GamesMaster: A Retrospective – Series Three, Part One

Well this one has been a long time coming. I’ve been a bit side tracked what with other writing projects going on… oh and there’s been that pandemic whatsit-thing too. But I’m now cracking on with the next two (maybe three) series of GamesMaster for this very lengthy retrospective. Coming off the back of series two, there’s been a few changes. Dominik Diamond is gone, to be replaced with Dexter Fletcher for series three. The format is slightly changed too. Series three, like two before it also has a whopping twenty-six episodes to cover, so I will once more, be doing this in two parts.

Series Three

So okay, onto why Dominik is gone. It really depends on who you ask, but the general consensus about the reason why he left is because the show was to be sponsored by McDonald’s (see the main image up there ^^^), even Dominik himself has gone on record as saying as much. That sounds a bit stupid to me, I think there were other behind the scenes reasons why Dominik left. Not that it matters now, almost thirty years after the fact. At least Auntie Marisha is back. As for the in-universe reason Dominik Diamond is gone. Well if you remember the end of series two, the oil rig set blew up. The story is that Dominik died in that explosion. Patrick Moore is still on board as the titular GamesMaster though, now with a pet cat.

DEXTER

Beginning airing on the 9th of September, 1993 and being set in a fictional GamesMaster Academy (filmed in Oxford Prison), Dexter wastes no time in getting things underway. The format mixes things up through this series. Most episodes stick to the old format (first challenge, celeb challenge, final challenge), but now there’s this first challenge knockout round, then the final challenge… well final. Think of the episodes now being mini-tournaments in each episode. Some episodes spotlight just one game and offer other special challenges. Though the episodes still contains reviews, features, etc. Oh and the celebrity challenges are also back too. So, with that out of the way, on to episode one.

Episode One

This is one of those spotlight a single game episodes and Mortal Kombat (SNES) is the game of choice here. Dexter plucks four random contestants from the audience.  Chris, Paul Martin and Akbur have to fight it out to the death in a classic best of three round battle. Up first is Chris playing as Scorpion and Paul as Kano. Chris gets off to a cracking start and destroys Paul in a matter of seconds to win the first round. The second round is a little bit closer and Paul gives as good as he gets… until he corners himself and Chris as does a cheap, Johnny Lawrence ‘sweep the leg’ thing over and over and takes Paul out with ease. Going to the infamous ‘Finish Him’ finale and all Chris has to do is pull of a gruesome fatality, but just settles for a standard uppercut instead. Not that it would’ve really mattered as they were playing the heavily censored SNES port. As this the first of the longer, single episode challenges format that series three favours, Chris does not win a golden joystick, but he does get through to the next round. Next up are Martin as Rayden and Akbur as Sub-Zero. A bit more of an even fight here, though both still seem to be clueless on how to play Mortal Kombat. After a few exchanges of punches and kicks, Akbur takes Sub-Zero to victory. Martin comes back fighting by spamming Rayden’s special flying  move thing. Akbur puts up a good fight, but looses the second round. At one round a piece, it’s onto the decider where Martin continues to spam that flying move of Rayden’s, but Akbur gets wise and smacks him down to win the round and fight… again, no fatality. Akbur moves onto the next round.

MORTAL KOMBAT SNES

Up next are the first reviews of this new series. Of course, game of the episode, Mortal Kombat (SNES & Mega Drive) gets reviewed and it scores an 81%. Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES) is next  and it lands an 86%. Then it’s onto the feature, a look at the half a million dollar ad campaign for the console ports of Mortal Kombat. Interviews with the actors who played the digitised characters of Mortal Kombat and a look at how they were inserted into the game. Celebrity challenge time and we have another Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive) fight, only this time Daniel Pesina who played Johnny Cage and Elizabeth Malecki as Sonya Blade fight in character as their in game characters… in the game! Seeing as these guys are actors and not gamers, I’d expect the fight to be a bit poo. But its not, they offer a better fight and look at the game than the previous contestants. The first round goes to Sonya, but it’s a close one. Round two is a bit more one sided and won by Sonya again… and she even finishes with a fatality. Elizabeth Malecki (Sonya Blade) wins the first golden joystick of series three.

