being a pretty damn good thriller. Based on Tom Clancy’s novel of the same name and the first film appearance of the character, Jack Ryan. But it is Sean Connery’s Captain Marko Ramius that makes this film what it is, a tense and taught thriller about a submarine.

“Once more, we play our dangerous game, a game of chess against our old adversary, The American Navy. For forty years, your fathers before you and your older brothers played this game and played it well. But today the game is different. We have the advantage.”

– Captain Marko Ramius

Jim Malone

This really is the big one. You see that main image for this article at the top, the one with Sean Connery lifting his first ever Oscar? Well, this is why he won it. That picture was taken at the 1988 Academy Awards, at that point Connery was a screen legend, already acting in movies for almost thirty-five years, yet that was his first and only Oscar win. It was this role as tough Irish cop (with a Scottish accent) Jim Malone in 1987’s The Untouchables that landed Connery that Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

A fantastic cast, a wonderful story, with some beautiful directing from Brian De Palma makes this one hell of a great flick. Yet, for me, it was Connery playing the straight-talking, no bullshit taking Jim Malone that really makes this worth watching again and again.

“You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson.”

– Jim Malone

So that’s it, just a few choice picks from Sean Connery’s illustrious acting career of some of my favourite characters. From silly sci-fi to gritty thrillers, Sean Connery was a true screen legend. The world is a slightly less enjoyable place without him.

“I have always hated that damn James Bond. I’d like to kill him.”

– Sean Connery

Diana Rigg: We Have All The Time In The World

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A few months ago, back in April, we lost my all time favourite Bond girl. Pussy Galore, played by Honor Blackman, was a class act and her mix of beauty, brains and brawn made her a formidable girl for James Bond to conquer… she was lesbian in the book don’t you know? Today we lost another Bond girl and if Pussy Galore was my favourite, then Countess Teresa ‘Tracy’ di Vicenzo was a very close second. Played by the amazing Diana Rigg, who sadly died today.

Now, when I do these in memorandum articles of stars we have recently lost, I tend to do a whole look back at their career and life in general… I don’t want to do that this time around, I’m sure other sites will do just that. Instead, I want to look at the impact this Bond girl had in the James Bond character and the franchise as a whole. I mean, she is the only Bond girl to ever tame Mr Bond. But before I do get into that, there’s just a little quick thing I want to bring up.

I’ve already mentioned the passing of Honor Blackman earlier this year. Now with Diana Rigg gone too, there’s a little something the also connects them outside of the whole Bond girl thing.

Yup, Honor Blackman played Cathy Gale, the sidekick to Patrick Macnee’s, John Steed in the classic sixties TV show, The Avengers (Iron Man not included). But when Honor left the show at the end of the third series (to play Pussy Galore in Goldfinger), a replacement was needed. Enter Diana Rigg as Mrs Emma Peel. So we’ve not only lost two great Bond girls within a few months, we’ve also lost two feisty Avengers too.

So anyway, back onto the point of this article and time to take a look at just how much of an impact Diana Rigg’s, Tracy di Vicenzo had on James Bond.

Appearing in the only Bond film that George Lazenby was in, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, which incidentally is one of my favourite Bond flicks. Tracy was the only girl in the original franchise to mean more to James Bond than just an opportunity to get his leg over. We all know how ‘disposable’ Bond girls are in the movies. They appear in one film, James Bond seduces them and are never mentioned again. Not Tracy di Vicenzo though, she was much more than just another notch in Bond’s bedpost. He actually fell in love with this one. This wasn’t just a roll in the hay of the stables of the main villain, this was a genuine and evolving relationship between James Bond and Tracy di Vicenzo, up to the point where they actually got married and Tracy became Mrs Tracy Bond. Not a sham marriage to cover tracks, get out of the country, get a green card or any other flimsy excuse. This was a marriage of love and respect. James Bond actually married one of his girls.

The wedding was a massive shock at the time as Bond was already very firmly established as a womaniser, a casual sex kind of guy, the ultimate bachelor. No woman could ever tie him down… but Tracy did. However, that shock of the wedding was soon overshadowed as the happy couple drove off at the end of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, planning their lives together and talking about having children, for Tracy to then be tragically killed by James Bond’s arch nemesis, Ernst Stavro Blofeld (well his hench-woman, Irma Bunt) in a drive-by shooting.

As Bond cradles his dead wife, he talks about her as if she’s still alive (“she’s having a rest”), as if he can’t believe that she’s gone… and then he says it, he says the line. “There’s no hurry you see, we have all the time in the world”. It’s really genuinely heart breaking, not just for James Bond, but also the viewer. Perhaps the darkest moment in James Bond history and a moment that was never fully forgotten.

Usually, there’s very little, if any continuity in the James Bond franchise. Each film is pretty much like a restart, a new mission that doesn’t reference any previous Bond films. There is the odd exception here and there, the 40th anniversary of the Bond franchise and the many references in Die Another Day as an example. But generally speaking, events from one Bond film tend not to impact another… until the Daniel Craig era anyway. But Tracy’s death was referenced in the movies from that point on and I’m going to see if I can mention all of them.

