Tag Archives: Patrick Moore

GamesMaster: A Retrospective – Series Three, Part Two

So here we are, after part one, the inevitable part two of series three of my GamesMaster retrospective. There’s yet another slight format and location change coming up. This latter half of the series focuses on the previously mentioned GamesMaster Team Championship that people had been applying for and taking part in while the normal show was being aired. Due to this, the format changes to focus on said championship. Also, the set location was changed to the furnace you heard about in part one of series three (filmed at Clerkenwell House of Detention, they really liked filming in prisons!). Another change is that the co-presenters are gone. In the previous two series and the first part of this series, Dominik and Dexter were always joined by various gaming journalists (sometimes a celeb) to commentate on the challenges. Well, they’ve all been given the boot for this championship and Dexter is joined solely by Dave ‘The Games Animal’ Perry… they’ll be much, much more on him later.

DAVE AND DEXTER

So anyway, this second half of the series starts here with episode thirteen. The GamesMaster Team Championship breaks down like this, twenty-seven teams play nine knockout heats of three teams, with the winning team of their respective heat going through to the semi-finals. Three semi-finals of the previous nine winning teams follow, and then onto the grand final for the last three teams who won in the semis. Each of the teams consist of three players, of which there is a beat ’em up specialist, a platform specialist and an all rounder. Then in each episode, the teams will select their best gamer to play two initial challenges for points in a mini-league type thing. Team with the lowest amount of points will be eliminated from the championship after the second challenge, with the final challenge being a knockout, leaving just one team the winner at the end of each episode (heat) as the series progresses,. Which will all lead to the semi-finals and eventually, the grand final and win some smashing gaming prizes. Got that? Look, it’ll make more sense as you read this retrospective.

Now, even with this new approach, the show still pretty much sticks to the previous formula, but adds a new challenge just for the championships. So we’ll now have the first challenge, reviews/feature, second challenge, celeb challenge, hints & tips, final challenge. So with that lengthy explanation out of the way, on with the GamesMaster Team Championship.

Episode Thirteen

The first team are Armchairs of Hertfordshire (yes, the teams will all have team names) and they go up against Redbridge Raiders and Turbo Destructors in this first heat. The first challenge is on Aladdin (Mega Drive) and the players have to collect as many apples as they can in 45 seconds, each team choses one person for their team to take this on. The Armchairs grab 13 apples, Turbo Destructors manage to get 14, while Redbridge Raiders die in three seconds by falling into lava and score nowt. So this is how the scoring works, the winning team of each challenge will get 5 points, the second place team get 2 points and the losing team… well they get nothing. So this early in the championships the scores are:

Armchairs of Hertfordshire – 2
Redbridge Raiders – 0
Turbo Destructors – 5

SCOREBOARD

No, I’m not going to be posting a pic of every scoreboard in the championship, just this one as an example. Anyway, it’s the first set of reviews, Sensible Soccer (Mega Drive) scores with a 92%. Dennis the Menace (SNES) gets a 58%. Then Goal (Game Boy) get an embarrassing 37%. No feature, so it’s on to the next challenge and the game is winter sports game, Val d’Isere Championship (SNES). Contestants have to snowboard down a slalom course in the fastest time. The losing team always goes first in the second challenge, that’s Redbridge Raiders who finish with a time of 39.12 seconds. Armchairs of Hertfordshire are up next and get a time of 38.92. So, Turbo Destructors are up last and get a very impressive 34 seconds dead. After that, the scoreboards are:

Armchairs of Hertfordshire – 4
Redbridge Raiders – 0
Turbo Destructors – 10

That means the Redbridge Raiders are out of the championships already. But, Turbo Destructors and Armchairs of Hertfordshire go on to do battle in the final challenge (see, makes sense now eh?). Before that though, it’s celebrity challenge time, and just to make things a bit more confusing, there’s a little celeb championship going on within the main championships. A friendly game of footie with Vinnie Jones and Les Ferdinand. The game is the first ever FIFA game, FIFA International Soccer (Mega Drive) with Vinnie playing as Holland and Les as Brazil. Vinnie takes an early lead when he tucks one away, followed by another soon afterwards and the first half ends 2-0 to Holland. The second half gets underway and Les comes out fighting, her gets a couple of decent shots on target, but nothing gets through. The final whistle blows and Vinnie Jones is the winner, securing a place in the final of this championship… within a championship. Dexter Fletcher and Vinnie Jones together five years before appearing in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels in1998.

VINNE JONES

Hints & tips next and GamesMaster helps out Aladdin (Mega Drive), Super Star Wars (SNES) and Syndicate (Amiga). Then it’s the final of this opening heat and there are no points here, just a simple win or lose, with the wining team going through to the semi-finals of the GamesMaster Team Championship. The game is the beat ’em up, World Heroes 2 (Neo Geo). Turbo Destructors play as Captain Kidd while Armchairs of Hertfordshire use Johnny Maximum. Armchairs take the first round, though it was a close fight. Turbo Destructors win the second round… using some spamming techniques. So it’s one round a piece and the final round goes to Turbo Destructors who win with relative ease and they go through to the semi-finals while Armchairs of Hertfordshire go home.

Golden joysticks won – 0

Episode Fourteen

This episode sees The Wizards, Culture Crew and The G.I.T.S fight for a place in the finals, the first game is Skyblazer (SNES) and the teams have to collect 50 diamonds in the quickest time. First up, The Wizards manage to grab 59 (thanks to a cheeky bonus) diamonds in 35 seconds. The G.I.T.S only pick up 25 diamonds in 22 seconds as they die before they can collect the total. So it’s Culture Crew next who mange 49 diamonds before the 35 seconds set by The Wizards is up:

The Wizards – 5
Culture Crew – 2
The G.I.T.S – 0

SKYBLAZER SNES

Reviews again and Aladdin (SNES) gets 78%. While Cybermorph (Atari Jaguar) get an inexplicable 81%. Then it’s feature time and we get an exclusive look at Mortal Kombat II (Arcade) before it’s release. The second challenge is on Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine (Mega Drive) and the three teams have 45 seconds to get the highest bean count possible. The G.I.T.S go first and get a count of 28 beans. Culture Crew is up next and 25 beans before running out of time. Lastly, The Wizards also nab 25 beans, that makes the scoreboard look like:

The Wizards – 7
Culture Crew – 4
The G.I.T.S – 5

Despite failing the first challenge, The G.I.T.S secure second place with The Wizards in first, so they go through to the final challenge. But Culture Crew get sent packing. Onto the second round of the FIFA International Soccer (Mega Drive) celeb challenge and it’s Dennis Wise vs. John Barnes kicking a ball around bit, with Dennis playing as Germany and John as Italy. It’s an action packed first half and John Barnes really comes out attacking, scoring two goals. Dennis fights back and tucks one away before the halftime whistle blows… only for John to sneak in another goal seconds later. The first half ends 3-1 to Italy. John Barnes just keeps attacking and sticks another away, the final whistle blows and it’s 4-1 to John Barnes, who goes through to the final against Vinnie Jones from last episode.

TMNT TOURNEY

Micro Machines (Mega Drive), The Ren & Stimpy Show: Veediots! (SNES) and Donk! Samurai Duck! (Amiga) get some help from GamesMaster. So it’s the final challenge on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters (SNES) and The G.I.T.S play as Leonardo while The Wizards favour Shredder. The first round is very nearly a perfect as Leonardo destroys Shredder with ease. Round two is pretty much more of the same as The G.I.T.S win and secure a place in the semi-finals. 

Golden joysticks won – 0

Episode Fifteen

First challenge this time is on Street Fighter II Championship Edition (Mega Drive). The Hackney Pranksters, Essex All Stars and Humberside Hawks are the teams. Now, as there three teams, this particular two-player fighting game causes a few issues with how to fairly pit each selected member of the team against each other. So, this is a single round fight and each of the team’s beat ’em up specialist will play each of the other team’s beat ’em up specialist in a round robin tournament-thing, each round won earns the team 5 points. So Hackney Pranksters go up against Humberside Hawks first and the first fight goes to Humberside Hawks. But Hackney Pranksters stays on to fight Essex All Stars. Anyway, the second round goes to Essex All Stars. So next up are Humberside Hawks fighting Essex All Stars, so each team has then fought each other team on the same game… that’s how a round robin works, and they’ll be more later. Essex All Stars win against Humberside Hawks. All that is left to do next is tot up the points and it works out like this, Hackney Pranksters didn’t win a single round in the fight, so score 0. Humberside Hawks won one round, 5 points but Essex All Stars won two rounds, which leaves the scoreboard looking like this:

Hackney Pranksters  – 0
Essex All Stars – 10
Humberside Hawks – 5

It’s on to the reviews and this section features an inspiration to me and a man I didn’t even know was ever on GamesMaster until doing this very retrospective. So Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters (Mega Drive) gets 75%. While World Soccer (SNES) scores 69%. The feature looks at the (then) soon to be released, disaster of a game Rise of the Robots (Multi-format). Oh, and as for the man I admire and didn’t even know was on GamesMaster

BIFFO

Paul ‘Mr. Biffo’ Rose! If you don’t know who he is, click here and here and here as Paul has been one of my biggest influencers, I seriously love this guy. Platform game Magic Boy (SNES) is the second challenge and the teams and they have to capture as many animals as possible in 45 seconds. Hackney Pranksters are up first and they manage to catch 9 animals before the clock runs out. Humberside Hawks don’t have time to see the end of the 45 seconds as they die before that can happen, but they did nab 6 animals. Finally, it’s Essex All Stars who get 7 animals. The scores stand at:

Hackney Pranksters  – 5
Essex All Stars – 12
Humberside Hawks – 5

With two teams on 5 points and as only the top two can go through to the final, it’s a tie-breaker. GamesMaster pits the two tying teams against each other on Super Mario Kart (SNES). One lap on the Mario Circuit track and whoever crosses the line first wins. Humberside Hawks do a cheeky shortcut to win and meet Essex All Stars in the final. Speaking of finals, it’s also the final of the FIFA International Soccer (Mega Drive) celeb challenge. Vinnie Jones vs John Barnes with Vinnie playing as Holland and John as Italy. Vinnie scores a bit if a sly goal and that’s the only goal in the first half. The second half sees two more goals… both of them from Vinnie Jones. Final score 3 – 0 to Vinnie Jones who wins the first golden joystick of the second half of series three.

VINNIE AND DEXTER

GamesMaster throws out some more gaming life preserves with his hints & tips. Cool Spot (SNES), Arabian Nights (Amiga) and Jungle Strike (Mega Drive) are all helped. It’s Humberside Hawks against Essex All Stars in the final. The game is tennis game, Davis Cup World Tour (Mega Drive) and each player has 10 balls to hit set targets. Humberside Hawks are up first and they score a very decent 7 points from 10 balls. Essex All Stars only manage to get a very poor 3 points from 10 balls. So Humberside Hawks go through to the semis while Essex All Stars are sent packing. I guess it’s also worth mentioning that it was the team captain who failed so badly for Essex All Stars in that last challenge, a kid called Simon.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Sixteen

Merry Christmas! Yes, it’s the GamesMaster 1993 Christmas special. There’s a slight break from the GamesMaster Team Championship as this episode is a Christmas panto special with three teams of celebs representing their panto, going up against each other to try and win a golden joystick. Though this isn’t part of the GamesMaster Team Championship, it still plays out the same with the three teams battling it out over various gaming challenges to win points, to get to the final. The teams are Dick Wittington – Croydon (Lorraine Chase, John Altman), Dick Wittington – Bath (Robert Duncan, Wayne Morris) and Aladdin – Woking (Graham Bickley, Ray Meagher). The first challenge is on Adventures of Yogi Bear (SNES) and players have 45 seconds to collect as many clocks as possible. Robert Duncan from Dick Wittington – Bath is first and he manages 16 clocks. Lorraine Chase from Dick Wittington – Croydon is next and gets 13 clocks. Then finally we have Graham Bickley from Aladdin – Woking, who scores 14 clocks. Same scoring as the normal championships so: 

Dick Wittington – Croydon – 0
Dick Wittington – Bath – 5
Aladdin – Woking – 2

GAMESMASTER CHRISTMAS

No reviews this time around, but five previous reviewers chose their games of the year, 1993. Steve Merret choses Street Fighter II: Championship Edition (Mega Drive) as his game of the year. Julian ‘Jaz’ Rignall has FIFA International Soccer (Mega Drive) as his pick. Paul ‘Mr Biffo’ Rose selects Zombies Ate My Neighbors (SNES) is his game of the year. Andy Nuttall picks Syndicate (Amiga) as his game of 1993. While Josse Billson has three games, Sensible Soccer (Mega Drive), Claymates (SNES) and ClayFighter (SNES). No feature, but a competition called ‘Room of the Future’ where viewers can win some newly released games consoles is introduced. Then it’s onto the second challenge of the episode and the teams have 45 seconds to collect as many diamonds as they can on Super Alfred Chicken (SNES). Up first is John Altman for team Dick Wittington – Croydon, who gets a grand total of 0 as he dies early doors. Aladdin – Woking’s Ray Meagher is next and he does nab 12 diamonds before dying. Finally there’s Wayne Morris for Dick Wittington – Bath trounces over the others with 33 diamonds… and he doesn’t die either. Taking the scores to:

Dick Wittington – Croydon – 0
Dick Wittington – Bath – 10
Aladdin – Woking – 4

SUPER ALFRED CHICKEN SNES

A very poor performance from Dick Wittington – Croydon who didn’t score any points at all. As with the normal championships, it’s only the top two who got through to the final. So Dick Wittington – Croydon go home while Dick Wittington – Bath and Aladdin – Woking face each other in the final. Then, within this celebrity special episode, there’s still a ‘normal’ celebrity challenge to get through. Frank Bruno is the celeb and goes up against his own daughter, Nicola at boxing game Greatest Heavyweights (Mega Drive). It’s only a 1 round bout and Nicola comes out fighting, punching her father in the face over and over. There are no knockouts, so it goes to points and Nicola wins the golden joystick.

Showing some Christmas merriment, GamesMaster helps out those less fortunate once more. Joe & Mac (Game Boy) and Superman (Master System) are the games offered a little Christmas present. Then it’s on to the final where Dick Wittington – Bath and Aladdin – Woking have to play Christmas Lemmings (Amiga) and whoever saves the most % of lemmings in 45 seconds wins. Aladdin – Woking are first and get a very beatable 45%. Dick Wittington – Bath score a decent 60%. So team Dick Wittington – Bath are the golden joystick winners of this Christmas celebrity panto special.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Seventeen

After that Christmas special, it’s back to the GamesMaster Team Championship. The first challenge is on Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (SNES). The contestants have 45 seconds to score as many points as they can. Dream Team are first and get a terrible 950 points before the clock runs out. Charlton Crew are next, who get a much more impressive 5100 points. Perfection score 1800, which is below average, but still enough to secure second place. The scores look very much like this:

Dream Team – 0
Perfection – 2
Charlton Crew – 5

SUPER EMPIRE STRIKES BACK SNES

Yup, review time once again. Boxing Legends of the Ring (SNES) get a 78%. Then F-117 Night Storm (Mega Drive) is given 67%. Another plug for the ‘Room of the Future’ competition and no feature. So it’s onto the second challenge, the game is on pinball game Dragon’s Revenge (Mega Drive) and the contestants have to beat a level boss in the quickest time only using one pinball. The losing team, Dream Team go first and manage to win in 40 seconds. Perfection next, who get off to a very bad start by losing their only ball in 9 seconds and fail. Charlton Crew are the last team and only have to last more than 9 seconds to win some points, but finish in under 40 seconds to win. The bad news is they lose the ball, the good news is… not until 25 seconds into the challenge. Though Charlton Crew failed, they lasted longer than Perfection. The scoreboard is thus:

Dream Team – 5
Perfection – 2
Charlton Crew – 7

Perfection are out of the championship, while Dream Team and Charlton Crew go to the final. Celebrity challenge time once more and two members of the audience have a chance of winning a date… but with who? She has been on GamesMaster before, the Games Mistress (Dianne Youdale). The challenge is on Lethal Enforcers (Mega Drive) and Games Mistress goes first to set a score within half a minute, then the contestants, Daniel and Steven have to try and beat that score in the fastest time possible. Games Mistress puts in a very beatable performance, after shooting a cop in the first 4 seconds, she does get a score of 46 in 30 seconds. Steve goes first and knocks up a score of 48 points with 5 seconds left. Daniel’s aim is worse than a drunken stormtrooper as gets a grand total of 0 points after loosing all his health due to massacring innocent civilians. Steven has a big ‘ole smile on his face, not just because he won a golden joystick, but because he also got to spend some time with the Games Mistress… lucky bastard.

GAMES MISTRESS

Technoclash (Mega Drive), Shadowrun (SNES) and Alien 3 (SNES) all have peeps asking GamesMaster for some help. Final challenge time and we have a fight on the rather ‘wooden’ beat ’em up Elfmania (Amiga). You know the score by now, best of three rounds and the winner goes through to the semi-finals. Dream Team and Charlton Crew grab hold of their joysticks to give each other a fierce beating (sorry, but there’s a severe lack of double entendre with Dominik not being around). The first round goes to Dream Team, as does the second. Truth be told, Elfmania is a bit crap… so lets just quickly move on. Dream Team go to the semi-finals.

Golden joysticks won –  1

Episode Eighteen

This episode’s three teams are Conquerors, Nightmares and Livewires. The first challenge is on Top Gear 2 (SNES) and the contestants have to finish a single lap of the Austrian circuit in the fastest time. Conquerors put in a strong effort and despite smashing into a billboard at the side of the track, they get a time of 33.51 seconds. Nightmares spend more time bumping into the back of the opposing cars than going around them, losing seconds and finishing in 37.06. Then we have Livewires, who get a time of 33.20 to win the big points. Scoreboard time:

Conquerors – 2
Nightmares – 0
Livewires – 5

TOP GEAR 2 SNES

Review round up and ToeJam & Earl in Panic on Funkotron (Mega Drive) gets 90% and F1 Pole Position (SNES) scores 78%. The feature looks at the pre-release version of Alien vs Predator (Jaguar) while that ‘Room of the Future’ competition continues. Round two of the championship next and the game is Tinhead (Mega Drive) and GamesMaster gives 45 seconds to score as many points as possible. Team Nightmares are first and gets a very nice 6150 points. Conquerors are next and they take too many hits, die after only a few seconds with a piss-poor score of 500. Livewires are up next and they can beat 500 points with ease, they do take a few hits and it looks bleak, but they manage to hold on and score 1000 points before dying. That mixes up the scoreboard a bit:

Conquerors – 2
Nightmares – 5
Livewires – 7

Nightmares and Livewires go through. Simone Robertson from then popular Aussie soap, Neighbours is the celeb and she takes on a Sam, a challenger from the audience at Plok (SNES). Given only a single life, whoever finishes a level in the fastest time wins. Simone breezes through the level, avoids the bad guys and finishes with a time of 21 seconds. Sam does even better and get to the end in just 17 seconds to win the golden joystick. A rather quick, ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ challenge.

3 BOUT COUNT NEO GEO

GamesMaster is back dishing out his hints & tips. Rocket Knight Adventures (Mega Drive), Magic Boy (Amiga) and The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening (Game Boy) get some help. So it’s the final challenge, the game is wrestling game, 3 Count Bout (Neo Geo). Whoever pins their opponent first wins. Nightmares and Livewire get down to some man on man grappling action and it’s a close fight as the two exchange blows. They both have zero health left, but they have to pin to win and Nightmares just about manage to win by a whisker. 