MORTAL KOMBAT ACTORS

Yup, its time for some hints & tips form GamesMaster. I bet you can’t guess what the first game is… Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive). Then Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES) and Starwing (SNES) get some help too. Next up is the final of the Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive) challenge. Previous winners, Chris and Akbur go head to head. Chris favours Scorpion while Akbur plays as Sub-Zero. Chris gets battered in the first round and it begins to look very bleak for him. Then he stages a genuinely impressive comeback with only a slither of health left to win the first round. The second round goes to Akbur who wins without breaking into a sweat. So it all comes down to the final round. It’s a close one but Chris as Scorpion goes on to win and he even does the (suspiciously edited) fatality too. Chris wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Two

GamesMaster wastes no time kicking things off with Ultimate Soccer (Mega Drive) for this episode. A special multi-player challenge with eight contestants playing in two teams of four, England lead by Woody and Scotland captained by Jim. Playing indoor, five-a-side football, the winning team goes into the finals where they will be split into four players and enter an every man for themselves play-off. Jim’s Scotland team are all over England in the opening and soon tuck a goal away to lead 1-0. England begin to fight back after the goal, but the first half ends 1-0 to Scotland. England start the second half strong and do get a shot on goal, but struggle to score. The game ends with Scotland winning 1-0, so Jim and his team go through to battle it out for a golden joystick later.

Review time and Rock n’ Roll Racing (SNES) gets a worthy 86%. Thunderhawk (Mega CD) manages a decent 81%. Cartoony scare-fest Haunting (Mega Drive) is given 75%. The feature looks at the terrible Newton MessagePad from Apple… think of it as a really, really early iPad. Basically, it was a glorified, digital Filofax and if you don’t know what a Filofax was, it was something pompous twats used a lot in the eighties to make themselves look even more of a pompous twat. OTT beat ’em up King of the Monsters 2 (Neo Geo) is the game selected for the celebrity challenge and eyepatch wearing singer Gabrielle is the celeb, who takes on non-celeb Nadine. It’s a best of three fight and the duo spend more time smashing buildings than each other. Then, after a bit of dancing around the screen, a fight actually breaks out and Nadine takes round one. In the second round, Gabrielle nabs a power-up that can give her the edge in the fight… and completely wastes it, Nadine pounds Gabrielle to win the fight and the golden joystick.

BOMBERMAN SNES

GamesMaster dishes out more help as Striker (SNES), Alfred Chicken (Game Boy) and Kirby’s Adventure (NES) are all made a bit easier. Then it’s the final and the winning Scotland team from the first challenge are back but now split into individuals. Chris, Jim, Jamie and Ross go head-to-head on  Super Bomberman (SNES), the classic, ‘blow the crap out of your mates’ game. Chris manages to get himself trapped between his own bomb and someone else’s and is the first to go BOOM! Ross walks blindly into an explosion and goes BOOM!, leaving only Jim and Jamie to fight it out. After a set time, the play area gets smaller and Jamie just walks straight in to the enclosing screen and dies… doesn’t go BOOM! Jim wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Three

This one is a special sports themed episode and kicking off the first challenge is James Pond’s Crazy Sports (SNES). Three peeps take this one on, Chirag, Sally and Darren take it in turns to get the fastest time on the Leap Frog race. Chirag puts in a great performance, hits an obstacle, but still puts in a very impressive time of 22.82 seconds. Up next is Sally who gets off to a fantastic start, but it all goes wrong in the last half of the race as she hits several hurdles and manages a time of 26 seconds dead. This challenge is actually qualifier to get through to the next round and only the top two fastest times go to the final. So Darren doesn’t have to get the fastest time, just beat Sally’s 26 seconds. He gets a time of 29.90 seconds… which is actually really surprising as he even used a cleverly hidden cheat to get a lengthy head-start. GamesMaster has a few words to say about Darren’s cheating. Given the big man’s penchant for handing out cheats in the show, he doesn’t actually berate Darren for cheating, but he does send him to the furnace for cheating and still losing. Fair I feel. Anyway, both Chirag and Sally go through to the final.