Strangely, the next film after Tracy’s death doesn’t mention her at all. Sean Connery returns for Diamonds Are Forever and it opens up in that classic Bond manner of a pre-title action sequence. Here, Bond is tracking down Blofeld. We can assume it’s to get revenge for killing Tracy… but it’s never mentioned if that is the reason. It could just be Bond going after his nemesis because that’s what he does. I’ve always felt that Diamonds Are Forever should’ve referenced Tracy in some way, but it never did and missed the perfect reason to give Bond motivation. However, the first and often overlooked reference of Tracy is from when Roger Moore stepped into the tuxedo for The Spy Who Loved Me. When Bond meets Russian agent, Anya Amasova, she begins to talk about James Bond’s life, she says of Bond that he was “married only once. Wife was…”. Her speech is cut off by Bond saying how she had made her point, to which Anya replies that Bond is sensitive about certain things. Yup, I guess your new wife dying, after being gunned down in cold blood by your most bitter enemy is kind of sensitive.

Next up is perhaps the most famous reference. It comes from For Your Eyes Only. In it, James Bond is actually standing at the grave of Tracy, on which he places some roses. The grave clearly has the immortal line engraved into it to… we have all the time in the world.

After which, Bond boards a helicopter controlled by Blofeld, sending James on the ride of his life. Once Bond gets control of the copter, he manages to pick up Blofeld and drops him into a industrial smokestack. Presumably killing him and finally getting his revenge for Tracy’s murder. Though due to some strange licencing and legal issues, Blofeld is not actually credited as Blofeld but as ‘Bald-Headed Man with White Cat’.

The next reference comes in the Timothy Dalton starring Licence to Kill. In this flick, CIA operative and friend of James Bond, Felix Leiter gets married. Felix’s new wife, Delta throws her garter after the wedding and Bond catches it. She then suggests that he (Bond) will marry next. James Bond looks upset and leaves. Delta asks Felix if she said anything wrong, to which he replies that Bond was married “a long time ago”. Plus there is the whole plot of Delta being killed shorty after getting married in the film that mirrors James and Tracy’s short marriage. In fact, it could be suggested that the reason Bond goes after the main bad guys in this film is because he was motivated by the memories of his own tragically short marriage.

Another film another Bond as Pierce Brosnan’s first foray also has a reference. In GoldenEye, naughty 006, Alec Trevelyan asks Bond if he has “found forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for the dead ones you failed to protect?”. Now, this one is a bit more vague as doesn’t directly reference Tracy or their marriage… but Bond gives a certain look that to me, says a lot. A look that’s not just one failed relationships with random women, a look that has a lot of pain behind it. Sticking with Pierce Brosnan and The World Is Not Enough. When Bond is talking to Elektra King (whose father was killed in the opening sequence), she asks if Bond has ever lost anyone he truly loved. Bond never replies, he offers another one of ‘those’ looks and seems to be very unconformable by the question. Bond then changes the subject and continues the conversation.

I believe that is all the references, either direct or just passing to the death of Tracy. But it goes to show that Mrs Tracy Bond’s death is one that had a bigger impact on James’ life than you first realise… and it’s all thanks to the wonderfully beautiful and charming Diana Rigg. She was more than just a typical Bond girl, she was Mrs James Bond.

“I thought it was ridiculous that I was being paid less than a cameraman, and I wanted to shame them. And I did.”

– Diana Rigg

Ennio Morricone: Farewell To ‘The Maestro’

LBoM: In Memorandum

When it comes to film-making, it’s usually the actors and directors who get most of the credit and acclaim. The composers of the music rarely get a mention, yet their work is often just as, if not more important. These composers have to tell a story, convey emotions and even further plots without using words, for the most part. Take the infamous shower scene from Hitchcock’s Psycho as example, do you think it would’ve been as effective without that screeching, nerve shattering music from Bernard Herrmann? Or would’ve Superman: The Movie been as effective without John Williams’ theme tune that screams ‘Sup-er-man!’ without even using words?

Some of the greatest films ever feature some of the finest and most memorable music, often from unsung or overlooked composers. Recently, the world of cinema lost one of its greats with the passing of Ennio Morricone and I’m taking the opportunity to remember the man known as ‘The Maestro’. Even if you don’t recognise the name, I guarantee you know at least one of his pieces of music, one in particular, a piece that is often whistled and referenced in many, many films.

Ennio Morricone was born on the 10th of November, 1928 in Rome, Italy. At the age of six, Ennio composed his first ever piece of music and learned how to play the trumpet. From then on, he fell in love with music and began writing more and more. In 1953 when he was twenty-five years old, Ennio landed a job writing tunes for radio shows which soon gave him the opportunity to write for TV and movies. In 1954, Ennio began composing music for films, though he was uncredited or often used the pseudonyms Dan Savio and Leo Nichols. 1961 saw his first credited film score with Il Federale (The Fascist). The early sixties was also when Ennio Morricone found fame with the film genre for which he would become most synonymous, the western, with 1963’s Duello nel Texas (Gunfight at Red Sands). But it was the following year in 1964 when he teamed up with director Sergio Leone when Ennio’s western score a really got noticed.