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Nineteen

Three more teams fight it out for a place in the semi-final. Warwickshire 49ers, Heavy Tactics and Mega Maniacs are the teams. It’s another round robin tournament with a single round bout on Samurai Shodown (Neo Geo), each round won earns 5 points. Warwickshire 49ers vs Heavy Tactics first and Heavy Tactics win. Then Mega Maniacs step up to take on Heavy Tactics, for Heavy Tactics to win again. The last round is Warwickshire 49ers vs Mega Maniacs, which the 49ers win. Now each team has played each other. Warwickshire 49ers won one round, Heavy Tactics won two rounds, while Mega Maniacs won nowt:

Warwickshire 49ers – 5
Heavy Tactics – 10
Mega Maniacs – 0

SAMURAI SHODOWN NEO GEO

Eternal Champions (Mega Drive) scores 81%. Total Carnage (Game Boy) gets a mediocre 58% in the reviews. there’s a bit more of that ‘Room of the Future’ comp and no feature, so straight onto the second challenge. GamesMaster gives 45 seconds and 3 lives to collect as many bells as possible on Pop’n TwinBee: Rainbow Bell Adventures (SNES). Mega Maniacs up first and takes a few hits, dying before the clock expires, but grabbing 145 bells along the way. Warwickshire 49ers go next and they spend more time avoiding he bells than collecting them, but still get a total of 110 bells. Heavy Tactics get squished under a falling block and die, but they did collect 145 bells, the same as Mega Maniacs. The scoreboard says:

Warwickshire 49ers – 5
Heavy Tactics – 15
Mega Maniacs – 5

It’s a tie-break between Warwickshire 49ers and Mega Maniacs, so GamesMaster pits them against each other on Mortal Kombat (SNES). It’s only a single round fight, Warwickshire 49ers play as Sub-Zero while Mega Maniacs use Rayden. It’s not even a close fight as Mega Maniacs romp tom victory with ease. Celebrity challenge time again and athlete with the best laugh ever, Kriss Akabusi picks a challenger form the crowd, Gia. James Pond 3 (Mega Drive) is the game and it’s a simple finfish the level in the fastest time thing. Kriss goes first and falls on some spikes as well along with struggling to get up a hill, both errors lose him time. Kriss finishes with a beatable 28 seconds. Gia next and she falls on the same spikes and struggles with the same hill as Kriss, only much worse and runs out of time, failing the challenge. Kriss Akabusi wins the golden joystick… but he gives it to Gia in a gallant act of chivalry, or maybe he just didn’t want the golden joystick? Useless bit of trivia for you. YouTuber, ‘Guru’ Larry Bundy Jr bought Gia’s golden joystick from her on eBay a few years back.

MORTAL KOMBAT SNES 2

Hints & tips time yet again as Jurassic Park (SNES) and Brutal Sports Football (Amiga) get some GamesMaster help. Heavy Tactics take on Mega Maniacs at NBA Jam (SNES), whoever scores the most points in a single quarter wins. Mega Maniacs break the ice with a slam dunk to score first, they follow that up with another basket… and another. Heavy Tactics finally score, only for Mega Maniacs to score again, making it 8 -2 to the Mega Maniacs, it’s all a bit one-sided. Then Mega Maniacs foul and give 3 points to Heavy Tactics, it’s now 8 -5. Heavy Tactics do get another basket making the score 8 -7 and if they had a bit more time, they could’ve made an amazing comeback to win… IF they had more time. The clock runs down leaving the score 8 – 7 to Mega Maniacs who go to the semi-finals.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Twenty

GamesMaster selects Eternal Champions (Mega Drive) for the first challenge and it’s another round robin beat ’em up thing. You know the score by now, one round bouts and each team plays against each other team with 5 points awarded for each round won. The three teams battling it out this episode are The Delilahs, Take This and Wanstead Magic. Up first it’s The Delilahs vs Take This and Take This wins. The Delilahs do battle with Wanstead Magic with the win going to The Delilahs. So the final round is between Wanstead Magic and Take This and ends with Take This as the victors. Setting up the scores like this:

The Delilahs – 5
Take This – 10
Wanstead Magic – 0

TEAM PICS

There are no reviews this time, but instead we get a a selection of previews seen at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Stunt Race FX (SNES) and Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (Mega Drive) get looked at. More ‘Room of the Future’ competition stuff before the second challenge. Bubba ‘n’ Stix (Mega Drive) is the game and the contestants are given 45 seconds to score as many points as possible. Wanstead Magic are first and scores 6,000, a good but certainly beatable attempt. The Delilahs are next and despite getting stuck in an easily escapable pit, losing seconds, they do manage a score of 6,300. Finally it’s Take This who lead with a 6,800 score:

The Delilahs – 12
Take This – 15
Wanstead Magic – 0

Wanstead Magic go home while The Delilahs will battle it out against Take This in the final. Celebrity challenge time now and Andrew Paul and Lisa Geoghan from popular police drama, The Bill are up. GamesMaster has them playing T2: The Arcade Game (SNES) and it’s whoever scores the most points in 45 seconds wins. Andrew goes first and manages a 11,500 score. Lisa tired her best, but only gets 10,900, meaning Andrew Paul wins the golden joystick… though to be fair, both were handicapped having to use that awful SNES Super Scope bazooka thing.

T2 SNES CHALLENGE

GamesMaster opens his ‘soup kitchen for the gaming undernourished’ (his words, not mine) as Puggsy (Mega Drive) and Zool (Mega Drive) get dished up with some help. Then it’s the final team challenge to secure a place in the semis. The Delilahs and Take This play a classic game of footie on Super Goal! 2 (SNES) is the game. The Delilahs playing as Brazil while Take This chose Germany. It’s a scoreless first half, but both teams had a few attempts on goal. The second half is a bit more spicy as Germany tuck one away. Despite fighting back, the score remains 1 – 0 to Germany as Take This go through.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Twenty-One

Megabites, Elite 3 and RCC (Reading Console Crew) are the three teams this episode. The first challenge is on Adventures of Yogi Bear (SNES), with 45 seconds to collect as many clocks as possible. Megabites score an pretty good 34 clocks. Elite 3 just nudge ahead with 36 clocks collected. So RCC go last and mess up a little along the way, only managing to grab 26 clocks. Leaving the scoreboard looking like:

Megabites – 2
Elite 3 – 5
RCC – 0

DAVE AND DEXTER 2

Review time again and The Legend of the Mystical Ninja (SNES) is given a very worthy, but not good enough 81%. Alone in the Dark 2 (PC) gets 90%. Then we get a sneak peek at Sega’s Virtua Fighter (Arcade). Yup, more of that ‘Room of the Future’ comp. Second challenge time and Lotus Turbo Challenge 2 (Mega Drive) is the game. Whoever scores the most points in 45 seconds wins, simple. RCC go first and get a score of 221,990. Megabites are next and they get a relatively poor and very beatable score of 91,710. So it’s current leaders, Elite 3 next and they land a better score of 106,720:

Megabites – 2
Elite 3 – 7
RCC – 5

Elite 3 and RCC go to the final challenge. Snooker ace, Ronnie O’Sullivan is the celeb this episode and he has to picks an audience member, Carla to play pool game, Side Pocket (SNES). GamesMaster gives them just five shots each to score the most points. Carla goes first and gets off to a good start, sinking a couple of balls. She also sinks a rather lucky re-bound shot and scores 400 points. Ronnie is up next and puts in a rather rushed and dismal attempt to score 200 points. Carla wins the golden joystick.

JAMMIT MEGA DRIVE

GamesMaster hands out more hints & tips, Adventures of Dr. Franken (SNES), Desert Strike (Master System) and Linus Spacehead’s Cosmic Crusade (Mega Drive) get helped. Then it’s final challenge time as Elite 3 and RCC face each other on street basketball game, Jammit (Mega Drive), with the first player to score 5 baskets being declared the winner. They waste no time in dunking their balls on each other as they both score 1 basket a piece. It’s very evenly matched as neither team pulls ahead, until Elite 3 block an attack and sink a basket to make the score 4 – 2 in their favour. RCC do get another point, but Elite 3 just come right back and score their last and wining basket. 5 – 3 to Elite 3, and they send RCC home.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Twenty-Two

So this is the last of the heats before the semi-finals start next episode. The teams are Fowley Force, Laser Force and Questers. Challenge number one is on Skitchin’ (Mega Drive) and contestants are given 45 seconds to overtake as many opponents as possible from starting in 7th. Fowley Force manage to do really, really badly and gain zero positions, remaining in 7th. Laser Force do just as badly and stay in 7th, can anyone gain a position? Questers show them how it’s done and finish in 3rd place. The scoreboard says this: 

Fowley Force – 2
Laser Force – 2
Questers – 5

SKITCHIN MEGA DRIVE

Time to look at some reviews again next and it’s basketball games under the spotlight. HyperDunk (Mega Drive) gets a 58%. NBA Showdown (Mega Drive) is given another 58%. Then NBA Jam (SNES & Mega Drive) is on fire with 92%. The winners of that ‘Room of the Future’ competition is announced and Sarah Tongue from Redditch won an Amiga CD-32, John Henry from Lancashire won a Philips CD-i, S Ahmed from Liverpool won an Atari Jaguar and Jonathan Rangel from Wolverhampton won a 3DO. Yup, crap prizes all round really and no eBay in 1994 to sell them on either. So with that out of the way, it’s onto the next challenge. Jim Power: The Lost Dimension in 3-D (SNES) is the game for some platforming action, contestants are given 45 seconds to get the highest score possible. Laser Force are first and get a very good but beatable 5,030 points. Fowley Force are up next and 4,420 is the very dismal score they manage. Which leaves current leaders, Questers a pretty easy target to beat… but they right mess it up, die and only get 2,500 points.

Fowley Force – 4
Laser Force – 7
Questers – 5

So the final will be between Laser Force and Questers. ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage is the celebrity next and he plucks an audience member, Bertha.  WWF Rage in the Cage (Sega CD) is the game and it’s ‘yer basic last person standing wins. I’d like to say how this is a close fight, I’d like to say that, but Bertha destroys Randy to win the golden joystick.

RANDY SAVAGE

Lamborghini American Challenge (SNES) and Street Fighter II: Champion Edition (Mega Drive) get some GamesMaster help. Laser Force and Questers fight it out for the last spot in the semi-finals on Boxing Legends of the Ring (SNES). It’s a single round fight to be won by knockout or points. It really is a close one as both teams give as good as they get. No KOs, so it goes to points, which the judges score 10 – 9 to Questers. So that’s all of the heats done and dusted, it’s now onto the semi-finals as the GamesMaster Team Championship approaches its climax.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Twenty- Three

So this is the start of the semi-finals and the winners from all the previous heats are back to take part in gaming challenges once more, this time battling for a spot in the final. Nine teams left and the first three are The G.I.T.S, Humberside Hawks and Dream Team, their first challenge is on Starwing (SNES). The teams have to score as many points as possible in 45 seconds. The G.I.T.S go first and make good use of the bonuses for extra points to score 8,004. Humberside Hawks go next and it looks like they are struggling for a while, but a well timed smart bomb with only 1 second left kills some enemies and they score 8,017 points. Dream Team go last and have some tough scores to beat, they miss out some early and easy points and end up with a total of 7,764. Scoreboard time:

The G.I.T.S – 2
Humberside Hawks – 5
Dream Team – 0

STARWING SNES

Reviews again and they focus on football games. Virtual Soccer (SNES) gets a 78%. The more cartoony Empire Soccer 94 (SNES) scores 81%. Then platformer Soccer Kid (SNES) is awarded 86%. No feature here, so straight to the second challenge on Sonic the Hedgehog (Mega Drive). The teams just have to finish a level in the fastest time. Dream Team are up first and get a time of 30 seconds, very good but still beatable. The G.I.T.S go next and get the exact same time of 30 seconds. 30 seconds is beatable, as both the previous teams did loose a second or two slowing down. Humberside Hawks go last and early doors, a mistimed jump slows them down and they end with a time of 33 seconds.

The G.I.T.S – 7
Humberside Hawks – 5
Dream Team – 5

It’s tie-break time again and GamesMaster picks beat ’em up World Heroes 2 (Neo Geo). It’s a single round fight and it’s Humberside Hawks vs Dream Team. Humberside Hawks absolutely pummel Dream Team and almost get a prefect. The ‘techno, techno, techno, techno!” duo band, 2 Unlimited are the celebrities taking on Fatal Fury 2 (Neo Geo). Bandmates Ray Slijngaard and Anita Doth have to punch and kick each other until only one remains in this best of three fight. The first round is actually a close one with both giving as good as they get, but it goes to Ray. Second round is even closer as both players get down to a one hit wind situation, Ray just about takes it via a jumping punch to win the golden joystick.

2 UNLIMTED

GamesMaster pops up again to hand out some gaming help. Kevin Keegan’s Player Manager, (SNES) is asked for some help from Kevin Keegan himself! James Bond 007: The Duel (Master System) and then, Kevin Keegan comes back asking for more help on his own game again. Final time and it’s Super Mario Kart (SNES) and the players have a 5 lap race, first to pass the line wins. The G.I.T.S really get to grips with the power-sliding to get into 1st place, but when Humberside Hawks nab a star power-up, they shoot into the lead on lap 3. The G.I.T.S catch up, but get hit by a shell and lose valuable time when they get stuck on a boundary wall. Just before the final lap, The G.I.T.S pick up a star which helps them gain some of the lost ground, but it’s just no enough and Humberside Hawks win a place in the grand final.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Twenty-Four

Round two of the semis and it’s Turbo Destructors, Mega Maniacs and Take This as the teams trying to secure a place in the final. GamesMaster selects Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive) as the game and yes, it’s another round robin. Mega Maniacs beat Turbo Destructors in round one and Take This in round two. The final round goes to Turbo Destructors. The scoreboard looks like:

Turbo Destructors – 5
Mega Maniacs – 10
Take This – 0

Another review round-up as Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (Mega Drive) gets 90%. Choplifter III (SNES) scores 78%. Then there’s a preview of some of the games for the soon to be released 3DO console. Super Mario Bros. 3 (SNES) is the game for challenge number two and all they have to do is finish a level in the fastest time. Take This up first and they last a terrible 16 seconds before they die. Turbo Destructors and all they really have to do is stand still for longer than 16 seconds to secure some points, but they try to finish the level and get a time of 23 seconds. Mega Maniacs and again, all they have to do is survive longer then 16 seconds, which is easy… but they try to finish the level and die in just 6 seconds. 6 SECONDS! I can manage sex longer than that.

Turbo Destructors – 10 
Mega Maniacs – 10
Take This – 2

SUPER MARIO BROS. 3

Though it is a tie at the top of the scoreboard, it’s the loosing team who go home. Turbo Destructors and Mega Maniacs go through to the final. But before that, it’s celebrity challenge time again. Crash Test Dummies… not the band, but actual crash test dummies, Slick and Spin take on The Incredible Crash Dummies (Mega Drive). Fastest to finish the level wins the golden joystick. Slick goes first and gets a tie of 41 seconds. Spin goes next and just wins with a time of 40 seconds to take the golden joystick.

More hints & tips from GamesMaster and Lotus Turbo Challenge 2 (Mega Drive), Rock n’ Roll Racing (SNES) and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Game Boy) are all given a leg up. So it’s the final between Turbo Destructors and Mega Maniacs. GamesMaster picks Striker (SNES) for some footie action. Mega Maniacs win and secure a place in the grand final. 

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Twenty-Five

Nightmares, Elite 3 and Questors are the three teams vying for the last place in the grand final. Aladdin (Mega Drive) is the game picked by GamesMaster, who gives the teams 45 seconds to collect as many apples as possible. Team Nightmares storm though the level and pick up a very good 46 apples. Elite 3 pick up the pad next and also score 46 apples. Now, both previous teams did miss a couple of easy to grab apples along the way, so 46 is beatable. Questors are last on this challenge and are in good stead to win… but they miss a few very easy to get apples in the last few seconds and only grab 42 apples. The scoreboard says:

Nightmares –  5
Elite 3 –  5
Questors – 0

ALADDIN MEGA DRIVE

No reviews to speak of this time, instead it’s a preview/opinion as four FMV games for the Sega CD get looked at. Prize Fighter, Ground Zero: Texas, Double Switch and MegaRace get shown with a few comments (not really reviews and no scores) from some gaming industry peeps. No feature either, so let’s crack on with the second challenge. Pilotwings (SNES) is the game and it’s the parachuting level. Freefall trough rings, land close or on to the target to score points. Questors go first and they miss several rings and splashdown in the water, missing the landing target to score a very, very poor 9 out of a possible 100 points. Being at the bottom of the scoreboard… this does not look good for Questors at all. Elite 3 next and with a score of 9 to beat, this should be a doddle… and it is, going through all the rings already beats the previous score and even land a bullseye, scoring the maximum 100 points. Nightmares go next and again, all they have to do is beat 9 points, but they miss several rings and do a very sloppy landing outside of the target… but at least it wasn’t in the water, 11 points. 

Nightmares – 7
Elite 3 – 10
Questors – 0

PILOTWINGS SNES

After that very embarrassing performance, Questors go home. Long forgotten about, British boyband, Bad Boys Inc are the celebrities up next, well two of the four are, Tony Dowding and Ally Begg. The duo take on Star Wars: Rebel Assault (PC) and have to navigate Beggar’s Canyon in their training ship. Ally goes first and he pinballs around the canyon and blows up, only lasting 20 seconds. Tony next and he smashes into the canyon wall a few times too, but manages to last 37 seconds to win the golden joystick.

Once more, GamesMaster offers up some help. Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (SNES) and Premier Manager 2 (Amiga) are both given a leg up. So this is it, the last chance to secure a place in the grand final of the GamesMaster Team Championship. It’s Nightmares vs Elite 3 and they are fighting it out on Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES) in a classic best of three scrap. Elite 3 win the first two rounds to win.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Twenty-Six

So this is it, all the previous heats and semi-finals have led to this point, the GamesMaster Team Championship grand final. There’s some really cheesy, toe-curling nineties trash-talk as the teams are introduced. Cybermorph (Atari Jaguar) is the game and contestants have just 45 seconds (again) to collect 18 diamond pods on the level. Mega Maniacs only grab 8, leaving 10 pods. Elite 3 just about get 9 pods. Then Humberside Hawks also nab 8 pods. With both Humberside Hawks and Mega Maniacs grabbing the same amount, the scores look like:

Humberside Hawks  – 2
Mega Maniacs – 2
Elite 3 – 5

CYBERMORPH (JAGUAR)

No reviews or feature, straight into the second challenge and GamesMaster selects one of the most infamously bad games ever made, Rise of the Robots (PC). As this is a beat ’em up, it’s another round robin scrap. Humberside Hawks win round one, Mega Maniacs win round two, then Humberside Hawks take the final round. After which:

Humberside Hawks  – 12
Mega Maniacs – 7
Elite 3 – 5

Elite 3 are out of the grand final, leaving Humberside Hawks and Mega Maniacs to duke it out. No celebrity challenge or GamesMaster hints & tips this time, straight back into the action. Things get shaken up a bit for this grand final. There are three separate challenges on three different games, so it’s the best of three challenges. Sonic CD (Sega CD) is the first game and it’s a simple finish the level in the quickest time thing. Humberside Hawks are up first and set a time of 34.68 seconds. Mega Maniacs mess up badly and fail, unable to beat the time set.