Street Fighter II (Mega Drive) gets 92%. Space Ace (SNES) scores a still too high 70%. Then Garfield Labyrinth (Game Boy) gets a scathing, but justifiable 28% in the review section. No feature this episode, so it’s straight to the celebrity challenge and the start of a three part Gladiators special challenge. Beat ’em up ClayFighter (SNES) is the game and it is Shadow and Falcon from the then popular TV show Gladiators to take it on. Shadow plays as Blue Suede Goo while Falcon favours Helga in this best of three rounds fight. Shadow kicks some clay-ass and takes the led in the first round, until Falcon begins to fight back and evens the score… but Shadow manages to land the final blow to win the first round. Then, despite putting up a good fight in the second round, Falcon loses, making Shadow the winner. No golden joystick though as this was just the first round, with the next rounds of this Gladiators special challenge coming over the next couple of episodes.

CLAYFIGHTER SNES

GamesMaster dishes out more of his gaming knowledge to us mere mortals. Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster’s Hidden Treasure (Mega Drive), Gunship 2000 (Amiga) and Another World (SNES) get helped. Final challenge of the show, Chirag and Sally are back and go up against each other at International Tennis Open (CD-i). It’s a best of three games match and the first game seems to go Chirag’s was as he leads 40-15. But Sally brings it back to take advantage point and goes on to win the first game. Chirag destroys Sally in the second game, making it one game a piece. It’s the final game and Sally gets revenge for the last game and whitewashes Chirag to win the game, match and golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Four

Mr. Nutz (SNES), one of those ‘cutesy’ platformers that were everywhere in the nineties is the game for the first challenge. Alister, Tom and Amber have to finish the opening level, fastest two go through to the final. Amber goes first and she takes a hit quite early on, given the fact it’s three hits and game over, that’s not good. She makes her way to the end and takes another hit from a bee, leaving her only one more chance. Thankfully, that hit was right at the end of the level, and Amber finishes in 24 seconds. Tom is up next and he makes it through the level without taking a single hit, that’s the good news. The bad news is he didn’t use the run button and finished with a time of 30 seconds. Alister blisters through the level with a time of 22 seconds. Tom goes home while Amber and Alister go through to battle it out in the final challenge. In all fairness, I think Tom was only about six years-old while the other two were early teens at least.

MR NUTS SNES

Review round-up and Lamborghini American Challenge (Game Boy) gets 86%. Pac-Attack (SNES) is awarded 81%. Then Fantastic Dizzy (Mega Drive) scores 75%. This episode’s feature takes a look at the Philips CD-i portable console which cost a whopping £1200 at launch. No, I had no idea these things existed either and £1200 in 2020 money would be around £2500… for a handheld console! No wonder they died out. So it’s celebrity challenge time again and the continuation of the Gladiators special from the previous episode. Cobra and Scorpio battle on ClayFighter (SNES) again with Cobra playing as The Blob while Scorpio uses Ickybod Clay in this best of three rounds bout. The first round is quite tight.. for a couple of clueless button mashers, but Scorpio takes the win. Then, in round two, Cobra gets pummelled and Scorpio goes through to the final.

A few games prove to be a tad too tricky for some. Players of Mr. Nutz (SNES), Zelda: Link’s Awakening (Game Boy) and Cool Spot (Mega Drive) get some much needed help. So it’s final time as Amber and Alister go toe-to-toe at Muhammad Ali Heavyweight Boxing (Mega Drive) is the game as the two peeps have to punch each other in the face until one of them falls down or two rounds are up. At only thirty-five seconds into the first round, Amber knocks Alister down, he does recover, only to be knocked down again with just seven seconds left of the first round. Alister is literally saved by the bell as round one ends. Round two sees Amber throwing punches like crazy, Alister manages to stay up this time around, not that it matters as it goes down to points after the second round and given Alister’s poor performance in round one, he loses badly. Amber wins the golden joystick. I’m not sure just how fair this last challenge was. Amber got to play as Muhammad Ali in a Muhammad Ali boxing game, while Alister had to play as a no-name challenger. I’m pretty sure Amber had a pretty huge advantage there.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Five

