Time For A Female James Bond?

There have been rumours and speculation of a woman stepping into the iconic James Bond role for a while now. There’s even a female 007 in the new Bond flick played by Lashana Lynch. But there is a difference between James Bond and 007 as the number is just that, a number. It’s a code-name given to agents and there’s no issue with the person behind the 007 title being either gender. But the name James Bond, the character itself, is it time for a change there? Is it time for James to step aside as a possible Jane Bond takes over? With current James Bond, Daniel Craig officially stepping down as the iconic character after the latest film, No Time To Die, the door is open for a female.

I’ve been pondering this very issue the last few days and I think I’ve come up with my own personal conclusion. You know what, maybe it is time for a change…

A few names have been thrown about recently as a female replacement for Daniel Craig as the next James Bond including Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart and Emilia Clarke who have all expressed an interest in being the first female James Bond. Times are changing, cinema as a whole is shifting as we see more and more females in larger and more action-centric roles. I’m all for more stronger females in films, we’ve had a smattering of them over the years with the likes of Ellen Ripley from the Alien franchise, Beatrix “The Bride” Kiddo from Kill Bill, Sarah Connor from the Terminator flicks and the awesome Pam Grier in any film she’s ever been in for the last 50 years. Yup, there have been some truly amazing and strong females in action cinema over the years. So why not a female James Bond? Move with the times man.

Well, as I said, I’ve been thinking about this and I think a female Bond is wrong. Now hear me out before the feminists sting me up by my nards. It’s not that I’m against a female taking on the role but more a case of I feel a female James Bond is not inclusive enough. What about the whole LGBT+ movement and those folk who refuse to define themselves to any gender? What about the rise of veganism, etc? See, I think a female Bond would be a terrible move in this day and age because there are so many more groups who should also be included. So here’s my pitch for the next James Bond…

We need a character of a non-binary gender, one who wants to be addressed as ‘it’, ‘them’ and so on. They should also be strict vegans and teetotallers. Who’s sexual preference is undefined. The sort of person who kicks up a fuss on Twitter because a sandwich has a male-centric name. The new James Bond will no longer travel the world putting an end to evil villains hellbent on destruction, now ‘they’ will sit at home behind a laptop writing angry letters to Starbucks because their logo features a female figure being forced to wear a crown to fit a male-stylised image of beauty. We need a James Bond for the snowflake generation, one that cries a lot over nothing and get’s upset if someone calls him ‘them’ a name.

So what do you think, great idea right?

No, of course it’s not. It’s utter, utter arse gravy. James Bond is male, he was written as a male by Ian Fleming. He drinks booze, he shags women and shoots bad guys in the head while saving the world. That’s what he does, that’s James Bond. If they want a female James Bond then go away and write a new character to fit that template. Come up with a new super slick spy instead of trying to ruin the one we already have.

I’m not against this new trend of gender swapping in movies, I’m not. Look, I quite enjoyed the Ghostbusters remake. It was hardly high art, but I felt entertained by the film when I left the cinema. But do you know why I didn’t mind the gender swapping here? Because they were written as new characters, they didn’t lazily change their names to  Petra Venkman, Ramona Stantz, Ella Spengler and Wilhelmina Zeddemore. They were all new characters and written differently too (with varying degrees of success) and the film was separate from the male Ghostbusters franchise too. As a side-note: have you noticed how this gender swap trend is always male for female? There are not many or even any films where and established female character it recast as male is there?

Anyway, my point is that a female James Bond should never happen, ever. As I said, create a new character and leave Jimmy alone.