The next challenge is on Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES) in a best of three round fight. Mega Maniacs win the first round and the second round… quite easily too. So it’s one challenge a piece, whichever team wins the next challenge will become GamesMaster Team Champions.

STREET FIGHTER II TURBO SNES

So, this is it, Striker (SNES) is the game for two halves of (possible) goal scoring action. Humberside Hawks play as England and Mega Maniacs chose Germany… a bitter rivalry to be settled on the football pitch. Germany waste no time and score the opener in seconds, 1 – 0 to Germany and Mega Maniacs. England come back fighting and quickly respond with an attack with two shots.. both hit the crossbar. Germany are not too happy about that, so just as quickly pop another one in the net, 2 – 0 to Germany. The halftime whistle blows, England, Humberside Hawks are 2 goals down and need to come out fighting… and they do, putting the round leather thing between the posts 2 – 1 to Germany. With just a few seconds left on the clock, German make it 3 – 1. Then England put another away 3 – 2 with only 10 seconds left! It’s a close one, but England just couldn’t do it. Germany, team Mega Maniacs are GamesMaster Team Champions.

MEGSA MANIACS WIN

Mega Maniacs win an Amiga CD-32, Philips CD-i Atari Jaguar and a PC. The PC they (have) to donate to charity. Runners up, Humberside Hawks win a golden joystick each. Then, on top of their gaming console prizes, Mega Maniacs win a special jewel encrusted golden joystick each, as well as the title of GamesMaster Team Champions.

Golden joysticks won – 3
Jewel encrusted golden joysticks won – 3


Overall

You ask any GamesMaster fan about series three and you’ll get nothing but anger in return. That anger mainly comes from Dexter Fletcher’s presenting, his penchant for shouting and screaming ‘OI GAMESMARSTA!!!’ is a very notable point of anger, then there’s the infuriating whistling that he keeps doing. Myself, I always remember hating this series more than any of the others, but that was twenty-seven years ago. Re-watching it for this retrospective, I really didn’t think Dexter was all that bad to be honest. He doesn’t have the cheeky charm of Dominik Diamond and the writing of some of the ‘jokes’ for this series was pretty flat. But overall, Dexter was not as bad as I remember, yes he is a bit overbearing a times, but I still found him enjoyable… mostly. Looking at the series as an adult, I’m pretty sure it was the writing that was the biggest issue and not so much Dexter himself. Still, it’s not as if Dexter Fletcher would ever go on to do anything major after this is it?

Some of the format changes felt out of place, I understand they wanted to do something different, but I honestly got bored of the whole GamesMaster Team Championship thing in the second half, it just dragged on and on. You can probably tell as some my commentary here got less detailed and a bit more lax as it went on (I honestly lost interest at points). Plus, to cram in more challenges and more players for the teams, the challenges had to become shorter overall, which didn’t add much to the excitement really. Look at previous series and challenges lasted several minutes, here in the second half, most lasted seconds. I think if they had a smaller team count for the championship and made them fight it out over two episodes instead of cramming it all into one, it could’ve been better. Possibly the weakest series of the whole show? I’ll pass judgement after I’ve been through all seven series at the end.

DEXTER 2

Total golden joysticks won – 13
Total jewel encrusted golden joysticks won – 3

Well, now series three is out of the way, things begin to get really interesting both in front and behind the cameras at GamesMaster. Series four begins soon. 

“OI GAMESMARSTA!!!”

– Dexter Fletcher

GamesMaster: A Retrospective – Series Three, Part One

Well this one has been a long time coming. I’ve been a bit side tracked what with other writing projects going on… oh and there’s been that pandemic whatsit-thing too. But I’m now cracking on with the next two (maybe three) series of GamesMaster for this very lengthy retrospective. Coming off the back of series two, there’s been a few changes. Dominik Diamond is gone, to be replaced with Dexter Fletcher for series three. The format is slightly changed too. Series three, like two before it also has a whopping twenty-six episodes to cover, so I will once more, be doing this in two parts.

Series Three

So okay, onto why Dominik is gone. It really depends on who you ask, but the general consensus about the reason why he left is because the show was to be sponsored by McDonald’s (see the main image up there ^^^), even Dominik himself has gone on record as saying as much. That sounds a bit stupid to me, I think there were other behind the scenes reasons why Dominik left. Not that it matters now, almost thirty years after the fact. At least Auntie Marisha is back. As for the in-universe reason Dominik Diamond is gone. Well if you remember the end of series two, the oil rig set blew up. The story is that Dominik died in that explosion. Patrick Moore is still on board as the titular GamesMaster though, now with a pet cat.

DEXTER

Beginning airing on the 9th of September, 1993 and being set in a fictional GamesMaster Academy (filmed in Oxford Prison), Dexter wastes no time in getting things underway. The format mixes things up through this series. Most episodes stick to the old format (first challenge, celeb challenge, final challenge), but now there’s this first challenge knockout round, then the final challenge… well final. Think of the episodes now being mini-tournaments in each episode. Some episodes spotlight just one game and offer other special challenges. Though the episodes still contains reviews, features, etc. Oh and the celebrity challenges are also back too. So, with that out of the way, on to episode one.

Episode One

This is one of those spotlight a single game episodes and Mortal Kombat (SNES) is the game of choice here. Dexter plucks four random contestants from the audience.  Chris, Paul Martin and Akbur have to fight it out to the death in a classic best of three round battle. Up first is Chris playing as Scorpion and Paul as Kano. Chris gets off to a cracking start and destroys Paul in a matter of seconds to win the first round. The second round is a little bit closer and Paul gives as good as he gets… until he corners himself and Chris as does a cheap, Johnny Lawrence ‘sweep the leg’ thing over and over and takes Paul out with ease. Going to the infamous ‘Finish Him’ finale and all Chris has to do is pull of a gruesome fatality, but just settles for a standard uppercut instead. Not that it would’ve really mattered as they were playing the heavily censored SNES port. As this the first of the longer, single episode challenges format that series three favours, Chris does not win a golden joystick, but he does get through to the next round. Next up are Martin as Rayden and Akbur as Sub-Zero. A bit more of an even fight here, though both still seem to be clueless on how to play Mortal Kombat. After a few exchanges of punches and kicks, Akbur takes Sub-Zero to victory. Martin comes back fighting by spamming Rayden’s special flying  move thing. Akbur puts up a good fight, but looses the second round. At one round a piece, it’s onto the decider where Martin continues to spam that flying move of Rayden’s, but Akbur gets wise and smacks him down to win the round and fight… again, no fatality. Akbur moves onto the next round.

MORTAL KOMBAT SNES

Up next are the first reviews of this new series. Of course, game of the episode, Mortal Kombat (SNES & Mega Drive) gets reviewed and it scores an 81%. Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES) is next  and it lands an 86%. Then it’s onto the feature, a look at the half a million dollar ad campaign for the console ports of Mortal Kombat. Interviews with the actors who played the digitised characters of Mortal Kombat and a look at how they were inserted into the game. Celebrity challenge time and we have another Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive) fight, only this time Daniel Pesina who played Johnny Cage and Elizabeth Malecki as Sonya Blade fight in character as their in game characters… in the game! Seeing as these guys are actors and not gamers, I’d expect the fight to be a bit poo. But its not, they offer a better fight and look at the game than the previous contestants. The first round goes to Sonya, but it’s a close one. Round two is a bit more one sided and won by Sonya again… and she even finishes with a fatality. Elizabeth Malecki (Sonya Blade) wins the first golden joystick of series three.

MORTAL KOMBAT ACTORS

Yup, its time for some hints & tips form GamesMaster. I bet you can’t guess what the first game is… Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive). Then Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES) and Starwing (SNES) get some help too. Next up is the final of the Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive) challenge. Previous winners, Chris and Akbur go head to head. Chris favours Scorpion while Akbur plays as Sub-Zero. Chris gets battered in the first round and it begins to look very bleak for him. Then he stages a genuinely impressive comeback with only a slither of health left to win the first round. The second round goes to Akbur who wins without breaking into a sweat. So it all comes down to the final round. It’s a close one but Chris as Scorpion goes on to win and he even does the (suspiciously edited) fatality too. Chris wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Two

GamesMaster wastes no time kicking things off with Ultimate Soccer (Mega Drive) for this episode. A special multi-player challenge with eight contestants playing in two teams of four, England lead by Woody and Scotland captained by Jim. Playing indoor, five-a-side football, the winning team goes into the finals where they will be split into four players and enter an every man for themselves play-off. Jim’s Scotland team are all over England in the opening and soon tuck a goal away to lead 1-0. England begin to fight back after the goal, but the first half ends 1-0 to Scotland. England start the second half strong and do get a shot on goal, but struggle to score. The game ends with Scotland winning 1-0, so Jim and his team go through to battle it out for a golden joystick later.

Review time and Rock n’ Roll Racing (SNES) gets a worthy 86%. Thunderhawk (Mega CD) manages a decent 81%. Cartoony scare-fest Haunting (Mega Drive) is given 75%. The feature looks at the terrible Newton MessagePad from Apple… think of it as a really, really early iPad. Basically, it was a glorified, digital Filofax and if you don’t know what a Filofax was, it was something pompous twats used a lot in the eighties to make themselves look even more of a pompous twat. OTT beat ’em up King of the Monsters 2 (Neo Geo) is the game selected for the celebrity challenge and eyepatch wearing singer Gabrielle is the celeb, who takes on non-celeb Nadine. It’s a best of three fight and the duo spend more time smashing buildings than each other. Then, after a bit of dancing around the screen, a fight actually breaks out and Nadine takes round one. In the second round, Gabrielle nabs a power-up that can give her the edge in the fight… and completely wastes it, Nadine pounds Gabrielle to win the fight and the golden joystick.

BOMBERMAN SNES

GamesMaster dishes out more help as Striker (SNES), Alfred Chicken (Game Boy) and Kirby’s Adventure (NES) are all made a bit easier. Then it’s the final and the winning Scotland team from the first challenge are back but now split into individuals. Chris, Jim, Jamie and Ross go head-to-head on  Super Bomberman (SNES), the classic, ‘blow the crap out of your mates’ game. Chris manages to get himself trapped between his own bomb and someone else’s and is the first to go BOOM! Ross walks blindly into an explosion and goes BOOM!, leaving only Jim and Jamie to fight it out. After a set time, the play area gets smaller and Jamie just walks straight in to the enclosing screen and dies… doesn’t go BOOM! Jim wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Three

This one is a special sports themed episode and kicking off the first challenge is James Pond’s Crazy Sports (SNES). Three peeps take this one on, Chirag, Sally and Darren take it in turns to get the fastest time on the Leap Frog race. Chirag puts in a great performance, hits an obstacle, but still puts in a very impressive time of 22.82 seconds. Up next is Sally who gets off to a fantastic start, but it all goes wrong in the last half of the race as she hits several hurdles and manages a time of 26 seconds dead. This challenge is actually qualifier to get through to the next round and only the top two fastest times go to the final. So Darren doesn’t have to get the fastest time, just beat Sally’s 26 seconds. He gets a time of 29.90 seconds… which is actually really surprising as he even used a cleverly hidden cheat to get a lengthy head-start. GamesMaster has a few words to say about Darren’s cheating. Given the big man’s penchant for handing out cheats in the show, he doesn’t actually berate Darren for cheating, but he does send him to the furnace for cheating and still losing. Fair I feel. Anyway, both Chirag and Sally go through to the final.

Street Fighter II (Mega Drive) gets 92%. Space Ace (SNES) scores a still too high 70%. Then Garfield Labyrinth (Game Boy) gets a scathing, but justifiable 28% in the review section. No feature this episode, so it’s straight to the celebrity challenge and the start of a three part Gladiators special challenge. Beat ’em up ClayFighter (SNES) is the game and it is Shadow and Falcon from the then popular TV show Gladiators to take it on. Shadow plays as Blue Suede Goo while Falcon favours Helga in this best of three rounds fight. Shadow kicks some clay-ass and takes the led in the first round, until Falcon begins to fight back and evens the score… but Shadow manages to land the final blow to win the first round. Then, despite putting up a good fight in the second round, Falcon loses, making Shadow the winner. No golden joystick though as this was just the first round, with the next rounds of this Gladiators special challenge coming over the next couple of episodes.

CLAYFIGHTER SNES

GamesMaster dishes out more of his gaming knowledge to us mere mortals. Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster’s Hidden Treasure (Mega Drive), Gunship 2000 (Amiga) and Another World (SNES) get helped. Final challenge of the show, Chirag and Sally are back and go up against each other at International Tennis Open (CD-i). It’s a best of three games match and the first game seems to go Chirag’s was as he leads 40-15. But Sally brings it back to take advantage point and goes on to win the first game. Chirag destroys Sally in the second game, making it one game a piece. It’s the final game and Sally gets revenge for the last game and whitewashes Chirag to win the game, match and golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Four

Mr. Nutz (SNES), one of those ‘cutesy’ platformers that were everywhere in the nineties is the game for the first challenge. Alister, Tom and Amber have to finish the opening level, fastest two go through to the final. Amber goes first and she takes a hit quite early on, given the fact it’s three hits and game over, that’s not good. She makes her way to the end and takes another hit from a bee, leaving her only one more chance. Thankfully, that hit was right at the end of the level, and Amber finishes in 24 seconds. Tom is up next and he makes it through the level without taking a single hit, that’s the good news. The bad news is he didn’t use the run button and finished with a time of 30 seconds. Alister blisters through the level with a time of 22 seconds. Tom goes home while Amber and Alister go through to battle it out in the final challenge. In all fairness, I think Tom was only about six years-old while the other two were early teens at least.

MR NUTS SNES

Review round-up and Lamborghini American Challenge (Game Boy) gets 86%. Pac-Attack (SNES) is awarded 81%. Then Fantastic Dizzy (Mega Drive) scores 75%. This episode’s feature takes a look at the Philips CD-i portable console which cost a whopping £1200 at launch. No, I had no idea these things existed either and £1200 in 2020 money would be around £2500… for a handheld console! No wonder they died out. So it’s celebrity challenge time again and the continuation of the Gladiators special from the previous episode. Cobra and Scorpio battle on ClayFighter (SNES) again with Cobra playing as The Blob while Scorpio uses Ickybod Clay in this best of three rounds bout. The first round is quite tight.. for a couple of clueless button mashers, but Scorpio takes the win. Then, in round two, Cobra gets pummelled and Scorpio goes through to the final.

A few games prove to be a tad too tricky for some. Players of Mr. Nutz (SNES), Zelda: Link’s Awakening (Game Boy) and Cool Spot (Mega Drive) get some much needed help. So it’s final time as Amber and Alister go toe-to-toe at Muhammad Ali Heavyweight Boxing (Mega Drive) is the game as the two peeps have to punch each other in the face until one of them falls down or two rounds are up. At only thirty-five seconds into the first round, Amber knocks Alister down, he does recover, only to be knocked down again with just seven seconds left of the first round. Alister is literally saved by the bell as round one ends. Round two sees Amber throwing punches like crazy, Alister manages to stay up this time around, not that it matters as it goes down to points after the second round and given Alister’s poor performance in round one, he loses badly. Amber wins the golden joystick. I’m not sure just how fair this last challenge was. Amber got to play as Muhammad Ali in a Muhammad Ali boxing game, while Alister had to play as a no-name challenger. I’m pretty sure Amber had a pretty huge advantage there.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Five

GamesMaster picks a corker for his first challenge, Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES). Four fighters step up to this one, Tim, Carl, Ramone and Poojah. Tim and Carl are up first with Tim playing as M. Bison and Carl with Ryu. Tim decimates Carl in about ten seconds and with a perfect too, quite embarrassing. Carl does a lot better in round two… well he manages to land two hits before losing, that’s a lot better then no hits I guess. Tim goes through to the final. Next up is Ramone and Poojah, playing as Blanka and Balrog respectively. This one is a bit of a closer fight… a bit, but Ramone does end up wining the first round. Round two is an even closer fight, but Ramone still wins. So Tim and Ramone will face each other in the final.

SMART PC

It’s review time and the awesome Flashback (SNES) gets a 86%. Sonic CD (Mega CD) scores 78%. Then Captain America and The Avengers (SNES) gets itself a very understandable 43%. The feature looks at something called the IDA Home Automation soft and hardware, presented by Auntie Marisha. It was this smart home thing before the ‘smart’ prefix even existed. You could plug it into your PC and program it to control household appliances (turn you TV on, program it to turn on your coffee machine in the morning and so on). No idea if it worked well or not as I can’t seem to find any evidence that it even existed, except for it being looked at in this feature. Anyway, it’s celebrity challenge time again and the final of the Gladiators special. Shadow and Scorpio from the last two episodes are back to face off against each other at ClayFighter (SNES). Shadow playing as Bad Mr Frosty and Scorpio favours Tiny in a classic ‘best of three’ round fight. Round one is very close with both contestants giving as good as they get, but Shadow manages to land the knockout blow and wins round one. The second round is even closer, it really gets down to each of them only needing one more hit. Scorpio does the deed and wins round two. So it goes down to the final round, which starts of pretty close, but Shadow does some serious butting mashing to win the challenge and the golden joystick.

SHADOW WINS

GamesMaster throws out more hints & tips and he asks for questions for beat ’em ups only. A cheeky chap gives GamesMaster some sass, asking for help without using manners and GamesMaster politely tells him to go away. You just don’t talk to the big man like that. Muhammad Ali Heavyweight Boxing (Mega Drive) has a secret revealed. Sassy boy comes back and asks for help again, for GamesMaster to dismiss him once more. Tuff E Nuff (SNES) is offered some help next. The yes, he’s back for a third time and this time, sassy boy offers his apologies and finally gets hints for Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive). So now it’s final time, Tim and Ramone take each other on at Art of Fighting (Neo Geo). Tim playing as Jack with Ramone as Lee. There’s a lot of jumping in round one and not much else, as Tim spams the flying kick move and takes the first win. Round two isn’t much different as Tim (once more) spams the flying kick and wins the golden joystick in the very dull final.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Six

Force your opponent to the edge of the screen racer, Micro Machines (Mega Drive) is the first challenge and taking this one on are Steve and Adam, who have to race mini-speedboats around a bath. Steve takes every point and whitewashes poor young Adam to win this one, with pretty much no issues. Given the fact Adam didn’t even score a single point, GamesMaster sends him to the furnace as punishment for such a poor performance.

This episodes reviews are Robocop Versus Terminator (Mega Drive) which scores 86%. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest (SNES) gets given 75%. Then Zombies Ate My Neighbors (SNES) gets a worthy 90%. Feature time and we get to look at the Atari Jaguar console ahead of its release. Not that they needed have bothered as it was shit. A quick mention of the ‘GamesMaster All Formats Team Videogames Championship’ is next, more on that later. The Utah Saints are the celebrities up for the next challenge. WWF Royal Rumble (SNES) is the game and Jez Willis and Tim Garbutt of the band have to grapple with each other until only one stands. Jez plays as Razor Ramon and Tim uses Randy Savage. It’s painfully clear that neither of them have any idea how to play as they just keep running up and down the ring… very occasionally landing a blow. Tim eventually wins when Jez knocks himself out by running into the railings outside of the ring. What a fight!