GamesMaster picks a corker for his first challenge, Street Fighter II Turbo (SNES). Four fighters step up to this one, Tim, Carl, Ramone and Poojah. Tim and Carl are up first with Tim playing as M. Bison and Carl with Ryu. Tim decimates Carl in about ten seconds and with a perfect too, quite embarrassing. Carl does a lot better in round two… well he manages to land two hits before losing, that’s a lot better then no hits I guess. Tim goes through to the final. Next up is Ramone and Poojah, playing as Blanka and Balrog respectively. This one is a bit of a closer fight… a bit, but Ramone does end up wining the first round. Round two is an even closer fight, but Ramone still wins. So Tim and Ramone will face each other in the final.

SMART PC

It’s review time and the awesome Flashback (SNES) gets a 86%. Sonic CD (Mega CD) scores 78%. Then Captain America and The Avengers (SNES) gets itself a very understandable 43%. The feature looks at something called the IDA Home Automation soft and hardware, presented by Auntie Marisha. It was this smart home thing before the ‘smart’ prefix even existed. You could plug it into your PC and program it to control household appliances (turn you TV on, program it to turn on your coffee machine in the morning and so on). No idea if it worked well or not as I can’t seem to find any evidence that it even existed, except for it being looked at in this feature. Anyway, it’s celebrity challenge time again and the final of the Gladiators special. Shadow and Scorpio from the last two episodes are back to face off against each other at ClayFighter (SNES). Shadow playing as Bad Mr Frosty and Scorpio favours Tiny in a classic ‘best of three’ round fight. Round one is very close with both contestants giving as good as they get, but Shadow manages to land the knockout blow and wins round one. The second round is even closer, it really gets down to each of them only needing one more hit. Scorpio does the deed and wins round two. So it goes down to the final round, which starts of pretty close, but Shadow does some serious butting mashing to win the challenge and the golden joystick.

SHADOW WINS

GamesMaster throws out more hints & tips and he asks for questions for beat ’em ups only. A cheeky chap gives GamesMaster some sass, asking for help without using manners and GamesMaster politely tells him to go away. You just don’t talk to the big man like that. Muhammad Ali Heavyweight Boxing (Mega Drive) has a secret revealed. Sassy boy comes back and asks for help again, for GamesMaster to dismiss him once more. Tuff E Nuff (SNES) is offered some help next. The yes, he’s back for a third time and this time, sassy boy offers his apologies and finally gets hints for Mortal Kombat (Mega Drive). So now it’s final time, Tim and Ramone take each other on at Art of Fighting (Neo Geo). Tim playing as Jack with Ramone as Lee. There’s a lot of jumping in round one and not much else, as Tim spams the flying kick move and takes the first win. Round two isn’t much different as Tim (once more) spams the flying kick and wins the golden joystick in the very dull final.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Six

Force your opponent to the edge of the screen racer, Micro Machines (Mega Drive) is the first challenge and taking this one on are Steve and Adam, who have to race mini-speedboats around a bath. Steve takes every point and whitewashes poor young Adam to win this one, with pretty much no issues. Given the fact Adam didn’t even score a single point, GamesMaster sends him to the furnace as punishment for such a poor performance.

This episodes reviews are Robocop Versus Terminator (Mega Drive) which scores 86%. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest (SNES) gets given 75%. Then Zombies Ate My Neighbors (SNES) gets a worthy 90%. Feature time and we get to look at the Atari Jaguar console ahead of its release. Not that they needed have bothered as it was shit. A quick mention of the ‘GamesMaster All Formats Team Videogames Championship’ is next, more on that later. The Utah Saints are the celebrities up for the next challenge. WWF Royal Rumble (SNES) is the game and Jez Willis and Tim Garbutt of the band have to grapple with each other until only one stands. Jez plays as Razor Ramon and Tim uses Randy Savage. It’s painfully clear that neither of them have any idea how to play as they just keep running up and down the ring… very occasionally landing a blow. Tim eventually wins when Jez knocks himself out by running into the railings outside of the ring. What a fight!