Due to budget constraints, Ennio Morricone couldn’t have a full orchestra for his music, so he had to improvise. Using a mix of whistles, whip cracks, the Jewish harp, various other sound effects and voices plus a few more conventional musical instruments, he created the score to Per un pugno di dollari, or to give it it’s English title, A Fistful of Dollars. This kick-started a hugely successful partner and friendship between Ennio Morricone and director Sergio Leone. Ennio’s music for the film was otherworldly, almost abstract it is structure, yet wonderfully melodic at the same time. A film score that would go down in history as one of the most influential ever made.

Two more films followed and they soon collectively became known as The Dollars Trilogy. 1965’s For a Few Dollars More saw Ennio Morricone’s experimentation with sound effects help cement his unorthodox and almost trademark style to creating music. But it was the third and final film of the three where Ennio’s music became immortal, and it is one tune in particular that is forever embedded into my brain. You know how I said everyone knows at least one Ennio Morricone piece of music? Well, this is that piece…

That one piece of music, that two minutes and fifty-five seconds of pure perfection from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is THE western score. Whenever I watch a film and there’s a stand-off between the good guys and the bad guys, I always instinctively hear that piece of music in my head. Some films have even used it, or a variation of it for similar good/bad guy scenes. It has become synonymous with stand-offs, a musical cue to let you know that some bad shit is about to go down. This is easily Ennio Morricone’s most famous piece and it has had a long lasting legacy through cinema and beyond.

Through the sixties and seventies, Ennio’s music could be found in plenty of westerns. But his music also appeared in dramas, thrillers, horror and all sorts of flicks. Exorcist II: The Heretic is the very, very bad sequel to one of the greatest horror films ever made. The film is universally hated by anyone with an ounce of film-taste, yet its music is often praised, music by Ennio Morricone. In 1979, Ennio was finally nominated for his first Oscar for his music from the romantic period flick, Days of Heaven. Alas, he didn’t win, losing out to John Williams for his amazing ‘Sup-er-man!’ theme.

Ennio Morricone’s music can be found in many films through the eighties and nineties, he just never stopped working. Sword and sorcery box-office bomb, Red Sonja. The amazing, The Untouchables. The Mel Gibson starring Hamlet and the taught thriller, In the Line of Fire all featured an Ennio score, just to name a few of his flicks. But of course, I can’t talk about Ennio Morricone’s scores and not mention one horror film in particular…

Yes, the John Carpenter classic The Thing also has some of that Ennio music magic. One of the first horror flicks I remember seeing as a kid and one that has left a very lasting impression on me. That dog scene, man, that scene is the one single scene that got me so interested in horror films. I loved the gore, the effects, the fact it scared the shit out of me as a kid. But now when I watch The Thing, what hits me harder than the gore effects is the music. There’s this sense of hopelessness with the score, a feeling of dread and despair. Seeing as John Carpenter has always said that this film is an apocalyptic one, the music really works well to convey that foreboding feeling.

Ennio Morricone’s career never seemed to die down, he was popular and very much in demand as a composer for decades, even right up to today. One of his biggest fans was the writer and director Quentin Tarantino. Quentin had always wanted to work with Ennio many times over the years, but one obstacle or another always got in the way, usually a conflict of work patterns. Still, Quentin did use some of Ennio’s music for his films. Kill Bill (both parts), Death Proof and Inglourious Basterds all feature Ennio Morricone music. They were not original recordings though, just music taken from other films. Ennio did eventually write an original song, Ancora Qui, for a Quentin’s flick, Django Unchained. The film also featured three pre-existing pieces from Ennio Morricone’s extensive back catalogue. Their relationship blossomed and Ennio even presented Quentin with a Life Achievement Award at the International Rome Film Festival in 2013.

Then for his next flick, Quentin Tarantino finally realised his dream of having Ennio Morricone score an entire film. 2015’s The Hateful Eight saw Ennio provide music for the picture. Despite a stunning career spanning seven decades (at the time), Ennio Morricone never won an Oscar for his film scores. A total of five nominations between 1979 to 2001, but not a single win… until The Hateful Eight. Yes, finally in 2016, Ennio Morricone was nominated for and won the Oscar for Best Original Score, he was eighty-seven years old too. Ennio was the oldest person to win an Oscar at the time.

What’s also amazing is that Ennio Morricone continued composing music into his nineties. In fact, the animated, The Canterville Ghost (based on the Oscar Wilde short story) to be released later this year features the last of his original scores.

Ennio Morricone died on the 6th of July, 2020 aged ninety-one due to complications after suffering a fall.

“If you scroll through all the movies I’ve worked on, you can understand how I was a specialist in westerns, love stories, political movies, action thrillers, horror movies, and so on. So in other words, I’m no specialist, because I’ve done everything. I’m a specialist in music.”

– Ennio Morricone

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Jim Malone

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