WWE SNES

Yup, it’s GamesMaster sharing his knowledge up next, throwing out more tips. Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (SNES),  Jungle Strike (Mega Drive) and Mystic Quest (Game Boy) are all given a GamesMaster boost. Welcoming back Steve from the first challenge, he has to finish the first level on Super Q*Bert (SNES). GamesMaster gives Steve one minute and three lives to finish this challenge. Steve loses one life by jumping of the edge of playing area, he soon loses another by hitting an enemy… but he does manage to finish the challenge regardless and wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Seven

Cosmic Spacehead (Mega Drive) is the game to get things started on this episode. No, I’ve never heard of it either, but if you remember the classic Combat (Atari 2600) game, that’s basically what this is. A top-down combat game where players have to throw custard pies at each other to win. Taking this one on are Liam and Mamuro (from Japan who only ever says ‘no trouble’) and the first to score ten points wins. It all starts off rather slow with neither Liam or Mamuro wanting to get in on the action. Liam scores a hit, Mamuro scores a hit, Liam scores a hit, Mamuro scores a hit. The fact that each player starts with a score of five and each hit lands a point, but also removes a point from whoever is hit means it just keeps going back and forth and basically staying at five points a piece for a while. Mamuro does manage to trap Liam and lands plenty of hits, taking the score to 9 – 1, needing only one more hit to win. Liam scores a point back… honestly, this one really drags on and on. I’ll just skip to the end, Mamuro (‘no trouble’) wins to take on the final challenge later.

COSMIC SPACEHEAD

Up for review this time are Gunstar Heroes (Mega Drive) gets 90%. Jurassic Park (SNES) is given 81% and Out to Lunch (SNES) cooks up 78%. Feature time and we get a look at the ReelMagic video card (PC) that allowed for full video playback on your computer… this was ground-breaking in 1993. As the video card came bundled with a copy of the adventure game Return to Zork, we also get a little look behind the scenes of the making of the game. Funny men Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis are the celebrities taking on the next challenge. Lucky & Wild (Arcade) is the game, one of those light-gun, on-rails shooters… but with a twist as this throws in driving to the mix. One player drives the car while the other shoots. Steve and Hugh have to finish the first level and take out the drug dealer boss at the end. This is actually quite an exciting little game, Starsky and Hutch inspired, tearing though the city, driving though shopping malls and jumping over hills action. After getting off to a pretty good start, Steve and Hugh find themselves ambushed by a bunch of bad guys and lose a lot of health. Smashing through scenery while shooting up henchmen in cars proves too tricky and the pair lose. GamesMaster is not happy about their performance, and so sends them to the furnace for six months of hard labour.

LUCKY AND WILD

Mega-Lo-Mania (Mega Drive), Super Star Wars (SNES) and Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (SNES) all get some help provided thanks to GamesMaster’s encyclopaedic knowledge. Mamuro is back to try an win the golden joystick, the game is a special exclusive first look for GamesMaster, Jungle Book (Mega Drive). Mamuro is given just one minute to score 4000 points. Getting off to a good start and using secret areas to score some points, it looks like Mamuro will have ‘no trouble’ in wining this one. But with only 15 seconds left on the clock, he only has a score of 2600. He runs out of time, well short of the target. No golden joysticks won in an episode for the first time this series.

Golden joysticks won – 0

Episode Eight

Super Pang (SNES) is this episode’s first challenge, whoever survives the longest wins. The Mother and Son duo of Sonya and Paul go up against each other with Mummy Sonya playing first. Mummy does okay at first. Shooting balls and managing to last a while, but comes a cropper with 47 seconds left on the clock. Paul up next and confident he can beat that 47 seconds. He not only beats the time, but also finishes the level (which he didn’t need to do), just to rub a bit of salt in the wound. Son beats Mother to go through to the final.

It’s review time once more and Cannon Fodder (Amiga) gets a very worthy 90%. Top Gear 2 (SNES) is given 81%. Then Dune II (Mega Drive) is given a very spicy 92%. Feature time and GamesMaster Live is back and given a big ‘ole plug. Celebrity challenge now and Eastenders star, Sean Maguire takes on non-celeb Steve on footie game, Striker (SNES) and it’s a classic game of two halves. Sean playing as Ireland while Steve plays as England and both players put up a good fight. There are tackles and shots a-plenty, despite the action, the first half ends with no goals. The second half is much of the same, more action and neither side seemingly better than the other… until Steve’s England tucks away a fantastic goal. Sean comes back fighting and does have a few shots on target, but nothing gets past by the time the final whistle blows and Steve wins the golden joystick. 

GAMESMASTER

GamesMaster returns to offer more of his hints & tips. Mummy Sonya from the first challenge is back asking for help with Super Pang (SNES), GamesMaster accompanies his help with a little cheeky remark about her lack of gaming skills. Dr. Franken II (Game Boy) and Day of the Tentacle (PC) are also helped out. Paul is back for the final challenge and he takes on Robocop Versus Terminator (Mega Drive). Paul has to finish the first level of the game in less than 1 minute. In 25 seconds, Paul loses a life, not that it matters much as long as he finishes the level in time. With 15 seconds left, he loses another life, but manages to get to the boss at the end of the level. With just 4 seconds left, Paul makes short work of the end of level boss… but he still needs to exit the level, which he does with just 1 second to spare. Paul wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Nine

GamesMaster chooses a belter for the first challenge, Super Mario All-Stars (SNES), a collection of four classic Mario games remastered. For this challenge, GamesMaster has picked three of the games and Sam, Steven and Samuel are the three contestants to take them on. Each of the three challengers pick one of the games at random, Sam gets Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (though the art for Super Mario Bros. 2 is shown), Steven takes on Super Mario Bros. 3 and Samuel has to tackle Super Mario. Bros. GamesMaster has selected a level on each game and the aim is simply to finish the level on that particular game in the fastest time with only one life. Sam goes first and takes it easy, a slower approach while trying to avoid losing her only life. She finishes the level in 59 seconds. Samuel is up next, he goes for a more direct and faster approach, using the run button as much as possible. Making a few very risky jumps and Samuel is close to the ned of the level with 37 seconds on the clock… when he mistimes a jump and falls into a pit, failing the challenge. So all Steven has to do it take his time and beat Sam’s time of 59 seconds to go through to the final. Given a much more tricky underwater level, Steven finishes with a time of 49 seconds and secures his place in the final. I’ve always had a problem with this challenge as each player gets a different game and different level, that’s not exactly fair really. 

MARIO SNES

Another review round up as Young Merlin (SNES) gets 86%. Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade’s Revenge (Mega Drive) is given 70%. Then The Fidgetts (Game Boy) is scored 63%. No feature this time and just another mention of the GamesMaster Live event. So it is celebrity challenge time once more and Dexter promises a special twist. British rapper Monie Love is the celeb and she goes up against two randomly picked audience members, Andy and Steven. Cool Spot (SNES) is the game chosen by GamesMaster… who’s cat has a flea problem. Monie is given one minute to score as many points as possible, then Andy and Steven have to try to beat that score on their one minute attempts. The twist to this challenge is that whoever wins gets to go out on a date with Monie. Monie sets the bar with a score of 4450 to beat. Andy goes first and beats Monie’s score with a 4550 in 45 seconds. Steven up next who only manages a score of 4100 before his time runs out. Andy wins not only that date with Monie, but also the golden joystick.

F1 MD

More poor unfortunates seek out help from the GamesMaster once more. Out to Lunch (SNES), Fantastic Dizzy (Mega Drive) and Super Strike Eagle (SNES) are all given some much needed love.  F1 (Mega Drive) is the game for the final challenge and GamesMaster gives Steven 1 minute to finish a lap on the famed Monaco circuit… just like real life! Steve crashes into a billboard at the side of the track and loses a big chunk of time. He tries to make up for the lost seconds, but fails to take the chequered flag before his time runs out. No golden joystick here.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Ten

This one is a very special episode as it was broadcast live from The Future Entrainment Show event, 1993, held at Earls Court. A live show, what could go wrong? The first challenge is on classic platformer Aladdin (SNES) and contestants have just 45 seconds to collect as many diamonds as they can. Taking this one on is Susie, Paul and Jamie who are pulled up on stage from the live crowd. Susie is first and puts in a very poor performance, grabbing just two diamonds. It almost looked like she was purposely trying to avoid them. Paul is up next and he also manages to only nab two diamonds. I swear, these kids must be doing this on purpose, I mean, they actually move away from very easy to collect diamonds. So up last is Jamie and he must be able to do better than two. I mean, there are two in a line that are easy to get near the start in the opening. Jamie grabs two within the first few seconds and two more a little later, making his total four. He still missed some easy ones, but Jamie didn’t need them as he wins the golden joystick regardless.

No reviews in this episode, instead, live Dexter introduces himself doing a pre-recorded tour of The Future Entrainment Show, looking at various stands and attractions. There is still the celebrity challenge though as British boxers Barry McGuigan and Nigel Benn take on Sonic Blast Man (Arcade). This game has featured on the show before, each boxer punches the pad three times, greatest total damage done wins. Barry McGuigan is up first and scores 123 +126 + 126 = 375. Nigel Benn dons the glove next and punches 137 + 136 + 131 = 404. Nigel ‘The Dark Destroyer’ Benn wins the golden joystick.

NIGEL AND BARRY

Even with the live episode going on, there’s still time for some pre-recorded help from the GamesMaster. Exhaust Heat (SNES), The Addams Family (Mega Drive) and Black Hole Assault (Mega Drive) get some attention. So it’s onto the final challenge of this special live episode and Dexter promises something ‘mega’ (his word). GamesMaster choses Street Fighter II Turbo (Mega Drive) and six people are picked out from the crowd. No idea what their names are as Dexter rushes through them before they run out of time for the show, can’t edit live TV can you?. Anyway, the six have to do battle against each other as Ryu vs Ken in this ‘mini-one round, winner stays on tournament-thing’. It’s all rather hectic as it is live and they have to reset the game after every round and reselect the characters for each fight (no idea why they didn’t just set it up for more then one round and swap players after each one). Watching the stage-hands desperately scramble around to get the game set up after every fight, all while Dexter does his best at filling the gap with pointless spiel is quite hilarious. Anyway, one of the challengers wins two rounds and is the winner who stays on… no idea if he won a golden joystick or not because they run out of time and have to end the show before the challenge ends. Live TV eh?

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Eleven

After the chaos of the previous live episode, it’s back to ‘normal’ and GamesMaster picks Puggsy (Mega Drive) for the first challenge. Two members of the audience are dragged out to take on this special GamesMaster exclusive level to light a giant candle. Kelly and Jim are the pair to take this on and it is fastest to finish the level wins. The thing is, Dexter says how this is an exclusive level designed for GamesMaster and no one has ever seen it before, Kelly is the first of the two to play… and yet she knows exactly where to go and what to do? Anyway, Kelly (who supposedly had never played this level) makes great progress solving the puzzles and getting the candle lit before heading for the exit. Aside from a few minor mistakes, she finishes the level in 1.26. Jim, next on the controller, blisters through the level and lights the candle in just 57 seconds, well ahead of Kelly… but he just sits there thinking he’s finished when he actually needs to exit the level to end the challenge. The camera cuts to Jim after a while and you can clearly see him mouth ‘shit!’ releasing his mistake, he makes a dash for the exit and even with his faux pas, he still finishes in 1.16, and goes through to the final. 

Aero the Acro-Bat (SNES) gets 86%. Lethal Enforcers (Mega CD) is shot down with a 63%. Then Skyblazer (SNES) scores a 75% in the reviews. Feature time and we get to take a look at a new PC file idea called ‘Saving and Recognition’, which would allow you to play multiple games at once. The idea being that you could have more than one game installed on your PC and flick between each game at will… kind of like what we can do now on modern consoles with digitally installed software. Dexter then ponders on seeing Mario and Sonic in a game together, as if that would ever happen. So then, it’s onto the celebrity challenge and nineties TV babe, Dani Behr is the lass for this one. Monkey Mole Panic (Arcade) is GamesMaster’s game of choice, think and updated and digital version of the classic Whac-A-Mole. Dani goes up against James and it’s the person to score the most points who wins. James goes first and bashes a fair amount of moles, even gets a few bonuses along the way. He manages to finish with a score of 1920, a pretty poor attempt and certainly very beatable. Dani goes for it and at the halfway point, already amasses a score of 1620, only 300 short of James’, still plenty of moles to whack too, Dani can’t lose. Finishing with a whopping 4280 points, Dani spanks James to win the golden joystick, as if being spanked by Dani Behr is a bad thing.

DANI MOLE

More games are in need of help next. Morph (Amiga), Rock n’ Roll Racing, (SNES) and Wolfchild (Master System) are all covered by GamesMaster. Then it’s the final challenge and Jim is back to play Batman Returns (Mega CD). GamesMaster has Jim playing the driving stage and he has to defeat the end of level boss. Now, Jim can just drive as fast as possible and avoid all the enemies as they are not important to this challenge, he just has to get to the end… but he choses to try and take out everyone he sees instead, wasting valuable time. Still, Jim does manage to get to the finial boss and take him out to win the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Twelve

One of the most annoying and pretentious 16-bit platformers ever is the first challenge, as Bubsy in: Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind (Mega Drive) is the game of choice. Given 1 minute or 1 life to collect as many yarn balls as possible are James and Ian. James wastes little time in finding secret areas to help bump up his total. Unfortunately, he takes a hit and dies before the minute is up, but he did grab 66 yarn balls before he met his demise. Ian follows pretty much the same route as James and soon has himself 66 balls and with 10 seconds still on the clock too. No problem here as he grabs two more, taking his total to 69 (dude) and Ian goes through to the final.

BUBSY

Massively underrated platformer, Plok (SNES) scores a criminally low 69%. The Lawnmower Man (SNES) gets a stupidly high 86%. Seriously, Plok gets 69% but The Lawnmower Man is given 86%? Anyway, the game that started it all, FIFA International Soccer (Mega Drive) scores 95% in the reviews. An update on the previously mentioned ‘GamesMaster All Formats Team Videogames Championship’ is the feature and out of over 4000 applicants and via various gaming challenges, they have been whittled down to a small teams and will battle it out later in the series. Oh and one of the teams is headed up by some cocky, young unknown kid called Simon Amstell…

SIMON AMSTEL

So it is, of course, celeb challenge once more and cricket star, Liam (son of Ian) Botham takes on Matthew. The game is Graham Gooch World Class Cricket (Amiga), given only six balls each, whoever scores the most runs wins. Liam playing as Australia bowls first while Matthew as England bats. There are a few nice hits by Matthew, but Liam is all over him with his fielding and after the six balls, Matthew manages a beatable eight runs. They swap over and now it’s Liam’s turn to bat. Going down to the last ball and Liam has seven runs, needing two more to win, he hits it short and chances a run, but is out as the bails fall thanks to some quick thinking fielding. Matthew wins the golden joystick.

Time for more gaming help from the big man. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive), Battletoads & Double Dragon – The Ultimate Team (NES) and ClayFighter (SNES) get the GamesMaster treatment. Ian returns from the start of the show, hoping to get his hands on a golden joystick. His challenge is on the awesome Jungle Strike (Mega Drive) and Ian has to protect and escort the POTUS to the White House and only one life too. Ian uses the ‘ole noodle and goes ahead of the motorcade to take out the bad guys before they can do any damage. He has no problem in getting the POTUS to his lovely house making the challenge look way too easy and wins the golden joystick with little effort.

Golden joysticks won – 2


That’s the halfway point, continuing series three in the next part and things get changed up again, format wise once more. Now before anyone mentions… twenty-six episodes in this series and episode twelve isn’t halfway, there is a reason for that…

Total golden joysticks won – 18

GamesMaster: A Retrospective – Series 2, Part 2

Yes I’m back, as it’s time for part 2 of series 2 of my GamesMaster retrospective (part 1 is right here in case you missed it). No need for a long intro here, you know what the score by now. So let’s get into it.

Episode 14

Following on from the previous Christmas episode is this New Year’s special which aired on the 31st of December, 1992. Dominick makes his entrance, not in his iconic red blazer but… well…

Dominick Diamond Dame

Dressing as a panto dame, even Auntie Marisha got dressed up for the occasion…

Auntie M Horse

But enough panto themed tomfoolery, shenanigans and New Year merriment, it’s the first challenge. David Finch takes on space shooter To the Earth (NES) where he has to try and reach Uranus. But this is no ordinary challenge as poor David has to use the helmet-like, voice controlled Konami LaserScope, I say poor David because the Konami LaserScope was an utterly useless piece of hardware that just didn’t work properly. Uranus + a helmet controller + Dominik Diamond = double entendre nirvana. Anyway, so David fails the challenge spectacularly because the Konami LaserScope was shit.

The final reviews of 1992 are all flight sims. Tornado (PC, Amiga, & Atari ST) earns a 91%. Harrier (PC) lands 87%. Air Warrior (PC, Amiga, Atari ST, & Macintosh) nabs a 91%. No feature this episode, but a quick mention of how to join the GamesMaster club is thrown in. The joystick waggling, Olympic games themed Quest for Gold (Amiga) is the title of choice here for the celebrity challenge. Taking on the 100m sprint are two of the all time athletic greats, Colin Jackson and Linford Christie. But they are not taking on this challenge alone as Dominik calls in Carl Lewis to also give the game a bash… not THE Carl Lewis but just a spectator with the same name. Each of the challengers takes it in turns to get the fastest time in the 100m, sprint. Carl goes first and finishes the race in 14.3 seconds, Colin is up next and gets a very impressive 12 seconds dead, then Linford manages a 12.05 seconds. Colin Jackson takes home the gold…en joystick.

Yes it’s GamesMaster hints & tips time. The Addams Family (SNES), Dalek Attack (Amiga)… a Doctor Who based game is asked for help with by none other than an actual Dalek! Then finally, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan (Game Boy) get some much needed assistance. Then it’s final challenge time and Streets of Rage 2 (Mega Drive) is the game of choice. Sega European Champion, Rezo Abdolali (wait, earlier in this series, they said that Danny Curley was Sega European Champion, he had several challenges remember?) takes on the Sega British Champ (and I thought Britain was part of Europe then… this whole challenge makes no sense), Karl Roberts. With Rezo playing as Axel while Karl chooses Blaze, they take each other on at a best of three round bout in a one on one fight. The first round is quite a tight one, considering that Rezo dominates for most of it, Karl does manage to make a comeback, but unfortunately, the timer runs out and Rezo wins… but only just. Karl takes the second round with relative ease, making it one round a piece. So onto the final round and Karl grabs himself a sword which should give him an advantage, but he wastes the weapon and Rezo unleashes an impressive flurry of punches and wins the final round. Rezo wins the golden joystick. Sadly, there’s no Auntie Marisha food to enjoy this time because she got drunk on cherry brandy at the New Year’s Eve party.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 15

Getting the first episode of a new year underway is the GamesMaster. Taz-Mania (Mega Drive) is the game of choice here and Nick Capoor is given just 2 minutes to beat the badlands level of the game, including taking out the end of level boss. Nick makes his way though the level with no major issues and reaches the boss, but with only 20 seconds to spare. After taking a hit and being run over by the car-boss, Nick looks like he’s going  to lose this one… but with barely 7 seconds left, he manages to land some well timed jumps and takes out the boss, winning the golden joystick.