WWE SNES

Yup, it’s GamesMaster sharing his knowledge up next, throwing out more tips. Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (SNES),  Jungle Strike (Mega Drive) and Mystic Quest (Game Boy) are all given a GamesMaster boost. Welcoming back Steve from the first challenge, he has to finish the first level on Super Q*Bert (SNES). GamesMaster gives Steve one minute and three lives to finish this challenge. Steve loses one life by jumping of the edge of playing area, he soon loses another by hitting an enemy… but he does manage to finish the challenge regardless and wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Seven

Cosmic Spacehead (Mega Drive) is the game to get things started on this episode. No, I’ve never heard of it either, but if you remember the classic Combat (Atari 2600) game, that’s basically what this is. A top-down combat game where players have to throw custard pies at each other to win. Taking this one on are Liam and Mamuro (from Japan who only ever says ‘no trouble’) and the first to score ten points wins. It all starts off rather slow with neither Liam or Mamuro wanting to get in on the action. Liam scores a hit, Mamuro scores a hit, Liam scores a hit, Mamuro scores a hit. The fact that each player starts with a score of five and each hit lands a point, but also removes a point from whoever is hit means it just keeps going back and forth and basically staying at five points a piece for a while. Mamuro does manage to trap Liam and lands plenty of hits, taking the score to 9 – 1, needing only one more hit to win. Liam scores a point back… honestly, this one really drags on and on. I’ll just skip to the end, Mamuro (‘no trouble’) wins to take on the final challenge later.

COSMIC SPACEHEAD

Up for review this time are Gunstar Heroes (Mega Drive) gets 90%. Jurassic Park (SNES) is given 81% and Out to Lunch (SNES) cooks up 78%. Feature time and we get a look at the ReelMagic video card (PC) that allowed for full video playback on your computer… this was ground-breaking in 1993. As the video card came bundled with a copy of the adventure game Return to Zork, we also get a little look behind the scenes of the making of the game. Funny men Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis are the celebrities taking on the next challenge. Lucky & Wild (Arcade) is the game, one of those light-gun, on-rails shooters… but with a twist as this throws in driving to the mix. One player drives the car while the other shoots. Steve and Hugh have to finish the first level and take out the drug dealer boss at the end. This is actually quite an exciting little game, Starsky and Hutch inspired, tearing though the city, driving though shopping malls and jumping over hills action. After getting off to a pretty good start, Steve and Hugh find themselves ambushed by a bunch of bad guys and lose a lot of health. Smashing through scenery while shooting up henchmen in cars proves too tricky and the pair lose. GamesMaster is not happy about their performance, and so sends them to the furnace for six months of hard labour.

LUCKY AND WILD

Mega-Lo-Mania (Mega Drive), Super Star Wars (SNES) and Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (SNES) all get some help provided thanks to GamesMaster’s encyclopaedic knowledge. Mamuro is back to try an win the golden joystick, the game is a special exclusive first look for GamesMaster, Jungle Book (Mega Drive). Mamuro is given just one minute to score 4000 points. Getting off to a good start and using secret areas to score some points, it looks like Mamuro will have ‘no trouble’ in wining this one. But with only 15 seconds left on the clock, he only has a score of 2600. He runs out of time, well short of the target. No golden joysticks won in an episode for the first time this series.

Golden joysticks won – 0

Episode Eight

Super Pang (SNES) is this episode’s first challenge, whoever survives the longest wins. The Mother and Son duo of Sonya and Paul go up against each other with Mummy Sonya playing first. Mummy does okay at first. Shooting balls and managing to last a while, but comes a cropper with 47 seconds left on the clock. Paul up next and confident he can beat that 47 seconds. He not only beats the time, but also finishes the level (which he didn’t need to do), just to rub a bit of salt in the wound. Son beats Mother to go through to the final.