It’s Sci-Fi games under the review spotlight this episode… I didn’t even know Sci-Fi was a genre of games? Still, WarpSpeed (SNES) gets 57%. Frontier: Elite 2 (PC & Amiga) scores an 87%. Eye of the Storm (PC & Amiga) is given 84%. No feature again this time. Super Kick Off (SNES) is the celebrity challenge as (then) Arsenal and England striker Ian Wright takes on Tammy Edmeat at a game of footie. The first half is pretty redundant as neither scores, and the same can be said about the second half too. Neither Ian or Tammy took a single shot the whole match, which means penalties. Ian misses his second penalty and Tammy takes a 1 goal lead, the shots continue to the end with each player allowed 5 penalties, but with Ian missing his second, Tammy goes on to win 5-4.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES) is given some help. Then when a second person seeks the GamesMaster’s help, he turns them away because he didn’t like their haircut…. brutal. Kid Chameleon (Mega Drive) and Smash TV (SNES) also get some love. A spot of racing is up for the final challenge and Nigel Mansell’s World Championship Racing (Amiga) is the game. Clive Borden and Richard Walkling take it in turns to put in the fastest lap on GamesMaster’s choice of circuit, Circuit Gilles Villeneuve. Up first is Clive who gets a time of 01:10.70 for his lap. Richard struggles a tad and only gets a lap-time of 01:18.24. Clive wins the golden joystick. Auntie Marisha tempts Dominic with some Halibut lightly tossed in Brine.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 16

Terminator 2: The Arcade Game (Mega Drive) is the first challenge and Simon Bland gets to ‘skip to the end’ and has to take out the T-1000 in the game’s final level. Of course GamesMaster makes things a little trickier by only giving Simon the classic 1 minute and 30 seconds to complete this task. Full of confidence, Simon grabs hold of the Menacer, the light-gun peripheral for the Mega Drive and sets about blasting the mimetic poly-alloy robot from the future. This challenge proves no problemo for Simon as he takes out the T-1000 with ease to win the golden joystick.

T2 Challenge

Now it’s time to look at heroic games. Okay, so after the previous ‘Sci-Fi genre’, it’s clear whoever was coming up with the names for the themes of the reviews was running out of ideas… heroic games? Anyway, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Mega Drive) gets 68%. Pirates! (NES) earns a well deserved 91%. Then Super Star Wars (SNES) scores 87%. The feature takes a genuinely interesting look at the making of the first ever UK SNES TV commercial. Then a quick mention of how to get hold of a GamesMaster fact sheet. Celebrity challenge time again and Gallagher’s Gallery (Arcade), a bizarre light-gun game featuring American ‘comedian’ Gallagher is the game. Taking on this challenge are Mark Wingett and Huw Higginson, two actors from then popular TV series The Bill. The two pretend coppers have to shoot as many objects as they can in a shop, the more objects shoot, the more score they get. Playing alongside each other, Mark scores 1,900 points while Huw only manages a mere 850 points. Mark Wingett wins the golden joystick.

Super Mario World (SNES), Blazing Skies (SNES) and Pushover (Amiga) get some much needed help from GamesMaster. The final challenge brings with it something a little different-ish. Earlier in the series, Sega European Champion Danny Curley took on challenges from the audience and now it’s the turn of the Nintendo British Champion, Thomas Patterson to do the same. Playing NCAA Basketball (SNES), Thomas is challenged by a spectator pulled from the audience, Mike Bedford. It’s a fairly close game, but Thomas Patterson manages to win 10-8. Just as with Danny Curley earlier in the series, despite winning, Thomas is not given a golden joystick due to being a recognised gaming champion… but he’ll be back for more challenges. Auntie Marisha serves up some Coquilles Saint-Jacques with Bean Sprouts.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 17

Road Rash 2 (Mega Drive) kicks off this episode as Marlon Rose (with the word GamesMaster shaved into the back of his head) has to come first on the Hawaii track of the game. Marlon gets off to a cracking start as he makes his way through the pack and soon finds himself in 3rd place… for a while before he slams into an oncoming car and drops to 6th place. Not one to give up, Marlon gets back on his bike and gets into 2nd place, but he gets some hassle from the police. A few well timed punches to the face puts the copper in his place. Battling for 1st place, Marlon crashes into a road sign and rejoins the race in 5th but soon smashes into another car, leaving his bike’s health bar dangerously low. Another crash into a car makes his bike explode and Marlon fails.

It’s cult games for review this time around as The Blues Brothers (SNES) earns 51%. Doctor Who: Dalek Attack (Amiga) gets 73%. Star Wars (Game Boy) is given 80%. The feature takes a look at three home computers, the Atari Falcon, Acorn A3010, and the Amiga A1200 as the dawn of the 32-bit era begins. Singer Cathy Dennis is the celebrity here and she takes on Global Gladiators (Mega Drive). Cathy has 2 minutes to finish the first level of the game. Cathy takes several hits and her health bar gets very low, but that’s the least of her worries as she misjudges a jump and falls to her death, failing the challenge.

Krusty’s Super Fun House (SNES) gets some help before a rather rude oik demands a tip for The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES) but doesn’t say please. This just pisses GamesMaster off and he refuses to help, got to respect the GamesMaster if you want his assistance. U.N. Squadron (SNES) get a helpful hint, and then that rude oik from before comes back and says please to get the guidance he needs. And so the Thomas Patterson SNES challenges continue. Audience member Keith Pentlin throws down the gauntlet on Super Soccer (SNES). Thomas playing as Germany takes on Keith as Holland and they kick a football around a pitch for a while. Keith gets the first goal of the match, but Thomas quickly puts away an equaliser making it 1-1. Just seconds before the end of the first half, Thomas tucks another away making it 2-1 to the Nintendo British Champion. The second half doesn’t deliver any more goals so Thomas wins. Crab’s Pinchers with Cheesy Nibbles is Auntie Marisha delicacy this episode.

Golden joysticks won – 0

Episode 18

GamesMaster sets up the first challenge on Alien 3 (Mega Drive). With just 2 minutes, Shango Stableton (yes, that’s his name) has to free all eight hostages and finish the first level. Within the first 4 seconds, Shango gets hit by a xenomorph, but he manages to regroup and saves four hostages pretty sharpish. The time ticks away as he makes he way through the level rescuing the captives. With just 20 seconds on the clock, there are still two more hostages to find and it’s looking very unlikely Shango will win this one. More xenomorphs get in the way and with only 9 seconds left, he finds the last two hostages… but still has to exit the level. Shango makes it with only 2 seconds to spare in this very close challenge and he takes home the golden joystick.

Shoot ’em Ups (an actual gaming genre) get reviewed this time. Xenon 2: Megablast (Game Boy) is given 68%. Axelay (SNES) is awarded 87%. Probotector 2: Return of the Evil Forces (NES) gets 80%. No feature this time so straight into the celebrity challenge. Beat ’em Up World Heroes (Neo Geo) is the game here and Chris Brody takes on his own sister…  weather girl turned TV presenter Ulrika (ka-ka-ka) Jonsson. Chris takes the first round with ease but Ulrika wins the second making it one round each. The third and final round goes to Chris and he wins the golden joystick.

Ulrika J

More hints & tips from the G-man and up first is Super Mario World (SNES). Then someone asks for an unlimited lives cheat on Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive) and GamesMaster has to admit he can’t help as there is no such cheat, the first time he has not be able to meet a request… though not really GamesMaster’s fault. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES) is the last game to get some help this time around. Then back is Thomas Patterson who is challenged to a game on Pilotwings (SNES) by Scott Naylor. Choosing the hang-gliding stage, each player takes it in turn to score the most points. Scott goes first and it looks like he messes up pretty badly… but does he? Taking a rather unorthodox route to the lading pad, but still puts in a superb performance to score a very respectable 90/100 points. Thomas takes up the controller and sets about trying to beat that impressive 90 points, Thomas needs an absolutely perfect score here to win. Thomas takes a more traditional route to the landing pad but falls short and misses the pad completely, only scoring an average 60 points. Scott beats the Nintendo British Champion and wins the golden joystick. Dominick teases a 3D special challenge for the next episode before enjoying Auntie Marisha’s Sprat Nibbles in a Spicy Cajun Dip.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 19

Dominic Verson takes on the first challenge on The Magical Quest, starring Mickey Mouse (SNES). GamesMaster gives out his favourite 1 minute and 30 seconds to finish a level and kill the boss. Dominic admits he’s not managed to beat the time limit in practise, so he could fail this one before it’s even begun. Dominic reaches the boss with 50 seconds to spare, plenty of time, but he took a few hits along the way and doesn’t have full health. Taking another hit on the boss fight and with only one hit and 11 seconds left, this is going to be a close one after all. But he does it, with only 1 second remaining, Dominic wins the golden joystick.

And it’s sports games up for review this time. Muhammad Ali Heavyweight Boxing (Mega Drive) gets 57%. Jimmy Connors Pro Tennis Tour (SNES) scores 80%. Front Page Football (PC) is handed 87%.  No feature… again. So it’s celebrity challenge time once more. Puzzle/platformer Sleepwalker (Amiga) is the game and offbeat comedian Vic Reeves is the challenger. This is a special Comic Relief challenge on a specially designed level just for GamesMaster. Vic has a bit of bother from troublesome snake early on and loses a lot of time and it all goes very wrong. Things don’t improve and he fails the challenge, badly via some atrocious game-playing… very poor indeed. GamesMaster rightfully, sends Vic Reeves down to the pit for his dismal performance.

Vic Reeves

Captain Dynamo (Amiga), The Magical Quest, starring Mickey Mouse (SNES) and Double Dragon (Master System) get some much needed help from GamesMaster. Dominik Diamond plucks three spectators from the audience to take part in a special 3D challenge called The Maelstrom 3D Challenge. Specially created just for GamesMaster, players have to fly their spaceship through an asteroid field and dock with the mother-ship. But it’s not only the contestants who get to experience the 3D as viewers at home could don a pair of 3D glasses and watch in three dimensions at home too. Of Garry, Scott & Nitesh, the three challengers chosen by Dominik, Gary goes first. He gets off to a good start, dodging and weaving the asteroids, but takes a few too many hits and his ship explodes. Scott grabs a hold of his joystick next. Doing better then Gary and getting very close to docking and finishing the challenge, he slams into a few space rocks and dies. Nitesh is last, but is he least? Well yes and no, Nitesh gets closer to the mother-ship than either of the other two… but still dies just seconds away from winning. No golden joystick here. Deep-Fried Dogfish is Auntie Marisha’s bountiful feast this time.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode 20

GamesMaster gets things rolling with the first challenge. Richard Sylvester has 2 minutes to finish a level on tricky platformer, Kid Chameleon (Mega Drive). Richard ploughs his way though the level with relative ease, making very few mistakes save a missed jump near the end. But with 7 seconds left on the clock, he wins a golden joystick.

Gods (SNES) receives 84%. Two Tribes: Populous 2 (Mega Drive) is given 84%. Utopia: The Creation of a Nation (SNES) lands a 76% as God games are reviewed. Just quickly, this kid pops up in the reviews a few times through the series. What the fuck is going on with these eyes? Seriously, this kid has been scaring me for quite a few episodes now…

Scary Eyes

Still no feature (again), so straight into the celebrity challenge. Host of classic show The Krypton Factor, Gordon Burns takes on Blastris (SNES). A variation of the classic game Tetris but using that Super Scope light-gun thing for the SNES that no one liked. Gordon has to clear five lines, oh and he’s playing on the hardest setting too. After a few unfortunate block drops, Gordon begins to get into a rhythm and clears three of the five lines required to win. The screen begins to fill up and it’s looking very rough, but a couple of very lucky block drops means Gordon scores another line, needing only one more… but he doesn’t get one more line. A cheeky and very lucky long block slides down the screen at just the right time in just the right place, clearing four more lines, meaning Gordon actually scored eight lines when he only needed five. Tip-top, even if a tad lucky bit of gaming to win the golden joystick.

GamesMaster is back to deliver some of his much needed help. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES) get some help… have you noticed ho many times this game has been requested so far this series? Anyway, Auntie Marisha also pops up to ask GamesMaster for help with her soggy flan, which he gladly offers and even throws in a bit of flirting too. One of the unfortunates from last episode returns for more help with The Magical Quest, starring Mickey Mouse (SNES). Then onto the final challenge, a bit of a two on one affair as brothers, Thomas & Christoper Celestine take on Victor Ebubedike at (American) Football Frenzy (Neo Geo). The first to get 10 points wins. With a touchdown in American football equating to 6 points, Victor scores the first making it 6-0. But the Celestine brothers soon fight back and not only score a touchdown, but also score an extra 2 points, so it’s 8-6 to the brothers. But Victor Ebubedike isn’t one to give up as he carves his way back up the field to score another touchdown and takes the score to 12-8, winning the challenge and the golden joystick. Auntie Marisha serves up some rather questionable Boiled Tadpoles in a Basket.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 21

To kick things off this time around, Dominik plucks out random spectator, Helen Williams. Her game is the fun and overlooked puzzler, Bill’s Tomato Game (Amiga) and she is given a very unforgiving 1 minute to complete a level. Making a few test runs, Helen splats her tomato over and over… but this is the very nature of this game, it’s all about trial and error. You try, die, tweak your strategy and try, try again. She almost has it after a bit more tweaking, but with just 4 seconds left, her tomato gets splatted once more. Helen only has one last shot at this and those 4 seconds can’t be enough… but she does it, with less than 1 second left, Helen wins the golden joystick.

It’s review time again as classic games get a drubbing. Track & Field (Game Boy) scores a 57%. Dropzone (NES) gets a very decent 87%. Paperboy 2 (Mega Drive) is spanked with a 32%. Yes, a feature… at last and this one takes a gander at three new to the market controllers. The arcade fighting stick Topfighter (SNES), the flight sim stick Free Flight (PC) and the very bizarre motion controller stuck to a hat Free Spirit (PC) all get looked at. As is the tradition, it’s celebrity challenge time. Side scrolling shooter, Contra 3: The Alien Wars (SNES) is the game here and it’s boy-band East 17 who are taking this one on. The challenge is that the lads have to finish the first level of the game, if a life is lost, the controller gets passed to the next member of the band, up to four lives. Four members of the band, four lives, so only one life a piece. It’s a bit of a mixed bag of a performance as the first two lives (Tony and Brian) are lost pretty quickly within seconds of each other and things don’t look good. But the third life (John) fares better… for a while… until death. With only one more life left, it’s all up to the last member of the band (Terry) to finish the level. To be honest, he does a fine job, far better than the others… but slips off a platform and dies. Challenge failed, but at least none of them ran themselves over with their own car after eating too many jacket potatoes… yet. Still, Auntie Marisha deliverers a trolley full of cakes for the boys.

Of course it’s hints & tips time once more. Pushover (Amiga) and Pinball Fantasies (Amiga) get some assistance. Only two tips this time.. but GamesMaster does get a visit from a chicken… because? So it’s final challenge time as Evander “Real Deal” Holyfield’s Boxing (Mega Drive) is chosen for a round of fisticuffs.

Boxing Challenge

Taking on this one are the brother and sister siblings, Craig and Kirsty Munro. It’s a fairly even fight as brother and sister seem to be equally matched. But Kirsty manages to knock Craig down, he recovers… just about, but only long enough to be put back down again. This time, down for the count as Kirsty ‘wins’. Now, I have a bit more to say about this particular challenge later in another article, but for now, Kirsty takes the golden joystick. Auntie Marisha cooks up a finger buffet of Quayle’s Nipples for supper.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 22

Tricky but utterly charming puzzler Lemmings 2: The Tribes (Amiga) is the first challenge. Gavin Handsford is given 2 minutes to save all 50 lemmings in a specially designed GamesMaster level. He can’t afford to lose a single lemming here. Using some very clever tactics, Gavin destroys this challenge without breaking into a sweat and wins the golden joystick with ease.

It’s beat em’ ups up for review this time as Dirty Larry: Renegade Cop (Lynx) is slapped with a 46%. Best of the Best: Championship Karate (SNES) scores 73%. Sonic Blast Man (SNES) is given 76%. The feature this time tries to quell the myth that games are just for kids, as a trio of older ladies are sent to an arcade to play some games. It’s a very tongue in cheek feature but the ladies certainly enjoyed themselves. Famed improv comedienne Josie Lawrence is the celebrity taking on the next challenge. GamesMaster selects the light-gun game Mad Dog McCree 2: The Lost Gold (Arcade) and Josie (who’s never played a video game in her life) is given three lives to try to win a shootout against some dirty Banditos and rescue hostages over two stages. Losing a life very early on, Josie’s chances are looking slim, she does fair better better on her second life and even manages to save a hostage by clearing the first stage. Then on the second stage, Josie shoots her way to victory and wins the golden joystick.

Josie Lawrence

GamesMaster offers his assistance once more. Super Star Wars (SNES), Pinball Fantasises (Amiga) and European Club Soccer (Mega Drive) are all helped. The last challenge is the start of a special Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive) magazine challenge. Dave Goodyear (Mega Drive Advanced Gaming) takes on Paul Davis (Mean Machines Sega) in a race to finish act 1 of the Emerald Hill Zone stage of the game. Going first is Paul who misses a few spring jumps and finishes in 56 seconds. Up next is Dave who takes a different route, finds the speed boots and blisters through the level with a time of 30 seconds. As this is a tournament style challenge, no golden joystick is given until the winner of the final. Auntie Marisha cooks up some Halibut lightly tossed in Brine… again, she served that in episode 15 too.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 23

Captain Dynamo (Amiga) is the first challenge and it’s Emily Taylor taking this one on. With only 1 minute and 30 seconds to finish a level of this platform game without losing a life. There are a few tricky-dicky moments, but Emily handles them very well indeed. A section with some spinning blades makes her lose some valuable time, but even so, Emily gets to the end of the level with 3 seconds to spare. Golden joystick won.

Just the one review this time as the exceptional Star Fox (SNES) gets a very worthy 94% in this exclusive first TV review of the game. Feature time and the CD-ROM format is explained and looked at. Aston Villa striker, Tony Daley takes on Ben McCluskey at Striker (SNES) in a game of soccer. With Tony playing as England while Ben favours Italy. Tony tucks away an early goal, and another making it 2-0 at the end of the first half. The second half doesn’t fare much better for Ben as Tony puts away two more early goals… followed by another. A complete whitewash as Tony destroys Ben 5-0 to win the golden joystick.

More unfortunates seek out GamesMaster’s help. Populous (Mega Drive) gets some love. Then someone asks for help on Streets of Rage 2 (Mega Drive), but the (lack of) manners for the question offends GamesMaster and he refuses to help. Then the often requested The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES) also gets some help. The next round of the Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive) magazine challenge is next. Paul Mellorick (MEGA) takes on Dean Mortlock (Sega Power) in a race to finish act 1 of the Chemical Plant Zone on the game. Dean goes first and struggles with a time of 1 minute. Paul smashes the challenge with a time of 48 seconds to win and move onto the final. Bouillabaisse is Auntie Marisha’s delicacy this time around.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 24

The first challenge is on the all time classic Super Mario World (SNES). GamesMaster gives a very tight 1 minute and 15 seconds to finish the Chocolate Island 3 level. It’s Aaron Hill who takes this one on. Aaron gets off to a flying start and makes short work of the first half of the level. But just inches away from the end, he slams face first into a flying Koopa Troopa and falls to his death, failing the challenge and he’s banished to the pit.

It’s evolution games (seriously, who came up with the names for the review themes?) up for review now. The Lost Vikings (SNES) gets 80%. Mega Lo Mania (Mega Drive) lands a very nice 87%. Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja (Game Boy) is given 65%. This feature is a profile/interview on Sega European Champion Danny Curley. Celebrity challenge time and it’s the javelin throw on Summer Challenge (Amiga). Simon goes up against (then) javelin world record holder, Steve Backley. Simon goes first and chucks an impressive 90.72m. Steve struggles with an 87.12m throw. Simon wins the golden joystick.

Super Mario World (SNES), Final Fight (SNES) and Wonder Boy in Monster World (Mega Drive) are all helped thanks to GamesMaster. Then it’s the grand final of the Sonic the Hedgehog 2 magazine challenge. Paul Mellorick takes on Dave Goodyear in this special head to head, collect as many rings as you can, best of three rounds challenge. With Paul playing as Sonic and Dave as Tails. Paul takes the first round, but Dave wins the second, making it one round a piece. It’s onto the final, deciding round and it’s a close fight too, but Dave wins by just 2 rings to take home the golden joystick. Auntie Marisha serves up some Jellied Eels with Lychee Dumplings.

Sonic Challenge

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 25

Jamie Spencer takes on action/platformer ActRaiser (SNES) in the first of GamesMaster’s challenges. He’s given just 1 minute and 30 seconds to finish the first level and defeat the boss. Jamie takes a few hits early on, but makes it to the end of level boss with 40 seconds left. With some well timed and careful hits, he could do this… but Jamie wastes too much time faffing about and runs out of time. Fail!

Eliminator Boat Duel (NES) scores 80%. Micro Machines (Mega Drive) is given 87% and Dirty Racing (Game Boy) scores a 54% as racing games get reviewed. No real feature this time, but the winner (and runner ups) of the previously mentioned GamesMaster Design a Game competition is announced. The winner was Brian Bell & Ashley Cunningham’s game, Charlie Chimp. Which was actually made and released for the Amiga in 1993. Yup it’s the challenge of the celebrity time again and Arm Champs 2 (Arcade) is the game here. This one is a three way fight as the professional British arm wrestling trio of Rod ‘Rambo’ Lanette, Robert ‘Bad News’ Browne, & Tony ‘The Lunatic’ Durey. They have to test their strength against the arcade machine. However, all three actually demolish the machine as their efforts are ‘too string to measure’ and all three score a ???.?kg. Meaning all three win a golden joystick by default.

GamesMaster is back to share his wisdom as Goblins 3 (Amiga), The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES)… again and The Addams Family (SNES) have their secrets revealed. Its the final challenge of this episode…and actually a second celebrity one too. Olympic gold medal winner, Duncan Goodhew takes on a comical diving challenge on Fiendish Freddy’s Big Top O’Fun (Amiga). Duncan has to high-dive into increasingly smaller containers. He takes care of the first two dives with style and some form of grace, but misses the third and final target to fail the challenge. Despite the loss, Auntie Marisha does give Duncan a nice cake before serving up the rather normal sounding Goujon of Cod for Dominik.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 26

That’s it, I’m on the home straight as this second series of GamesMaster comes to an end… and what an end too. But before I get to that, it’s the first challenge. David Nulan has to beat the forest stage on Shadow of the Beast 3 (Amiga) in 1 minute and 30 seconds. The challenge is no problem for David as he wins with 7 seconds left and happily gets hold of a golden joystick.

It’s review time again as RPGs get looked at. Dungeon Master (SNES) scores 68%. Final Fantasy II (SNES) gets a 61%. Cyberspace (PC) is given a very high 91%… though as far as I can tell, the game never existed, I can’t find any info on this game at all other than the review in this episode. Look, it’s right there…

CyberSpace review

Anyway, a couple of previews for Uridium 2 and Goal! (Amiga) follow before a feature that takes a look at the making of Michael Jordan In Flight (PC). The final celebrity challenge of the series brings together British ice hockey star Kevin Conway and British field hockey star Sean Kerly to take each other on at NHLPA Hockey ’93 (Mega Drive). Kevin puts away a goal and despite putting up a good fight, Sean can’t seem to score. It’s a 1-0 victory to Kevin Conway as he wins a golden joystick.

For the last time this series, it’s hints & tips time again. The NewZealand Story (Mega Drive) and Goblins 2 (Amiga) are the last two games to get help this series. Mortal Kombat (Arcade) is the very last challenge as Jim McGuyver playing as Sub-Zero takes on Andy Thomas as Raiden. The first round is a close one, but Andy wins. But Jim takes the next round with ease. With one round each, is the final round of the final challenge of the final episode of the series. Jim goes on to win the final round (no finishing move) and takes home the golden joystick.

MK Challenge

Dominik prepares himself to feast on Auntie Marisha’s supper serving… but disaster strikes. There’s an explosion as it’s revealed that Auntie Marisha had blown up the kitchen. Dominik makes a run for a lifeboat to save his own skin as the oil rig the series has been taking place on begins to sink. Is this the end of GamesMaster? Well no there’s another 5 series to cover yet…

Golden joysticks won – 3


Overall

First up, the oil rig set is so much better then the gloomy church from series 1. There’s very welcome lack of smoke machines and lasers flying around. The set is also bigger which gives way to a lot more audience… but it can still a little dark at times. Dominik Diamond seems much more conformable this series and his personality really begins to come through much more. His banter with both the contestants and celebs is funny and charming. I think series 2 is where the production team really got to grips with the format and began to excel.

The finale of the oil rig blowing up was the first major addition to the ‘plot’ of the show and we’ll see more of a continuing story as the series goes on.

Dominick Diamond Dame 2

Total golden joysticks won – 28

So, onto series 3… and what a series to cover too. I’m really looking forward to going over this one…

“Welcome to GamesMaster. Much imitated, frequently intermated, inside thigh agitated.”

–  Dominik Diamond

GamesMaster: A Retrospective – Series 2, Part 1

Well, after a lot of research and re-watching GamesMaster, I have finally managed to complete series 2. Now, series 1 only had 10 episodes, but the episode count was upped to 26 for this series (and others after this)… so as I have a lot more to cover, I’ve decided to split this series into 2 parts.

Series 2

Originally airing on the 1st of October, 1992. This series gets of to a very cheeky start. Kicking off with the same opening titles as series 1 and even the beginning moments of an episode, with the same set as series 1 and Dominick Diamond still as he was in the same costume too… but the footage begins to glitch and a message pops up on screen telling the viewer not to adjust their TV set. The opening continues and the glitches get worse and worse as Dominick introduces the first challenge. Eventually, the footage just completely craps out and breaks down. A picture of a heard of sheep with some calming stock music plays until the system ‘reboots’ and series 2 starts proper.

A wire-frame helicopter flies out to an oil-rig, the setting for this series (filmed at the Sunbury Pumphouse, London and also used for the Red Dwarf episode Justice). More (good for the time) CGI builds GamesMaster once more, ready to dish out his challenges and gaming help. Celebrities this time include Vinnie Jones, Vic Reeves, Take That, Ulrika Jonsson and even Jet from Gladiators, who becomes directly connected to the GamesMaster family later.

Dominick Diamond

Then of course Dominik Diamond is back (so are his endless double entendres) and he’s wearing probably in his most iconic look for the entire show, that sharp red blazer attire that anyone who ever watched GamesMaster growing up will instantly recognise. The cloaked monk from series 1 is gone and replaced with a female scuba diver simply known as The Diver. Also introduced to series 2 was a place just called The Pit and whenever a challenger failed… badly, they would be taken to said Pit as punishment. Plus there was the addition of Auntie Marisha who would occasionally appear and serve food to the contestants and Dominic himself, always ending each episode with one of her freshly cooked specials. Despite a few changes and additions to the show, it’s format remained the same. First challenge,  game reviews and feature, celebrity challenge, followed by the GamesMaster tips. Then finishing with the final challenge. So with that out of the way, let’s get into the first episode of series 2.

Episode 1

Straight into the action with the first challenge on all time classic beat ’em up, Street Fighter II (SNES). Henry Coleman Jr. and Peter Deetz have to punch and kick each other until only one remains standing, in a best of 3 rounds bout. Henry chooses to play as sumo supremo Edmond Honda while Peter favours Hadoken throwing Ken Masters. The first round goes to Henry when he Hundred Hand Slaps Peter to a KO, the second round goes to Peter who lands some hefty hits and finishes Henry off with an uppercut. It’s one round each as the fight resumes and Henry takes a pasting from Peter and it looks like he’s going to lose this one without putting up much of a fight… but after a well timed slap-fest and back breaking bear hug, Henry takes E. Honda to victory and wins the first golden joystick of series 2.

The game reviews are brain game themed (whatever that means?). Platforming puzzler, Krusty’s Fun House (Mega Drive) gets an 87%. Troddlers (Amiga) is given a mediocre 46%. Then a preview (and TV first) of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive). Sticking with the tried and tested GamesMaster formula, it’s celebrity challenge time next. Comedian Tony Slattery has to take on Who Shot Johnny Rock? (Arcade). A laserdisc light-gun shooter set in the 1930’s mob era. Tony has to survive a shoot out in a pool hall and one in a casino, kill the bad guys and avoid shooting civilians, you know the drill if you’ve ever played a light-gun game. So Tony gets off to a fairly bad start (he did state he hates games) and loses 2 of his 3 lives in less than a minute. But he soon gets into it and blasts away mobsters with his roscoe, finishing the first level and making it to the casino… but he shoots one of those annoying civilians who needlessly pop up in the middle of a gunfight in these games, losing his last life and fails the challenge.

Tony Slattery

GamesMaster helps out some less fortunate people with his hints & tips for the first time this series. Super Mario World (SNES), Tennis (Game Boy) and Zool (Amiga) all get covered. Then it’s onto the final challenge of the first episode. Dragon’s Lair 2: Time Warp (Arcade) is GamesMaster’s title of choice and Dougie Johns has to make his way through the first level of the game without losing a life. Having to dodge a giant snake, falling rocks and a very angry mother-in-law, Dougie’s lighting fast reactions serve him well for a while until he misses a cue and gets eaten by said giant snake, failing the challenge and ending the first episode. As Dominick goes off to enjoy the Catfish & Almond Bake that Auntie Marisha has made for him.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode 2

No fake title shenanigans this time around as episode 2 gets right into it. The first challenge is on Chuck Rock (Mega Drive). George Denifontos is the challenger who has to finish a whole level, including defeating the end of level Triceratops boss in just 1 minute 45 seconds in this prehistoric platformer. Taking a few hits making his way though the level, some strategic to save time, others not at all intentional, George makes it to the boss with only a little bit of health and time left. With just 1 second on the clock, George takes a hit from the boss which kills him, failing the challenge.

Reviews this week are platformers and include Dragon’s Lair (SNES) which gets 57%. The New Zealand Story (Master System) is awarded 87%. And Hook (SNES) is given 76%. The feature this episode covers music being made using game samples. Then a quick plug for GamesMaster Live follows. This episode’s celebrity challenge sees a return from the last series. Back is the game, Sonic Blast Man (Arcade) from episode 2 of series 1. Back too is that game’s challenger,  Paul Turner who last time beat professionally trained and experienced boxer, Garry Mason. This time, Paul takes on the legendary, the only man to fight Mike Tyson twice, former WBC heavyweight champion, Frank Bruno. Frank demolishes Paul in this test of strength punching challenge to take home the golden joystick.

Of course it’s tips time again as GamesMaster shares his knowledge. Faxanadu (NES), Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge (Amiga) and Fighting Masters (Mega Drive) are given a little help. Yes, next it’s the last challenge. Mother and son, Mavis and Matthew John-Myner both take on Zool (Amiga). The challenge is that whoever can finish a specially designed GamesMaster level the fastest wins. Mother Mavis goes first and finishes the level with a very respectable time of 54 seconds. But Son Matthew manages an impressive 43 seconds and all with having his left arm in plaster after breaking a bone. Auntie Marisha turns up with her homemade Cockles En Croute with Codswallop Dip as this episode ends.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 3

And so, here we go again. The first challenge is on Super Mario World (SNES) where Catherine Allen has to collect 200 coins on Donut Plains 1 and finish the level in 1 minute 15 seconds. Given the fact there are less than 200 coins on the main level and finding secrets is the only way to win this challenge, this is a tough one. Catherine manages to find a nice cache of hidden coins and nabs herself 201, but still needs to finish the level to win and now with only 20 seconds left. She goes for it, dodging enemies and projectiles to get to the end of the level with just 2 seconds left on the clock, taking home that golden joystick.

SMB Challenge

More reviews and they are all RPGs this time around. First up, Drakkhen (SNES) gets an understandable 46%. Darklands (PC) scores a 84%. Then Legends of Valour (PC) lands itself a nice 87%. Controller reviews follow as the Capcom Street Fighter 2 Joystick (SNES), the U-Force (NES), the Logic3 Free Wheel (Home Computers) and various Cheetah Characteristicks (Home Computers) all get looked at. Then another plug for GamesMaster Live. Yes it’s celebrity challenge time again as Vinnie Jones (when he was known for football not acting) takes on Callum Green at Soccer Brawl (Neo Geo), a futuristic soccer game with OTT power-ups and a smidgen of violence. With Vinnie playing as Korea while Callum favours Japan. Vinnie scores a very early goal thanks to a power-shot and follows that up with another goal via a header. Callum puts up a fight as the first half ends with Vinnie winning 2-0. Despite several decent shots, the second half doesn’t bring any more goals and Vinnie Jones wins the challenge and the golden joystick.

GamesMaster does his thing again and offers hints & tips next. Super Mario World (SNES), Rex Nebular and the Cosmic Gender Bender (PC) and The Adventures of Rad Gravity (NES) get some much needed assistance. Then there’s something special for the final challenge. Returning from series 1, episode 9 is Sega European games-playing champ, Danny Curley. This starts what becomes a weekly challenge where Danny takes on open requests to play and try to win any Sega game. This first challenge sees Danny take on John Morrison who is plucked from the audience. The game of choice is Sonic the Hedgehog (Mega Drive) and a speed challenge to finish the Spring Yard Zone Act 2 level in the fastest time. John goes first and finishes the level in 49 seconds. But Danny smashes through the level to finish in 40 seconds and wins the golden joystick… or does he? No golden joystick is given out as Dominick explains that Danny is far too good. But there is another reason why Danny didn’t win the golden joystick, I’m saving that for another article in this retrospective. But as previously mentioned, this all kick-starts a weekly challenge where Danny goes up against audience members at Sega games, so more from him later in the series. This episode ends as Dominick Diamond goes off to enjoy Auntie Marisha’s relatively normal sounding Salmon & Broccoli Quiche.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 4

Well this episode gets off to an interesting start as the much mentioned Auntie Marisha is actually seen for the first time. She appears up on one of the balconies handing out her interesting food to audience members. They’ll be more from Auntie Marisha as the series continues too.

Auntie M

But of course, first up it’s challenge time as always. Fire & Ice (Amiga) is GamesMaster’s game of choice here and taking up the challenge is Coolwinder Rye (which I think could be a great porn name). Coolwinder has to finish a level of the game in under 2 minutes, he even brings his own homemade joystick just for the challenge. After only 30 seconds, he loses a life and things begin to look bleak, especially when he soon loses another life leaving him with only one more chance. Then with just 10 seconds left on the clock, he gets taken out by one of the games many enemies and fails.

Beat ’em ups are the games under the spotlight this time around. Street Gangs (AKA  River City Ransom (NES) gets a unbelievable 32%, I mean , it’s one of the most loved and revered games on the NES. Fighting Masters (Mega Drive) scores 65%. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time (SNES) gets a deserved 80%. But still, River City Ransom 32%… seriously? The feature this episode takes an interesting look at the design and programming of System 3’s Putty (Amiga). Yes there’s another plug for GamesMaster Live… I’ll stop mentioning these from now on cos they just keep coming every episode. As is the tradition, it’s celebrity challenge time next. Navy Helicopter Flight Simulator (Amiga) is the game here and Matthew Frary goes up against English rugby union player Rory Underwood. The challenge is to land a helicopter on a carrier and the payers are scored on speed, accuracy and smoothness of the landing. Matthew’s landing scores him a 61% while Rory struggles with a 56% as Matthew Frary takes home the golden joystick.

Super Castlevania IV (SNES), Psycho Fox (Master System) and Prince of Persia (Game Boy) get the GamesMaster tips treatment this time. Then carrying on from the previous episode and Danny Curley is back as he is challenged to a game of Mario Lemieux Hockey (Mega Drive). Taking on Danny is Warren Brasier at a 1 minute 30 second period of ice hockey. It’s a frantic match with Danny scoring and early goal in 15 seconds, but Warren does not give up and manages to put a goal away himself with 22 seconds of the match left. The challenge ends in a 1-1 draw, though Danny does put another away after the time is up, it doesn’t count. This marks the first ever GamesMaster draw and seeing as Danny Curley technically didn’t lose, he still remains undefeated. Sprat Thermador with Rice Pilaf is Auntie Marisha’s meal for this episode.

Hockey challnge

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode 5

It’s the brother and sister duo of Michael and Emily Gleeve who take up GamesMaster’s challenge on Pilotwings (SNES). Being given the sky-diving stage, whoever manages the highest score by falling through five rings and then making a landing wins. Emily makes her anti-game feelings clear when she says that girls have more sense than to waste money on gaming… so I guess she’s not a fan then? Turning this into  not just a battle of siblings, but also one of the sexes too. Emily takes up the challenge first and manages to go through all the rings and even makes a decent landing for 70 points, a good score but certainly beatable. Michael goes through the first three rings with ease… but then balls it up when he misses the final two, leaving him well behind on points and now needing a top-notch-landing for a higher score to beat his sister. Michael goes way past the big points for his landing and manages a mediocre 59 points. The anti-gamer Emily Gleeve wins the golden joystick.

This episode’s reviews are all scary, gory games. First up is Splatterhouse Part 2 (Mega Drive) which gets an understandable 57%. The Legacy: Realm of Terror (PC) manages a 87%. Then perhaps one of the scariest games ever made, Barbie Game Girl (Game Boy) is awarded 51%. Feature time and some add-on peripherals for the handheld consoles take the spotlight. The Solar Boy for Game Boy, The Master Gear Converter for Game Gear, The Joyplus Handyboy for Game Boy, The TV Tuner for Game Gear and The Workboy for Game Boy get looked at. This episode’s celebrity challenge involves the biggest boy band at the time, Take That. Dyna Blaster (Amiga) is the game here and the five TT lads have to blow each other up until only one remains standing. Gary Barlow blows himself up early on in the game, Howard Donald gets taken out by Robbie Williams, Mark Owen gets caught in a chain explosion and bows out, leaving just Robbie and Jason Orange… until he (Jason) manages to trap himself between one of his own bombs and one of Robbie’s. Dummy sucking, dungaree wearing prick Robbie Williams manages to win the golden joystick.

Robbie Williams

GamesMaster dishes out more of his hints & tips. Thunder Force III (Mega Drive), The Addams Family (SNES) and James Pond II: Codename RoboCod (Mega Drive) are all given that GamesMaster love. Then finally it’s the weekly Curley Challenge where Sega European champ, Danny Curley goes up against Jeff Gallies on basketball game Arch Rivals (Mega Drive). Danny scores and early 3 points, leaving Jeff to play catch up. More tight rim-shots and slam dunks follow as Jeff manages to beat Danny 20-17, ending Danny Curley’s unbeaten run. As Jeff takes home the golden joystick, Dominick enjoys some of Auntie Marisha’s Red Snapper.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 6

The light-gun game Mole Patrol (SNES) is the first challenge and Adam Freeman has to shoot 17 blue moles in 1 minute while avoiding shooting the pink ones. Adam gets of to a flying start and manages to get 10 moles down in 30 seconds, leaving him just 7 more to do at the halfway mark… but then he shoots a pink mole which speeds things up and he loses momentum. The clock ticks away and Adam fails with just 2 moles left to shoot.