It’s review time once more and Cannon Fodder (Amiga) gets a very worthy 90%. Top Gear 2 (SNES) is given 81%. Then Dune II (Mega Drive) is given a very spicy 92%. Feature time and GamesMaster Live is back and given a big ‘ole plug. Celebrity challenge now and Eastenders star, Sean Maguire takes on non-celeb Steve on footie game, Striker (SNES) and it’s a classic game of two halves. Sean playing as Ireland while Steve plays as England and both players put up a good fight. There are tackles and shots a-plenty, despite the action, the first half ends with no goals. The second half is much of the same, more action and neither side seemingly better than the other… until Steve’s England tucks away a fantastic goal. Sean comes back fighting and does have a few shots on target, but nothing gets past by the time the final whistle blows and Steve wins the golden joystick. 

GAMESMASTER

GamesMaster returns to offer more of his hints & tips. Mummy Sonya from the first challenge is back asking for help with Super Pang (SNES), GamesMaster accompanies his help with a little cheeky remark about her lack of gaming skills. Dr. Franken II (Game Boy) and Day of the Tentacle (PC) are also helped out. Paul is back for the final challenge and he takes on Robocop Versus Terminator (Mega Drive). Paul has to finish the first level of the game in less than 1 minute. In 25 seconds, Paul loses a life, not that it matters much as long as he finishes the level in time. With 15 seconds left, he loses another life, but manages to get to the boss at the end of the level. With just 4 seconds left, Paul makes short work of the end of level boss… but he still needs to exit the level, which he does with just 1 second to spare. Paul wins the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Nine

GamesMaster chooses a belter for the first challenge, Super Mario All-Stars (SNES), a collection of four classic Mario games remastered. For this challenge, GamesMaster has picked three of the games and Sam, Steven and Samuel are the three contestants to take them on. Each of the three challengers pick one of the games at random, Sam gets Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (though the art for Super Mario Bros. 2 is shown), Steven takes on Super Mario Bros. 3 and Samuel has to tackle Super Mario. Bros. GamesMaster has selected a level on each game and the aim is simply to finish the level on that particular game in the fastest time with only one life. Sam goes first and takes it easy, a slower approach while trying to avoid losing her only life. She finishes the level in 59 seconds. Samuel is up next, he goes for a more direct and faster approach, using the run button as much as possible. Making a few very risky jumps and Samuel is close to the ned of the level with 37 seconds on the clock… when he mistimes a jump and falls into a pit, failing the challenge. So all Steven has to do it take his time and beat Sam’s time of 59 seconds to go through to the final. Given a much more tricky underwater level, Steven finishes with a time of 49 seconds and secures his place in the final. I’ve always had a problem with this challenge as each player gets a different game and different level, that’s not exactly fair really. 

MARIO SNES

Another review round up as Young Merlin (SNES) gets 86%. Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade’s Revenge (Mega Drive) is given 70%. Then The Fidgetts (Game Boy) is scored 63%. No feature this time and just another mention of the GamesMaster Live event. So it is celebrity challenge time once more and Dexter promises a special twist. British rapper Monie Love is the celeb and she goes up against two randomly picked audience members, Andy and Steven. Cool Spot (SNES) is the game chosen by GamesMaster… who’s cat has a flea problem. Monie is given one minute to score as many points as possible, then Andy and Steven have to try to beat that score on their one minute attempts. The twist to this challenge is that whoever wins gets to go out on a date with Monie. Monie sets the bar with a score of 4450 to beat. Andy goes first and beats Monie’s score with a 4550 in 45 seconds. Steven up next who only manages a score of 4100 before his time runs out. Andy wins not only that date with Monie, but also the golden joystick.

F1 MD

More poor unfortunates seek out help from the GamesMaster once more. Out to Lunch (SNES), Fantastic Dizzy (Mega Drive) and Super Strike Eagle (SNES) are all given some much needed love.  F1 (Mega Drive) is the game for the final challenge and GamesMaster gives Steven 1 minute to finish a lap on the famed Monaco circuit… just like real life! Steve crashes into a billboard at the side of the track and loses a big chunk of time. He tries to make up for the lost seconds, but fails to take the chequered flag before his time runs out. No golden joystick here.