Yes it’s review time again and (supposedly) historical simulations are the theme this time. SimCity (SNES) gets 94%. KGB (PC) is given 84%. Just the two reviews this episode as up next is a GamesMaster competition. Using AMOS (Amiga), the game programming software, the competition is for members of the public to submit game ideas and even go on to have the winning game become a real product available in shops. Then WWF superstar, ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan takes on Hayden Croft at WWF Super WrestleMania (SNES). With this celebrity challenge being introduced by ‘The British Bulldog’ Davey Boy Smith instead of GamesMaster himself. With Jim Duggan playing as ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage while Hayden Croft chooses The Undertaker. There are body slams and suplexes a plenty as Hayden manages to win the match via a pin for the 3 count and gets his hands on the golden joystick.

This time it’s Super Mario World (SNES), The Simpsons: Bart vs. the Space Mutants (NES) and Super Tennis (SNES) that all have their secrets revealed via GamesMaster’s tips. The final challenge offers something a bit different as Auntie Marisha herself takes on bitter rival Lettie Edwards at King of the Monsters 2: The Next Thing (Neo Geo) in a best of 3 smack-down. The gargantuan creatures punch, kick and throw each other into buildings as Auntie Marisha wins the first round. But Lettie isn’t the kind of old-gal to take that and she goes on to win the next 2 rounds after giving Auntie Marisha a pasting, poor Auntie M. So Lettie Edwards wins the golden joystick as Dominick goes off to enjoy some of Auntie Marisha’s Winkles in Whale Sputum Sauce, yummy.

Auntie M challenge

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 7

Straight into the action as Tim Cant tests his gaming skills at Myth: History in the Making (Amiga). Tim is given just 1 minute and 30 seconds to finish a level, including defeating the end of level boss, the Hydra. Tim comes prepared with his own, custom made joystick and even manages to give Dominick the giggles by cracking his own double entendres. Making great progress and even decapitating Medusa along the way, Tim makes this challenge look easy. With 45 seconds left, he comes face to face with the Hydra and that golden joystick is very much in sight. Tim takes out one of the heads from the Hydra leaving only 2 left… but then misses a jump to a platform and falls to his death, failing the challenge.

Reviews this week are sport games. Starting out with Speedball 2 (Master System) which rightfully gets a well deserved 91%. George Foreman’s KO Boxing (NES) is given a 54%. Then World Class Leader Board Golf (Mega Drive) lands an 84%, but no feature this time. Two celebrities for the price of one on this episode as Shadow and Jet from the hit TV show Gladiators go up against each other on American Gladiators (Mega Drive). Playing the assault course level of the game, Jet manages to take a bit of a lead early on but soon falls behind at the first obstacle. Shadow begins to pull away and makes easy work of this challenge. Jet is left way, way behind as Shadow breezes to victory and finishes the challenge, winning that golden joystick, while Jet only just starts the second obstacle of the course. Jet may have lost this challenge, but she’ll be back in both GamesMaster and another show I aim to cover later.

Gladiators

GamesMaster is back dishing put his helpful hints once more. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES), Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse (Master System) and Fire & Ice (Amiga) are all given some tips. It’s final challenge time and Tristan Grove takes on Jason Pickford at Super Tennis (SNES) in a best of 5 games match. Jason takes the first and second games with relative ease. Then Tristan takes the third and begins a comeback, quickly followed by winning the forth game making a 2 – 2 draw, with only 1 game left to play. Tristan loses the first 2 points and it looks like Jason will be winning this one, but then Jason has 2 outs making it 30 – 30 in this very tight last game. Tristan manages to score another point, making it now 40 – 30 in his favour and now with match point in hand… but he soon fluffs up and Jason scores a point making it deuce. Jason hits another out giving Tristan the advantage and match point once more. Then after a very nice across the court shot, Tristan scores the point making him the victor and winner of the golden joystick in this (quite honestly) pretty exciting game of tennis. Auntie Marisha serves up some Shark Fin Thermador for Dominick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 8

The Addams Family (SNES) is the first game challenge of this episode. GamesMaster gives Lisa (just Lisa) 2 minutes to collect 50 dollar symbols and finish the level. I’d like to say how Lisa turned in a great effort and ploughed through the level, smashing the challenge… I’d like to say that. Instead, Lisa looses all but one of her energy in only 8 seconds and things begin to look very bleak. She manages to hold on for 18 more seconds and lasts just 26 seconds of her 2 minute time limit before jumping into an enemy and failing the challenge. Lisa is taken away to The Pit for punishment. Very poor indeed and I think, the fastest ever failing of a challenge on GamesMaster so far. But perhaps there was a reason for that…

Gaming version of board games are up for review this time. Scrabble (Home Computers) gets 80%. King’s Table – The Legend of Ragnarok (PC) is given 84%. While Trivial Pursuit (CD-TV) gets 68%. The feature this episode takes a look at the age old (pointless) fight of the console wars. Pitching Sega’s Mega Drive up against Nintendo’s SNES to see which one is best as gaming journalists offer their professional opinions on each machine. Kristian Schmid, some actor from Aussie daytime soap Neighbours, is the celebrity for this episode. GamesMaster gives him the laserdisc, light-gun game Space Pirates (Arcade) and Kristian has to shoot intergalactic bad guys and rescue hostages. Getting off to a great start, Kristian makes his way through the first few sections without missing a bad guy or losing any health, he’s looking like he’ll win this with ease. But he takes too many hits trying to save the hostages at the end and fails.

It’s that time again where GamesMaster throws out morsels of help to those struggling with games. The Immortal (Mega Drive), James Pond II – Codename Robocod (Amiga) and Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge (Amiga) get some assistance. Agony (Amiga) is the final challenge this time. Jack, Angela, & Rashpal are plucked from the audience have to take turns in trying to get through the first level without dying. Going first is Jack who gets a little complacent and dies when he finds himself in a corner of the screen and is hit by an enemy. Next up is Angela who somehow manages to die in the exact same spot, the exact same way as Jack despite the fact she saw what happened before. So finally, it’s up to Rashpal to win a golden joystick. Rashpal does stay alive a little bit longer, he gets past the spot the previous two failed… but he doesn’t last that long and dies soon afterwards. Yeah they all failed the challenge… but all still lasted longer than Lisa did in her challenge. Meaning no golden joysticks at all for the first time ever. So Dominick consoles himself with some of Auntie Marisha’s Gefilte Fish Balls.

Golden joysticks won – 0

Episode 9

This first challenge has a bit of a surprise to it. Playing Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja (SNES) is Wolf Wood. Being tasked by GamesMaster to finish the first level in under 1 minute and 30 seconds. Wolf makes it to the end of the level with 30 seconds to spare, but he than has to defeat the end of level T-Rex. With just 2 seconds left on the clock, Wolf does indeed finish off the pesky prehistoric pest and wins the golden joystick. Now about that surprise, it turns out that Wolf is in fact the boyfriend of Lisa who failed so badly at The Addams Family (SNES) in the previous episode. Wolf winning this challenge not only got him a golden joystick, but he also earned Lisa’s freedom from The Pit… in a not at all scripted challenge. Especially suspicious seeing as the Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja level ends with the hero recusing his girlfriend…

Joe Mac

Anyway, it’s review time again and it’s arcade adventure games this episode. Another World (SNES) is given 76%. Prince of Persia (Master System) earns itself 80%. Flashback (Amiga & Mega Drive) is awarded a very much justified 94%. The episode’s feature looks at the Miracle Piano Teaching System (Various Systems) which teaches you how to play the piano via a blending of gaming and actual piano lessons. Then there’s a phone interview with Paul Reed who claims to have finished the then newly released Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive) on the day of release in the fastest time of 2 hours and 4 minutes while managing to collect all 7 Chaos Emeralds… and on his first attempt too. He then says that he wrapped the game up and gave it to a friend as a Christmas gift. All with no actual evidence… of course you did Paul, of course you did. Then Adam Whisker takes on professional snooker player John Parrott in this episode’s celebrity challenge. Archer MacLean’s Pool (Amiga) is the game of choice here and the man himself, Archer Maclean also provides commentary. Both Adam and John are given 1 minute and 30 seconds to get the highest score by sinking a many balls as they can. Adam goes first and scores 29 points, then it’s John’s turn next and he gets 23 points, he then misses a fairly easy shot that would’ve given him the lead. Adam takes home the golden joystick.

Yes it’s hints & tips time again. Super Mario World (SNES) and Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse (Mega Drive)… that’s it for this episode, just the 2 games helped via GamesMaster’s big tips. Matthew Sleet then takes on his father, Ian Sleet on beat ’em up  Fatal Fury (Neo Geo). Matthew playing as Joe Higashi beats the crap out of Ian playing as Andy Bogard. Neither one of them really seem to know what they were doing outside of some manic button mashing and they do take a round each in the best of 3 bouts fight, but it is Matthew who takes the golden joystick. Auntie Marisha serves up a very tasty sounding King Prawn & Oyster in Black Bean Sauce.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 10

GamesMaster breaks out the classic Super Mario Kart (SNES) for this episode’s first challenge. Peter Walters playing as a Koopa Troopa has to come first in a race on Mario Circuit 1 of Mushroom Cup 100cc. Not the hardest track in the game, but playing it on a harder, 100cc difficulty setting (though 150cc is the hardest). Peter gets off to a shaky start and goes off track more than once during the first lap. By the start of lap 3, he’s got things under control and is in 2nd but struggles to maintain that place. Starting his 5th and final lap, he’s still in 2nd with just 1st place Luigi to beat. Peter wastes a red shell that would mot definitely got him up to 1st if he hadn’t used it on a star protected Luigi and coming up to the last corner, Peter actually takes the number 1 spot, but only for a moment or so as Luigi manages to win with Peter less than half a second behind. Peter fails by literal milliseconds.

Driving games are under review this episode. Test Drive II: The Duel (SNES) is given 61%. Super Off Road (Game Gear) gets 84%. Jeep Jamboree: Off Road Adventure (Game Boy) scores an 84%. No feature this episode, so its straight to the celebrity challenge. GamesMaster has something a bit special up his sleeve for this one in a simple game of Catch the Flag, you know this. Two people, one on each side of a map and the aim is to grab your opponent’s flag and take it back to your base, gain a point for ever flag captured and the most points win. But what makes this one a bit special is the fact it’s played in a then, cutting edge virtual reality machine. These VR units were not like the more streamlined Oculus VR/PlayStation VR units we have today. Oh no, these things were huge pod things the player had to stand inside, 1992 was a wonderful time. And clambering into these David Cronenberg/Seth Brundle/The Fly type pods are Andy Thomson and Aussie soap star Richard Norton. It’s a very close game with both Andy and Richard being evenly matched… however, they’re not interested in capturing the flag in this game of capture the flag and just end up shooting each other instead, which also scores them points. Anyway, in a very rare and never happened before GamesMaster challenge, both of them score 3 points each when Richard gets the final kill in the last second, leading to a draw. That means that 2 golden joysticks are awarded for one challenge in this GamesMaster first.

More hints & tips are abound as GamesMaster does what he does best. QuackShot Starring Donald Duck (Mega Drive), Super Mario Land (Game Boy) and finally, F-Zero (SNES) have their secrets revealed. Of course we end with the final challenge and this one involves a bit of sibling rivalry as the Goddiano, identical triples of Nino, Angelo and Martino take on Pinball Fantasies (Amiga). Playing the Party Land table on this pinball classic, the aim is simple, whoever has the highest score using only one ball wins. Nino beats his brothers with a score of 338,150 over Angelo’s and Martino’s respective 195,630 and 191,880 points. Nino takes the golden joystick. Sadly, no Auntie Marisha’s delicious food this episode as Dominick has to dash off to host GamesMaster Live… at least all the annoying plugging for the event every episode can stop now.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 11

Back from his hosting duties at GamesMaster Live, Dominic Diamond wastes no time getting things started in this episode. The first challenge is on ABC Sports Presents: The Palm Spring Open (CD-I). Paying the game on one of the worst home consoles ever is Aidan Smith who has to finish the first three holes of the back nine on the Jack Nicklaus Resort course without going over par. Hole 1 is a 450 yard, par 4 with a huge bunker and a large body of water to negotiate, Aidan finishes the hole 1 over par. Hole 2 is a 132 yard, par 3, a smaller hole with fewer hazards and a good chance for Aidan to get back under par on… which he doesn’t and goes 1 over par again. Now 2 over par, Aidan needs a pretty much impossible 2 stoke win on the final 135 yard, par 4 hole. Of course he doesn’t do it, his first shot sends him into the trees and makes the impossibility of sinking the ball in 2 shots even more impossible. Aidan fails. Despite playing a game with lots of balls, holes and strokes, Dominick shows great restraint with the double entendres.

This episode’s games for review are all sports titles. John Madden Football ’93 (Mega Drive) scores 87%. David Crane’s Amazing Tennis (SNES) gets 80%. Sensible Soccer, Version 1.1 (Amiga) is given a very worthy 97%. The feature looks at the endlessly mentioned GamesMaster Live event. Then of course, it’s celebrity challenge time again. British Formula 1 ace, Johnny Herbert plays the awesome Lotus 3: The Ultimate Challenge (Amiga). GamesMaster tasks Johnny into finishing a specially designed GamesMaster track in 1 minute and 30 seconds. Getting off to a pretty bad start and bumping into roadside obstacles and losing valuable time, Johnny struggles in the first half of the race. The second half fares much better and he does make up a lot of lost time, but it’s just not enough as he runs out of time seconds away from the finish-line, no golden joystick here. Respect to Dominick for getting in a very cheeky Ayrton Senna jibe at the expense of Johnny, F1 fans would get it.

Lotus

Less fortunate peeps seek out GamesMaster for some help once more. Bart Simpson’s Escape from Camp Deadly (Game Boy), Asterix (Master System) and Another World (SNES) get some much needed attention. The final challenge starts something a bit special. The first round of the GamesMaster: Magazine Challenge where journalists from some of the most popular gaming magazines go up against each other in a knockout style tournament. This first round sees Paul Laken (Game Zone) take on Duncan McDonald (Zero) at the mighty Street Fighter II (SNES). With Paul playing as Dhalsim, while Duncan goes for Chun-Li. Duncan takes the first round with ease, the second round times-out and Paul wins due to having (very slightly) more health. The third and final round goes to Paul, but he doesn’t win a golden joystick as this is a knockout tournament, but he does get through to the next round. As a side note, I just want to say how, for so-called gaming experts who play games for a living, that was some of the worst, most boring Street Fighter II gameplay I’ve ever seen. No finesse, no using the character’s strengths or special moves, just pure button mashing and hope for the best fighting. Anyway, Auntie Marisha serves up some Fillet of Anchovy.

Golden joysticks won – 0

Episode 12

Kelly Sumnar, the managing director of Commodore UK, starts off this episode with a challenge on Humans (Amiga). Being given the classic 1 minute and 30 seconds to guide 5 cavemen to save a baby dinosaur trapped on a platform in this tricky but amusing puzzle game. Each of the cavemen has a special ability and Kelly will have to utilise all 5 of them to get this one done. Despite being the MD of one of the biggest computer companies in the world at the time, Kelly admits to never playing games before… so this one looks like it’s over before it even begins. But he does do it, Kelly manages to get his cavemen to save the baby dinosaur… even if I’m more than a little suspicious seeing as the clock ran out and was on 0 seconds for over a second, yet he still won?

Anyway, of course it’s review time again. Movie tie-ins are the subject this episode. James Bond 007: The Duel (Mega Drive) is given 73%. RoboCop 3 (SNES) has 61% rewarded to it.
Universal Soldier (Game Boy) lands 80%. The feature this episode looks as some bad games. Road Fighter (NES), Altered Beast (Mega Drive), Space Ace (Amiga), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (Amiga) and Goal! (NES) all get mentioned. Then a quick update on the GamesMaster design a game competition using AMOS (Amiga). Todd Carty of Grange Hill and EastEnders fame is this episode’s celebrity and he takes on Jamie Brown at Baseball Stars 2 (Neo Geo). Each player is given a single innings to score as many runs as they can. Jamie steps up to bat first and scores a decent 5 runs. Todd is up next and doesn’t do quite as well, failing to score a single run. Jamie wins 5 – 0 and also gets himself a nice golden joystick to boot.

Super Mario World (SNES), Star Wars (NES) and Dungeon Master (Amiga) are given some relief thanks to GamesMaster. Then the continuation of the GamesMaster: Magazine Challenge errr… continues. Gary Harrod (Mean Machines) takes on Greg Watson (C&VG) at Street Fighter II (SNES). Gary plays as Guile while Greg plumps for the classic Ryu. Gary demolishes Greg in the first round, it’s not even close. The second round it a little closer, but not by much as Greg wins again and gets through to the final of the challenge. As another side note, this fight was much better than the one from the last episode. At least these guys looked like they actually knew how to play. Braised Calamari is what Dominick has to look forward for supper tonight thanks to Auntie Marisha.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 13

Well I’ve made it, I’m halfway though this 26 episode long series 2 and quite nicely, this one is a GamesMaster Christmas special as this episode originally aired on the 24th of December, 1992. I expect lots of Dominick Diamond trademark Christmas themed double entendres here. Keeping with the Yuletide festivities is the first challenge, Santa’s Xmas Caper (Amiga). Paul Tucker is given only 1 life and 1 minute to collect 20 Christmas presents in this platforming game. Despite Paul admitting he doesn’t like platformer games, he makes this challenge look easy and nabs all 20 gifts with 10 seconds on the clock and wins the golden joystick… not even a nice Christmas one tarted up with a bit of tinsel. At least GamesMaster himself made some effort…

GamesMaster

Review time again and given the fact this is a Christmas episode and that the reviews are always themed, can you guess what the theme is this episode? That’s right, helicopter games. Super SWIV (SNES) gets a very nice 87%. Steel Talons (Mega Drive) lands an understandable 57%. Comanche: Maximum Overkill (PC) is awarded a 94%… even Auntie Marisha likes it. The feature takes a look at those cheat code carts, the Datel Pro Action Replay (Amiga & SNES) and the Galoob Game Genie (NES, SNES & Mega Drive). It’s the final celebrity challenge of this first part of series 2 and they only went and landed a genuine legend. Playing Volfied (Amiga), a simple action/puzzle, Qix-like game that requires some quick thinking and reactions. Each challenger is given 1 minute to fill in as much of the screen as they can, whoever fills in the most wins. Oliver Gibson is the mere mortal taking on the quiz show maestro, former James Bond and grandfather of Oliver, Bob Holness. So it’s a grandson v grandfather challenge. Oliver struggles and loses 2 of his lives, but manages to pick up a time stop power-up which freezes all the enemies on screen and scores himself a very reasonable 48.8%. Bob gets off to a much better start, but soon finds himself in trouble and loses all of his lives, only managing a score of 14.7%. Oliver takes home the golden joystick.

Bob Holness

Straight into the hints & tips from GamesMaster once more. Super Soccer (SNES), James Pond 2: Codename: Robocod (Mega Drive) and The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES) all get a extra helping of Christmas cheer. Then it’s the final of the GamesMaster: Magazine Challenge as Gary Harrod (Mean Machines) has to go up against Paul Laken (Game Zone) at Street Fighter II (SNES) once more. Gary plays as Blanka while Paul Laken chooses Zangief. Given the previous rounds of this tournament and witnessing how badly Paul played compared to how well Gary did… I wonder who will win this one? Gary pummels Paul in round 1, winning with a perfect KO. Round 2 also goes to Gary (no surprise), though it’s quite obvious he was just playing with Paul before deciding to finish him off. Gary Harrod wins the golden joystick. Well that wraps up this Christmas episode… with a severe lack of festive games. Dominick leads the audience in a sing-a-long of O Come, All Ye Faithful before enjoying some of Auntie Marisha’s Sausage wrapped in Bacon. Very festive.

Golden joysticks won – 3


 

And so that’s it, halfway through this 26 episode marathon of series 2 of GamesMaster. Still plenty more to cover as this gargantuan retrospective continues. See you in part 2.

Total golden joysticks won – 24

“Let’s say ‘Ho-Ho-Ho’ to the man with the biggest sack of all, the GamesMaster.”

–  Dominik Diamond

GamesMaster: A Retrospective – Series 1

So here we are, at the start of the very, very long retrospective looking back at the greatest gaming TV show ever, GamesMaster. Just before I get into this, you’ll have to excuse the rather average/grainy quality images throughout this whole retrospective. GamesMaster has never been given a home release or a clean up, so I’m having to use old VHS recordings and almost 30 year old footage to get these pics. It’s the best I can do.

Series 1

Originally aired on the 7th of January, 1992, kicking off with a (for the time) very nice CGI opening title of, who I assume, is the GamesMaster himself sitting on a throne. Series 1 was set and filmed in an abandoned church (St Paul’s Church, Dock Street, London). Presented by the foppish and very cheeky Dominik Diamond who wastes no time in tossing off and slipping in as many double entendre and sly sexual references as he can.

Series 1 Dominik

Series 1 consisted of 10 episodes and featured celebrities such as Jimmy White, Annabel Croft, Barry McGuigan, Eric Bristow and others, all trying their gaming skills at some of the newest games on the market.

A mysterious and cloaked monk would bring the golden joysticks to the winners of the challenges in this series and was played by gaming media pioneer Dave Perry, who would become an integral part of GamesMaster and part of one of the show’s most infamous moments… but I’m getting ahead of myself here. First up, every episode from series 1.

Episode 1

Kicking off with the first challenge is Daniel from Edgware, who has to finish the first level of Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES) and collect 50 coins all in just 2 minutes. Despite Daniel messing up and initially missing a pipe housing some hidden coins, he does manage to complete the challenge with 14 seconds to spare, winning the very first GamesMaster golden joystick.

Games reviewed are movie themed, The Terminator (Mega Drive) which scores a 87%. The Addams Family (NES) gets a 63%. And finally, the greatest point n’ click adventure game ever made, Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis which receives a very worthy 93%. Then next up is a feature on customising the Nintendo Game Boy. Moving onto the first celebrity challenge. A game of footie on Manchester United Europe (Amiga) where Simon from Bishop’s Stortford takes on then Wimbledon F.C. and England striker, John Fashanu. Simon playing as Liverpool beats John playing as Manchester 2-0 to take home that golden joystick.

Then it’s the turn of the GamesMaster to deliver his hints & tips on Sonic the Hedgehog (Mega Drive), Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (Amiga) and Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest (NES) with that infamous and annoying whirlwind thing. Episode 1 ends with the final challenge, a shootout on Mad Dog McCree (Arcade), the first ever live action laserdisc game. Tony from North Wales is the man who has to shoot the varmints in this Wild West light-gun game. Tony finishes the challenge with ease to win the golden joystick and ends the first ever episode of GamesMaster.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 2

First up is a challenge on Sonic the Hedgehog (Mega Drive). Being given 2 minutes to collect 150 rings and finish the first level, Alex from Stanmore, decides to show his cocky side. Thinking that 150 rings is too easy, he asks for the challenge to be upped to 160 rings. Seeing as the level only has 163 rings in total, collecting 160 in 2 minutes is no mean feat. Of course he does it because this is Alex Verrey here, who would soon become known to many British gamers as ‘Big Boy Barry’ (more on that later).

Big Boy Barry

Reviews this time are all beat em’ ups. Starting with The First Samurai (Amiga) which gets a very respectable 90%. Pit-Fighter (Amiga) doesn’t do so well getting a 59%, which I think is about 59% too much. Then Double Dragon II (Game Boy) receives 70%. The feature this time looks at gaming peripherals such as the Power Glove, Quickjoy Footpedal and the Sega Action Chair… all utter pants. The celebrity challenge is next and Paul goes up against former British heavyweight boxing champ, Garry Mason at Sonic Blast Man (Arcade). A game where all you have to do is punch a pad as hard as you can to score the hardest hits. Of course the professionally trained and experienced boxer loses (how/why? I don’t know) and Paul wins his golden joystick.

GamesMaster shares his help on games such as Strider (Mega Drive), Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES) and Robocop (NES). Then onto a challenge on one of my all time favourite games, Lemmings (Amiga). Given 2 minutes to save 91% of his lemmings, Robert from Leicester is the guy for the job… oh, he also has to do this on one of the hardest levels in the game and he was only told this 5 minutes before filming began too. After a slightly mistimed exploding lemming, Robert loses a few rodents and only manages to save 87%, Robert is the first non-celeb to fail a GamesMaster challenge.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 3

The first challenge of this episode is on Mega Man 2 (NES), an already tricky game made even harder here, Nick from Muswell Hill has to finish one of the most difficult levels in the game without losing a life and in under 3 minutes, including defeating the end of level boss. But Nick misjudges a tricky jump midway through and plunges to his death, failing the challenge.

Racing games get the review treatment this time around. Starting with Lotus Turbo Challenge 2 (Amiga) which gets a stupidly low 68%. Formula One Grand Prix (Amiga) receives a very deserving 89%. Then OutRun Europa (Master System) is handed a 52%. A sneak peek at a then up and coming movie tie-in game, Dune (PC & Amiga) is next and is highly praised too. The formula continues as next up is the celebrity challenge. Sahid from Mile End takes on former British ladies number 1 Annabel Croft at tennis. Pro Tennis Tour 2 (Amiga) is the game of choice, which Annabel wins, making her the first celeb winner of a GamesMaster golden joystick. But who wouldn’t enjoy getting beaten off by Annabel Croft?

Annabel Croft

More hints & tips follow with Alex Kidd (Master System), Cadaver (Amiga) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) all made a little bit easier. Zoom! (Mega Drive) is the final challenge and to mix things up a bit, three members of the audience are selected to play and finish the first level in 1 minute. Scott, George and Dorla (I think, the sound wasn’t very good) are randomly chosen from the audience… all three of them fail, bringing the end of episode 3.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode 4

Classic beat/bike em’ up, Road Rash (Mega Drive) is the first challenge of this episode. Richard from Dartford is tasked to complete and win a race on the Redwood Forest stage on the game, punching, kicking and riding his way to victory. After smashing into a car at a crossroads, Richard falls behind and only manages to finish second, failing the challenge… might have had something to do with the stupid way he held the controller too.

Reviews this episode are fantasy games. First up is the gorgeous Psygnosis classic, Shadow of the Beast (Mega Drive) which gets an understandable 59%. Then Populous II (Amiga) is given a much more worthy 94% because it’s one of the greatest game sequels ever made. Finally, Kings Quest V (PC) is handed a 62%. The feature looks at SEGA’s marketing ideas for the Mega Drive. Then onto the celebrity challenge. World Champion darts legend, Eric Bristow is given the game Heimdall (Amiga) where he has to throw axes at a tied in place maiden to cut her hair and free her from her captives in 2 minutes… he fails. Also worth noting that this challenge is the first ‘proper’ appearance of Dave Perry as co-commentator not hidden by the monk outfit… and so it begins…

GamesMaster once more shares his wisdom in the form of hints & tips. Folks having trouble with Duck Tales (NES), Altered Beast (Mega Drive) and Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES) all get a helping hand. Then to the final challenge of the episode. Panza Kick Boxing (Amiga) is the game of choice here and siblings, Jason and Lisa have to fight it out. Despite Lisa being knocked down early in round 1, she manages to knock her brother out in round 2 to win the challenge.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode 5

Straight into the action with the first challenge. Duck Tails (NES) is GamesMaster’s game of choice here and it’s Scott from Manchester who has to make his way though and finish the icy Himalayas level in 2.5 minutes. Scott claims to be very confident he’ll beat the challenge with ease… and he does, finishing the level with 39 seconds to spare.

Duck Tails Challenge

Review time once more, this time the games are linked by the word “funk”. ToeJam & Earl (Mega Drive) manages a 70%. Top Banana (Amiga) is given 65%, while Bart Simpson’s Escape from Camp Deadly (Game Boy) gets 89%. Up next is a preview of the then latest Bitmap Brothers game, The Chaos Engine (Amiga). Which shows an early 3-player version, the final release was only 2-player. Then a quick intro to the GamesMaster Golden Goal competition on Kick Off 2 (Amiga), before the obligatory celebrity challenge. Legendary game designer Archer MacLean has to tackle his very own game with Jimmy White’s ‘Whirlwind’ Snooker (Amiga). Archer goes up against Christian from Nottingham while the man himself, Jimmy White offers commentary with Dominick. Each player is given just 90 seconds score as many points as they can only using the coloured balls. Christian scores 31 points but Archer manages 37 points and wins the golden joystick. Then Jimmy White has to pull off a trick-shot designed by Archer MacLean on the game, just for fun, no golden joystick reward here.

It’s tip time again as people seek help from the main man. Spider-Man (Mega Drive), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) and Shadow of the Beast II (Amiga) all get covered. Then onto the final challenge. Neighbours (Amiga) based on the popular Aussie soap is the game of choice and the aim is to race around Ramsay Street against other residents and win. Taking on the challenge is another celeb (I guess?), Ashley Paske who was on the show itself. The game is terrible, but even so, Ashley is extremely bad at it and fails spectacularly.

And with that, we’re halfway through the first series.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 6

After perhaps the most double entendre fuelled intro by Dominick, up to this point anyway, the first challenge tees off. Top Player’s Golf (Neo Geo) is the game of choice as Mark from Ross-on-Wye (with a handicap of 4) takes up this challenge and has to finish the first 3 holes of the course in level par or below. After a couple of rough shots and landing in the bunker, Mark fails the challenge.

Reviews next and futuristic games are the theme this time around. First up is Alien Breed (Amiga) which scores an understandable 70%. Speedball 2: Brutal Deluxe (Mega Drive) earns a very reasonable 85%. Then Wing Commander II (PC) nabs an underwhelming 59%. The feature this time around looks at the overtly expensive Neo Geo console. Yes, it’s the celebrity challenge next as Capital Radio DJs Pat Sharp and Mick Brown take on Ski or Die (Amiga) and have to battle for the best score on the aerial skiing section and pull of impressive tricks. Mick scores a total of 54.5 for his aerial antics, while Pat after some very shoddy jumps, only manages 40.6. Making Mick the winner of the golden joystick.

Time once more for the GamesMaster tips. Gamers having trouble with The Legend of Zelda (NES), Forgotten Worlds (Mega Drive) and Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll (NES) are all given a helping hand. Then, of course, it’s the final challenge of this episode. Isometric puzzler Brat (Amiga) is the game of choice this time. Michael is the man who thinks he can guide the leather jacket wearing toddler to the end of the level. Getting off to a flying start and looking very much like a winner, he manages to make it near to the end of the level, but a slightly misplaced bit of direction causes him to fail.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode 7

It’s a James Pond 2: Codename: Robocod (Amiga) challenge that kicks off this episode. Having to finish the first level in less than 1 minute and amass 50,000 points along the way too are 3 members of the audience. Mark, Julie and Claire all take turns in tackling this challenge. After falling on some spikes… several times, Claire dies and fails early doors. Next up is Mark who doesn’t fair much better, again, falling on spikes… several times before being killed by a snake. Finally, it’s Julie’s turn who also manages to fall on some spikes… several times, yet she does last a little longer than the others before death via snake occurs. No winners on this one.

Time for a few reviews and this time, adventure games are up for scoring. The Immortal (NES) nabs 80%. Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge (PC) earns itself a very deserving 94%. With Heroes of the Lance (Master System) getting 65%. Then it’s time for a preview of Alien 3 (Mega Drive), based on the movie of the same name. Finishing with a feature looking at gaming music soundtracks in a Top of the Pops style countdown… Xenon 2 Megablast (Amiga) is number 1. Celebrity challenge time next and British wrestler, Kendo Nagasaki (real name: Peter Thornley) takes on David from Hertfordshire at WWF WrestleMania Challenge (NES) with the first person to win via a pinfall. David completely destroys Kendo to win the golden joystick.

GamesMaster Moore 2

Hints & tips next as GamesMaster offers his help for The Legend of Zelda (NES), Strider (Mega Drive) and Mega Man (NES). But before I move on, does anyone know why a wire-frame butt-plug always used to float near the GamesMaster’s head during his segments? This episode’s final challenge is on Thunder Force III (Mega Drive) as Jeremy has to finish the underwater level of Seiren on the game’s hardest difficulty setting. Due to a typhoon of bullets, Jeremy fails the challenge spectacularly.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode 8

Strider (Mega Drive) is the game for the first challenge and Chevron from Harrow has to make his way through the first level and finish off the boss in 3 minutes. Some very confident playing, a few minor niggles aside and Chevron destroys this challenge with 45 seconds to spare.

Flight sims are put up for review this time. Birds of Prey (Amiga) lands itself 80%. F-22 Interceptor (Mega Drive) gets 72%. While Knights of the Sky (Amiga) receives a 80%. A preview of ATAC: The Secret War Against Drugs (PC), a flight sim come anti-drug themed shooter is shown. Then onto the celebrity challenge. 1987 Wimbledon champ, Pat Cash takes on his wife, Emily at Baseball Stars Professional (Neo Geo). Simple enough rules, 1 innings each and whoever gets the most runs wins. Pat manages a respectable 5 runs, while Emily a grand total of 0. Pat Cash wins the golden joystick with ease.

The GamesMaster helps out more of the less fortunate with his hints. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (NES), Alex Kid (Master System) and Escape from the Planet of the Robot Monsters (Amiga) all shown a little love. Then of course, the inevitable final challenge. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (Amiga) is the game of choice and it’s that annoying sliding puzzle thing from this very poor game that makes for this challenge. This is another audience challenge as Dominick selects someone from the crowd to tackle this one. Martin from Stanwell is the man for the job… maybe? No, he fails and only manages to complete 25% of the puzzle before the timer runs out.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode 9

Challenge number one from this penultimate show comes from Zany Golf (Amiga). Father and son, Nigel and Adam have to complete as many holes on this crazy golf game as they can without running out of shots. The person who finishes the most holes wins. The opening windmill hole causes a few problems for Nigel, but they both manage to sink their balls with shots to spare. The second hole is an issue for Adam who runs out of shots, while his father manages to putt his way to victory and win the golden joystick. However, a rather funny ‘judge’s decision’ rules that Nigel is too old to be playing games, so the golden joystick is given to son Adam instead.

This review round-up looks at sports games. John Madden Football ’92 (Mega Drive) scores 95%. NBA All-Star Challenge (Game Boy) gets 69%. With Graham Gooch World Class Cricket (Amiga) manages a 60%. The winner of the previously mentioned GamesMaster Golden Goal competition on Kick Off 2 (Amiga) is announced… it was Robert Moss from Hertfordshire if you were wondering. This episode’s celebrity challenge involves former British featherweight boxing champ, Barry McGuigan who goes up against Gary from Aldershot. They fight it out on Final Blow (Amiga) with the winner being the last man standing after being punched a few dozen times… you know, boxing. In the first round, Barry comes out fists flying and manages to knock down Garry with 30 seconds of the round left. Recovering from his beating, Gary comes back strong and puts Barry on the canvas with 15 seconds left and again in the final second of the first round. Being saved by the bell, the fight goes onto the second round. A flurry of punches and an uppercut from Gary puts Barry McGuigan down only 13 seconds into the second round and out for the count. Making Gary the winner of the golden joystick.

Barry McGuigan

It’s tip time again as GamesMaster hands out his help. Metal Gear (NES), Mega Man 2 (NES) and The Revenge of Shinobi (Mega Drive) are all looked at. Final challenge time and it’s Sega European games-playing champ, Danny Curley who takes on this one. To make things a bit harder for the champ, he has to play a brand new game he’s never seen before. Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi (Mega Drive) is the game and Danny has to finish the second and third levels, rescue all 11 the hostages, kill the boss, not lose a life… and all in 2.5 minutes. Danny completely demolishes this challenge with 1:09 still on the clock. Well he was Sega European games-playing champ.

Golden joysticks won – 3

Episode 10

So here we are, the final episode of series 1 of GamesMaster. Kicking off, as always with the first challenge. Classic light-gun game Duck Hunt (NES) is the game of choice and having to shoot his way to victory is a name a lot of older British gaming/YouTube fans should recognise… a young Paul Gannon (though it sounds like Dominick introduces him as Paul Gammon). Getting off to a very strong start Paul scores an impressive 9 out of 10 on the first level, needing another 9 out of 10 on the second to win the prize. Early on, he misses a target, meaning he can not afford to miss any more… Paul misses the very last one and fails the challenge. No golden joystick here.

And just to try and embarrass Paul a bit, here he is on GamesMaster not winning a golden joystick and I have no idea why he’s wearing his watch near his elbow…

Paul Gannon

As is the norm, it’s review time and adult games are looked at. Deluxe Strip Poker 2 (Amiga) is dealt 60%. Geisha (Amiga) is given 41%. And finally, Leisure Suit Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercover Work (Amiga) gets an unbelievable 89%. The feature this time around takes a look at the then soon to be released, latest 16-bit console the Super Nintendo Entertainment System… I could’ve just written SNES there couldn’t I? If you’ve been following the format so far, then you know it’s celebrity challenge time. GamesMaster has chosen Emlyn Hughes International Soccer (Amiga) for a game of footie. Playing is Suni from Ealing going up against the man himself, former Liverpool FC and England captain Emlyn Hughes. With Suni playing as Brazil while Emlyn favours England. Suni makes short work of this challenge and completely decimates Emlyn 5-0 to win the golden joystick.

The last batch of hints & tips for this series as people struggling with The Legend of Zelda (NES), Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi (Mega Drive) and The Adventures of Rad Gravity (NES) are all helped. Then onto the final challenge of the final episode with Decap Attack (Mega Drive). Having to finish the first 2 levels of the game in under 2 minutes is John from Hastings. Managing to fly through the first level with ease, it’s onto the second level with 1:07 still on the clock to finish this challenge. John messes up on a jump and takes a hit from an enemy, leaving him short on time and vulnerable as he can only take one more hit before dying and failing the challenge. But he finishes the second level with 12 seconds left to win the final golden joystick of this series.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Overall

As welcome as the first series of GamesMaster was, compared to latter series, this was a little uneven and not quite there yet. Dominik Diamond’s cheeky persona is here, but doesn’t really come alive until later series. The lighting is very drab and dank with a few lasers shooting around and smoke machines making the set look like a really bad early 90s rave venue. I never really liked the original set. The show evolves (for the most part) later on and as the budget increases, so does the quality. The first series is a little ropy and rough around the edges, but for the first dedicated gaming TV show, GamesMaster did well indeed.

And with that out of the way, it’s time to don the smoking jacket and enjoy a nice hot cup of jasmine tea.

Series 1 End

Total golden joysticks won this series – 18

Much more to come in series 2… right here.

“You may be wondering why I’m playing with my organ in a crowded church? Well, this is GamesMaster, television’s only video game magazine show. Coming to you from the only church in the country where Harry Secombe is too fat to fit through the door. But nevertheless, we’ve managed to squeeze and ample portion into tonight’s slot.”

– Dominik Diamond