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Ten

This one is a very special episode as it was broadcast live from The Future Entrainment Show event, 1993, held at Earls Court. A live show, what could go wrong? The first challenge is on classic platformer Aladdin (SNES) and contestants have just 45 seconds to collect as many diamonds as they can. Taking this one on is Susie, Paul and Jamie who are pulled up on stage from the live crowd. Susie is first and puts in a very poor performance, grabbing just two diamonds. It almost looked like she was purposely trying to avoid them. Paul is up next and he also manages to only nab two diamonds. I swear, these kids must be doing this on purpose, I mean, they actually move away from very easy to collect diamonds. So up last is Jamie and he must be able to do better than two. I mean, there are two in a line that are easy to get near the start in the opening. Jamie grabs two within the first few seconds and two more a little later, making his total four. He still missed some easy ones, but Jamie didn’t need them as he wins the golden joystick regardless.

No reviews in this episode, instead, live Dexter introduces himself doing a pre-recorded tour of The Future Entrainment Show, looking at various stands and attractions. There is still the celebrity challenge though as British boxers Barry McGuigan and Nigel Benn take on Sonic Blast Man (Arcade). This game has featured on the show before, each boxer punches the pad three times, greatest total damage done wins. Barry McGuigan is up first and scores 123 +126 + 126 = 375. Nigel Benn dons the glove next and punches 137 + 136 + 131 = 404. Nigel ‘The Dark Destroyer’ Benn wins the golden joystick.

NIGEL AND BARRY

Even with the live episode going on, there’s still time for some pre-recorded help from the GamesMaster. Exhaust Heat (SNES), The Addams Family (Mega Drive) and Black Hole Assault (Mega Drive) get some attention. So it’s onto the final challenge of this special live episode and Dexter promises something ‘mega’ (his word). GamesMaster choses Street Fighter II Turbo (Mega Drive) and six people are picked out from the crowd. No idea what their names are as Dexter rushes through them before they run out of time for the show, can’t edit live TV can you?. Anyway, the six have to do battle against each other as Ryu vs Ken in this ‘mini-one round, winner stays on tournament-thing’. It’s all rather hectic as it is live and they have to reset the game after every round and reselect the characters for each fight (no idea why they didn’t just set it up for more then one round and swap players after each one). Watching the stage-hands desperately scramble around to get the game set up after every fight, all while Dexter does his best at filling the gap with pointless spiel is quite hilarious. Anyway, one of the challengers wins two rounds and is the winner who stays on… no idea if he won a golden joystick or not because they run out of time and have to end the show before the challenge ends. Live TV eh?

Golden joysticks won – 1

Episode Eleven

After the chaos of the previous live episode, it’s back to ‘normal’ and GamesMaster picks Puggsy (Mega Drive) for the first challenge. Two members of the audience are dragged out to take on this special GamesMaster exclusive level to light a giant candle. Kelly and Jim are the pair to take this on and it is fastest to finish the level wins. The thing is, Dexter says how this is an exclusive level designed for GamesMaster and no one has ever seen it before, Kelly is the first of the two to play… and yet she knows exactly where to go and what to do? Anyway, Kelly (who supposedly had never played this level) makes great progress solving the puzzles and getting the candle lit before heading for the exit. Aside from a few minor mistakes, she finishes the level in 1.26. Jim, next on the controller, blisters through the level and lights the candle in just 57 seconds, well ahead of Kelly… but he just sits there thinking he’s finished when he actually needs to exit the level to end the challenge. The camera cuts to Jim after a while and you can clearly see him mouth ‘shit!’ releasing his mistake, he makes a dash for the exit and even with his faux pas, he still finishes in 1.16, and goes through to the final. 

Aero the Acro-Bat (SNES) gets 86%. Lethal Enforcers (Mega CD) is shot down with a 63%. Then Skyblazer (SNES) scores a 75% in the reviews. Feature time and we get to take a look at a new PC file idea called ‘Saving and Recognition’, which would allow you to play multiple games at once. The idea being that you could have more than one game installed on your PC and flick between each game at will… kind of like what we can do now on modern consoles with digitally installed software. Dexter then ponders on seeing Mario and Sonic in a game together, as if that would ever happen. So then, it’s onto the celebrity challenge and nineties TV babe, Dani Behr is the lass for this one. Monkey Mole Panic (Arcade) is GamesMaster’s game of choice, think and updated and digital version of the classic Whac-A-Mole. Dani goes up against James and it’s the person to score the most points who wins. James goes first and bashes a fair amount of moles, even gets a few bonuses along the way. He manages to finish with a score of 1920, a pretty poor attempt and certainly very beatable. Dani goes for it and at the halfway point, already amasses a score of 1620, only 300 short of James’, still plenty of moles to whack too, Dani can’t lose. Finishing with a whopping 4280 points, Dani spanks James to win the golden joystick, as if being spanked by Dani Behr is a bad thing.

DANI MOLE

More games are in need of help next. Morph (Amiga), Rock n’ Roll Racing, (SNES) and Wolfchild (Master System) are all covered by GamesMaster. Then it’s the final challenge and Jim is back to play Batman Returns (Mega CD). GamesMaster has Jim playing the driving stage and he has to defeat the end of level boss. Now, Jim can just drive as fast as possible and avoid all the enemies as they are not important to this challenge, he just has to get to the end… but he choses to try and take out everyone he sees instead, wasting valuable time. Still, Jim does manage to get to the finial boss and take him out to win the golden joystick.

Golden joysticks won – 2

Episode Twelve

One of the most annoying and pretentious 16-bit platformers ever is the first challenge, as Bubsy in: Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind (Mega Drive) is the game of choice. Given 1 minute or 1 life to collect as many yarn balls as possible are James and Ian. James wastes little time in finding secret areas to help bump up his total. Unfortunately, he takes a hit and dies before the minute is up, but he did grab 66 yarn balls before he met his demise. Ian follows pretty much the same route as James and soon has himself 66 balls and with 10 seconds still on the clock too. No problem here as he grabs two more, taking his total to 69 (dude) and Ian goes through to the final.

BUBSY

Massively underrated platformer, Plok (SNES) scores a criminally low 69%. The Lawnmower Man (SNES) gets a stupidly high 86%. Seriously, Plok gets 69% but The Lawnmower Man is given 86%? Anyway, the game that started it all, FIFA International Soccer (Mega Drive) scores 95% in the reviews. An update on the previously mentioned ‘GamesMaster All Formats Team Videogames Championship’ is the feature and out of over 4000 applicants and via various gaming challenges, they have been whittled down to a small teams and will battle it out later in the series. Oh and one of the teams is headed up by some cocky, young unknown kid called Simon Amstell…

SIMON AMSTEL

So it is, of course, celeb challenge once more and cricket star, Liam (son of Ian) Botham takes on Matthew. The game is Graham Gooch World Class Cricket (Amiga), given only six balls each, whoever scores the most runs wins. Liam playing as Australia bowls first while Matthew as England bats. There are a few nice hits by Matthew, but Liam is all over him with his fielding and after the six balls, Matthew manages a beatable eight runs. They swap over and now it’s Liam’s turn to bat. Going down to the last ball and Liam has seven runs, needing two more to win, he hits it short and chances a run, but is out as the bails fall thanks to some quick thinking fielding. Matthew wins the golden joystick.

Time for more gaming help from the big man. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive), Battletoads & Double Dragon – The Ultimate Team (NES) and ClayFighter (SNES) get the GamesMaster treatment. Ian returns from the start of the show, hoping to get his hands on a golden joystick. His challenge is on the awesome Jungle Strike (Mega Drive) and Ian has to protect and escort the POTUS to the White House and only one life too. Ian uses the ‘ole noodle and goes ahead of the motorcade to take out the bad guys before they can do any damage. He has no problem in getting the POTUS to his lovely house making the challenge look way too easy and wins the golden joystick with little effort.

Golden joysticks won – 2


That’s the halfway point, continuing series three in the next part and things get changed up again, format wise once more. Now before anyone mentions… twenty-six episodes in this series and episode twelve isn’t halfway, there is a reason for that…

Total golden joysticks won – 18

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